Posts Tagged With: joy

Where’s the Joy? Solo but not Alone

Posted on October 6, 2026 by tricialathrop

October 5

Last night I pulled the covers over my head and cried…praying that I could just wake up from this nightmare and have Norm still here, alive, laughing, sharing trip plans…but, it is what it is.

It is what it is…Norm’s least favorite tautology. He said it sounded fatalistic, like I had given up. But I see it as a phrase of acceptance. There are things we cannot change, and wallowing in self pity or anger doesn’t accomplish anything except misery. But acceptance allows me to trust God, who works all things for good, even when I don’t immediately see it.

I have had a great week visiting family and friends. I traveled to Ohio, played cards with my brother and talked about a trip to Norway. I had dinner with my high school friends, and breakfast with friends from Cincinnati, catching up on our lives and sharing memories. I traveled to Cleveland with my sisters and went to the Yankee Peddler Festival, which I first attended with Norm and his mom. That was my first introduction to a Hammered Dulcimer, which Norm bought for me. Then I drove on to Clifton Park NY, spending time with friends from our 20 years there. I totally enjoyed the trip.

On the way back, I drove to Waterrock Knob where we spread Norm’s ashes. I didn’t stay long, it was a bit rainy and a lot of people were there, all the picnic tables were occupied. The GPS took me back home along the Blue Ridge Parkway, it should be in full color in the next two weeks. It’s a beautiful drive. Norm and I had planned a Maine to Tennessee trip to try to catch the peak colors all along the way…I’d still like to do it.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I am able to travel and have family and friends to visit.

I pray for continued wisdom as I make choices for my life going forward.

I rejoice in the love of God, who sent Jesus to demonstrate just how much God loves us.

Where’s the joy? God has blessed me with friends who span all the days of my life. They give me joy.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on September 21, 2026 by tricialathrop

September 20

In Girl Scouts, we used to sing: “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.”

In the last few months, some friends from before Norm have reached out to me. The latest is a mentor from my single days. When I moved to Florida, she accepted me, encouraged me, and challenged me. One day when I faced a major decision, she handed me a slip of paper with just one sentence on it, “Consider your calling.” That paper is still among my important cards and notes I’ve collected over the years.

Now, as I’m facing a future of decisions, again on my own, those words continue to challenge me to consider what I have been called to do and why I am still on earth. Thank you for your faithfulness Dorothy.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be connecting with friends from my past. I’ll get together with friends from elementary and high school, those with whom I ate lunch, had slumber parties, went to ball games, until graduation. Then we went our separate ways, until about 10 years ago, Ann decided to get us all together. What a blessing!

I’ll also see friends with whom I shared those first challenges of motherhood. I still remember Pat and I watching our oldest playing together at about a year old, and saying how far away kindergarten seemed to be, not realizing how fast that time would pass.

I’m also planning to see those friends when I began to develop as a Bible study leader. They were sometimes my guinea pigs for the studies I wrote. We worshipped, prayed and cried together. We faced a number of challenges in those years. They gave wise counsel as my kids hit the teen-age years. I try to do a one on one with a couple of the ladies when I head to NY. I’ll go to the ladies bible study and see more of them, but it’s hard to do a real conversation with a big group.

It’s odd that the connections I have from college are mostly friends I met after college. I say that, because Norm had no friends from his high school, but a good group from college. Again, Deb decided to arrange for them to get together after Covid. The Matterhorn group came to encourage and visit Norm in his struggle. They’ve made sure to make me feel welcome in the group even after Norm’s death.

All through my life, there have been friends who have made me feel seen. Some for a brief time, and others continue through today. I’ve made some new friends since the passing of Norm. I’ve reconnected with others. Facebook can be useful for the reconnection, but it’s only a start.

As Dorothy’s note had said, “Consider your calling.” The calling has expanded from teaching, to writing, and part of that writing is the challenge of writing notes of encouragement to the people who have played a big part in my life. I did send out a Christmas letter last year, wanting to let people know about Norm, but like Facebook, it’s only a start. Some people don’t like Christmas letters, but I do love reading all the things going on in the lives of people I’ve known.

I feel a need to connect, actually I’m feeling a call to be one who encourages and challenges others…those from my past, those in my life now, and those who will be placed in my sphere of influence in the future. It’s not a new call, it arises periodically in my life…I act on it for awhile and then I get distracted from it…sometimes overwhelmed with it…

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I am still able to travel and connect with friends from my past. It is fun to remember and laugh together.

I pray for wisdom as I continue to walk the path God has laid out before me.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation, who values that we have good relationships with the people around us.

Where’s the joy? I find it in my friends and in my family.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:7-12

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, But not Alone

Posted on September 13, 2026 by tricialathrop

September 12

This week has been tough with lots of tears.

I started the week returning from Virginia. I decided to take the Skyline Drive. Norm and I camped there pre-kids and have taken it several times in our travels.

One of my favorite…memorable… memories was our hike on Bear Fence Mountain. I passed it on my way through, decided not to revisit it.

40+ years ago, Norm and I took off from the trailhead parking. We considered that the name meant we might run into bears, in our ignorance trying to be quiet as we hiked…for black bears, more noise is better. The panoramic view at the top was amazing, summer green trees and a view that went on for miles. We had a small picnic and decided to head back.

Norm said, “Let’s not go the way we came. I think there is a loop trail back to the trailhead.” And he shimmied down the backside of the rock we sat on. I followed and found myself on a ledge, backed up to the mountain side, facing a massive drop.

Now, in my memory, that ledge was only as wide as my feet and the drop I faced would have me falling and being pierced by pine trees…way below where I stood. I froze, wondering how Norm would explain the falling death of his wife.

Norm did eventually turn around and call to me, wondering why I had stopped there to admire the awesome view.

Obviously I made it off the mountain. One step at a time, I inched my way off the ledge and followed Norm.

I’ve really missed holding Norm’s hands this week. It’s funny how the small things hit hard.

God knew what I needed. Today, two small hands reached out for mine.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the days Norm and I walked hand in hand, the special days, the normal days, and scary days, and the last days in the hospital.

I pray for God’s guidance as I continue to travel this road without Norm.

I rejoice that God knows exactly what I need.

Where’s the joy? The memories with Norm and the future memories that will be made with my kids and grands.

1 I don’t know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine,
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Refrain:
Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

2 Every step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden’s getting lighter;
Every cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky. [Refrain]

3 I don’t know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I’m covered with His blood. [Refrain]

by Ira Stanhill

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on September 6, 2026 by tricialathrop

September 6

I’m adjusting. I’m trying to get into a rhythm of life that feels normal. Some rhythm is back, weekly Bible study, exercise, meeting with friends.

I’m also challenging myself. I’m continuing classes in Hebrew…I can read it and sometimes even understand it. I tried out for a local choir, a long shot because I haven’t really sung since before Norm’s illness. I didn’t make it, but that’s okay. They were very encouraging. On the way to the try-out, I put it in the Lord’s hands. If this would be too much for me to add, don’t let me make it past this try-out.

I pulled out my guitar, from since before Norm’s illness…and led some ladies in worship. I’m a bit rusty, but that’s okay.

This week I visited Norm’s brother to attend his daughter’s baby shower. Watching and listening to Brian overwhelmed me. He used to be called “Little Norm”…there’s a reason for that. The tone inflections, the facial expressions, the intensity, the arm movements as he tells stories…just like Norm.

Brian came when we spread Norm’s ashes. Sawyer, my grandson, came to me and whispered, “Poppop is here. He’s upstairs in the rocking chair.” He knew something was different, and that Poppop should not be there. Like me, he wanted it to be true, that the loss is just a bad dream.

Unexpected grief just appears and overwhelms without warning. There is still that part of me that doesn’t like to cry in front of others. But there are times they just pour out and can’t be stopped. Today is one of those days.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the years I had with Norm. Seeing Norm reflected in Brian brings happy memories, just sorrow that Norm is no longer telling the stories to me.

I pray for courage as I continue on this path and wisdom for decisions yet to be made.

I rejoice in the faithfulness to God, that He gives joy in sorrow, hope in despair, and light in the darkness.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone.

Posted on August 3, 2026 by tricialathrop

August 2

I went on a cruise to celebrate my sister and my brother in law’s birthdays. We had fun. Then I picked up the grands and brought them to my house for a few days. We had fun. I met Aimee in Atlanta, with Rob and Jennifer to celebrate Sawyer’s birthday and visit the aquarium. This week I’ve been home.

Traveling provides a distraction.

Watching the grands keeps me busy with a lot of laughter, but also reminds me of what I’ve lost. Sierra and Sawyer speak so easily about him, good memories. Sawyer told me he remembers exactly how Poppop looked.

This week, I slept the first two days. And then my procrastination took over. I’ve struggled all my life, read books, listened to speakers who have the answer to procrastination…but still it hits and I’m frozen in time and space. I’m grateful for outside obligations that give me incentive to get things done, even if at the last minute.

Earlier this week I experienced a weird sensation. I’m not sure how to explain it. It was a sense of moving on. Not leaving Norm and his memory behind, but embracing a future where all the decisions are mine to make, as are the consequences of those decisions. Scary thoughts, but also with peace of mind.

Last night I had my first Norm dream where he wasn’t angry or sick. I don’t know if earlier dreams were a result of guilt over Norm’s illness, that maybe I could have done more. Maybe the anger dreams were the way I dealt with my anger that he left me alone. Maybe the dreams showed me how he may have suffered had he continued here on earth. Whatever the reasons, the dream last night was a gift from God, reminding me of the gift He gave me in Norm as my husband.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the joyful years I had with Norm.

I pray for wisdom as I do make decisions on my own, and the ensuing consequences.

I rejoice in the Lord God who has blessed me beyond measure, in the good and in the bad things of life. He remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? It’s in knowing the God holds me in His hand and will not let go.

I tried to include “My Life is in Your Hands” by Kathy Triccoli, but I can’t get it to load here. So go to Youtube and look it up for yourself, a powerful message of hope in the faithfulness of God at all times.

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone.

Posted on July 15, 2026 by tricialathrop

July 15

Yesterday, Norm would have been 70 years old. It hit me hard. I spent a lot of time considering what we would have done. A trip to France, castles in England, return to Scotland, a family trip to Ouray…he did want to take his kids and ride the Off Highway roads in the San Juan Mountains.

The day passed without a lot of fanfare, some texts from family and friends letting know they were thinking of me.

Last year, I prepped for the potential rough days, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. This year? The shock of his loss, I’m adjusting. The just surviving mentality…gone. I no longer steel myself to survive the rough days…they just hit, sometimes full force. The tears flow, and God gives his grace.

But this week, the birthday thing was tough, but not the worst that happened. A storm came through town, and suddenly it sounded like someone had burst open the door of my sunroom. A little afraid, but I looked through the blinds, a window had shattered. I put on shoes, and went out to see what I could do.

Being alone, and having an emergency arise…what to do? Who do I call? It’s late. It’s just a reminder of my life now. I did call my nephew to help me block it, but the storm got worse, water was pooling everywhere. I found a board, wrapped it in plastic trash bags and taped it to the window with packing tape because I couldn’t find the duct tape in all of Norm’s supplies. I placed towels on the floor, and placed some storage bins against the board to keep it from blowing in and reopening.

My nephew arrived, checked its security and the other windows, just in case. All seemed fine and he went back home.

About an hour later, I heard a sound from another window, water not just dripping, but a stream. Another window had a leak. I put towels and a container to catch the water and figured I’d let my handyman look at it when he came to look at the other window. I am so glad that Norm and I found this person, he’s done several jobs for us. I felt comfortable calling him. Fortunately the storm did not last too much longer and the leaking stopped.

He came and checked my patch job, put some extra plastic outside the window, figured he could get it done in a few days. He checked the leak, he also will try to fix it. The beautiful arch window above the leak may need to be replaced…could be causing the leak. But, we’ll deal with that when the time comes.

Going solo has its unexpected challenges, physical as well as emotional. I miss having Norm to hand the house problems over to, now I have to deal with whatever arises…without his insight and wisdom. I’m slowly building a network of people I can trust, relying on input from the people God has placed in my life. I’m able to pass along helpful information of those who have proven themselves to others in need.

I am thankful for the people in my life who are available and willing to help.

I pray for awareness of the people around me, that I will be available to them and willing to help, even when it is late.

I rejoice that God is always available and willing to step in when we ask him.

Where’s the joy? No matter what comes my way, I have what I need.

I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm 104:33-34

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on July 7, 2026 by tricialathrop

July 6

Today, I got the 2027 National Parks Calendar in the mail. I generally don’t keep calendars that are sent, but I do look at the pictures. One looked like a photo Norm had submitted to their monthly contests. I looked at the credit, and it indeed was Norm’s, the month of March. I continued to look at the other pictures, and found July was his photo also.

When we got married, Norm did not do photography. There are far fewer photos of me with our children, than of him with them. All our trips, I took the photos. Occasionally I would hand him the camera so he could take my photo with the kids.

But then, we started taking some trips out west, to Europe…and for the first few, I was the photographer. I did Scrapbooking, which the family still enjoys.

On our second trip to Scotland, Norm took my camera again and again to take shots he thought would be interesting. Finally I told him to get his own camera and he did. He started with an automatic, and within a year moved up the scale to a more professional Cannon.

It didn’t take long for him to be taking beautiful photos of waterfalls, even joined a photo sharing group under the name of Waterfall Guy. He traveled to each of the National Parks in the continental US and had a series of photos from each one. A lot of people followed his Facebook page just for the photos. As they pop up in my feed, I’ve been resharing them.

He won several awards including second place in the National Parks Photo contest. He entered photos from all the parks, the one that won? Taken at Cades Cove in the Smoky Mountains, an hour from where we live.

Today was bittersweet. He would have been so excited. I hugged the calendar and cried.

I am thankful that Norm discovered this talent and passion to take beautiful photos of God’s creation.

I pray for others to see his photos and stand in awe of God, the Creator of all things.

I rejoice in the Lord God, who upholds all creation in His hands.

Where’s the joy? It’s all around, we just have to open our eyes to see it.

Bless the Lord, O my soul! O Lord my God, you are very great! You are clothed with splendor and majesty, covering yourself with light as with a garment, stretching out the heavens like a tent. He lays the beams of his chambers on the waters; he makes the clouds his chariot; he rides on the wings of the wind; he makes his messengers winds, his ministers a flaming fire. He set the earth on its foundations, so that it should never be moved. You covered it with the deep as with a garment; the waters stood above the mountains. At your rebuke they fled; at the sound of your thunder they took to flight. The mountains rose, the valleys sank down to the place that you appointed for them. You set a boundary that they may not pass, so that they might not again cover the earth. You make springs gush forth in the valleys; they flow between the hills; they give drink to every beast of the field; the wild donkeys quench their thirst. Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches. From your lofty abode you water the mountains; the earth is satisfied with the fruit of your work. You cause the grass to grow for the livestock and plants for man to cultivate, that he may bring forth food from the earth and wine to gladden the heart of man, oil to make his face shine and bread to strengthen man’s heart. The trees of the Lord are watered abundantly, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. In them the birds build their nests; the stork has her home in the fir trees. The high mountains are for the wild goats; the rocks are a refuge for the rock badgers. He made the moon to mark the seasons; the sun knows its time for setting. You make darkness, and it is night, when all the beasts of the forest creep about. The young lions roar for their prey, seeking their food from God. When the sun rises, they steal away and lie down in their dens. Man goes out to his work and to his labor until the evening. O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. Here is the sea, great and wide, which teems with creatures innumerable, living things both small and great. There go the ships, and Leviathan, which you formed to play in it. These all look to you, to give them their food in due season. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are filled with good things. When you hide your face, they are dismayed; when you take away their breath, they die and return to their dust. When you send forth your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the ground. May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works, who looks on the earth and it trembles, who touches the mountains and they smoke! I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord. Let sinners be consumed from the earth, and let the wicked be no more! Bless the Lord, O my soul! Praise the Lord! Psalm 104

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on June 29, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 28

I’ve been sick the last few days, the first time since Norm passed. I had a morbid thought, what if I died? How long until someone would notice? I don’t have anyone I check in with every day. During the summer, I don’t have any regularly scheduled events except church on Sundays.

It’s just another realization of walking this path without my companion. It’s hard.

I have friends who have walked the solo path for years. They encourage me. They check in on me. They know the sorrow of the solo walk, yet find the wherewithal to smile and to laugh with me.

I am thankful for the friends that God has placed in my life.

I pray for wisdom as I travel this world solo, Wisdom for decisions. Wisdom for connections. And the wherewithal to praise the Lord even when it is difficult.

I rejoice that God cares for me, and He has a heart for widows in our suffering.

But the righteous shall be glad; they shall exult before God; they shall be jubilant with joy! 4 Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; his name is the Lord; exult before him! 5 Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. 6 God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land. Psalm 68:3-6

Where’s the joy? Every day I am finding it in the grace that God gives me to walk this road.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 14, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 13

Last week I had two days where I felt as if a great load had been lifted. I felt peace and contentment, I smiled and laughed just because. It came as an emotional reprieve, for which I thanked God.

It’s been followed by a week with many tears. Our anniversary is coming up. I planned a trip to Colorado to spread the rest of his ashes in one of his favorite places.

We traveled to Colorado in 2024, as we had done for several years. Norm would rent an OHV for us to drive all around the San Juan Mountains near Ouray and Lake City…he drove, I rode. We visited the ghost towns and the mines. We stopped at the overpasses to admire the beauty of the area. We drove the Million Dollar Highway. We ate lunch and shopped in Silverton and Telluride.

One day when we stopped for a pb&j lunch on one of the trails, Norm looked at me and said, “This is the last year I’ll come here.” That surprised me since he enjoyed it so much. He spoke about other places we wanted to visit. He always wanted to go to the south of France, back to Yellowstone, a trip to finish the National Parks in Alaska, another Viking cruise in Europe…all planned for 2025.

When we got back, he cancelled Alaska. Looking back, I think he knew something was seriously wrong.

We kept the grands the following week, he played with them, but not with the same energy as before. He went to bed when they did and slept late in the morning…I attributed his lack of energy to the trip. We had a great week with Sierra and Sawyer, Dolly Parton’s Stampede, the park, playing with water guns…but after that, other than a few face time calls, they never saw him again.

So why am I going back to the last place that I saw him truly happy? I think because it is where I last saw him happy.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the time I had with Norm. I’m glad that I went with him to Colorado for those trips into the mountains.

I pray that I continue to seek the Lord and His will for my life.

I rejoice that God promises to never let me go.

Where’s the joy? The Lord gives it, sometimes when I least expect it.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! Psalm 8:1-9

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk.

Posted on June 7, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 6

I’ve had my grandchildren for the last week. They are bright, creative and very busy. I am exhausted. But it was such a joy to have them around, the laughter, the stories, the daily challenges as they pushed for what they wanted. Sierra has started to whistle, and every time it reminded me of my mom who loved to whistle. It was a sweet connection for me.

Sawyer talked to me about Poppop’s asses…I finally figured out he meant Poppop’s ashes. He remembered going to Water Rock Knob last year and spreading the ashes. He commented on how cold it had been, and that is true, it was cold and drizzling. I was surprised he remembered it at all.

We are coming up on the anniversary of that event. It seems like so long ago, and yet there are times I expect Norm to be sitting at his computer when I get up.

When I’m tired, I have a negative mindset that tends to take over. Norm could always use his humor to bring me out of it…but I no longer have him in my life. But God has shown me favor and has provided insight as to a way out of the mood, should I choose to take it.

There’s an old narrative/proverb about a Native American grandfather giving wisdom to his grandson. the narrative is about two wolves inside us, in his case I think the wolves represented anger and peace. One wolf is evil and the other is good. The grandson asked which one would win, the answer, the one you feed.

Usually I am positive. I have a good self image, I’m nice, I’m liked, I have friends. But the dark side takes me back to the old song, “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worm”.

When that mindset settles, I feed it with past slights and offenses…real and imaginary. I become passive aggressive, having unspoken expectations that don’t get met because I don’t say anything. I isolate, and when I’m in a group, I stay silent. It’s a vicious cycle that affects all my relationships in an unhealthy way. I see it happening, but I felt powerless to change it.

But this time, when it hit, that proverb came to mind. I realized, I don’t have to feed it. I have hope that I can beat this. God has given me grace since I don’t have Norm to joke me out of it. Since I’m tired, it has reared its ugly head several times today, and I have successfully countered it.

I am under no illusion that this will not come up again…but today, I did it. I didn’t succumb.

Another visual came to mind. A pastor friend of mine preached a sermon about holding grudges. I can see him at the front of the congregation holding a grudge in his hands like a pet. He petted it, he spoke to it…and that visual has stuck with me over the years.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the time I had with my grandchildren. I am exhausted but it was a good time.

I pray for myself to be able to continue connecting to family and friends especially when I get in this mindset.

I rejoice that God has given me grace and hope to not settle into a negative mindset when I’m tired.

Where’s the joy? Staying connected.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139

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