Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Memories

Posted on May 2, 2026 by tricialathrop

May 1

Tears came easily this week. And I’m okay with that.

I’m going on a solo vacation, taking a transatlantic cruise. Seven days with no ports will give me time to pray and ponder my future without any obligations, that’s not totally true, I’ll be working on a class that I’ll be teaching over the summer on the tabernacle. But I plan to take some time to consider what God has for me now.

In June, I’m planning to go to Colorado and go visit the Great American Basin, drive the Million Dollar Highway, and visit Norm’s aunt and cousin.

Norm loved to go to the San Juan Mountains, rent an OHV (off highway vehicle) and travel on the unpaved and windy roads through the mountains. He’d always offer to let me drive, just because one day we got caught in a rain storm that made the unpaved roads very muddy…and I loved it. But that was a different kind of road, there was little chance of me going over the side of the road and falling hundreds of feet.

Besides, he loved the drive, the challenge of the turns, of meeting cars coming the opposite way, of navigating the passes with all the switch backs. He drove the dirt roads, I drove the paved roads.

I remember one pass to Silverton. We started the drive and got to the first switchback, cars were coming the opposite direction…downhill…and we watched several come down. They slid sideways a lot. Finally Norm figured out what was happening. The snow melted and a small layer of water slid under the rocks on the road, causing them to shift. The weight of the cars caused a bigger shift, they slid close to the edge. Norm decided to bypass that ride, he would have had to gun the engine to move uphill and that would have caused a bigger shift in the rocks…the road was narrow and the chance of sliding off the road was high.

We saw beautiful panoramas, the mountains, the valleys, the wild flowers…that was hit or miss depending on the year, the snow, gold and silver mines, ghost towns…every year we had a great adventure.

We talked every year about riding the Silverton train, he’d been on it, I’d been on it, we had never ridden it together. It never worked out. We visited Silverton, ate lunch there and shopped.

Our last visit, we had lunch and then it started to rain, which turned to hail, so much hail that it piled up like snow drifts, children made ice balls, there was so much of pea sized hail. It came time to head back, concerned about the possibility of more snow or ice on the pass we needed to take, we hopped into the OHV and found piles of hail and soaked seats. We headed back, and the sun came out.

Sometimes we’d visit Telluride, take the gondola down into town. We started going there the year I listened to Clive Cussler’s novels about Isaac Bell, a detective from the 1890s. One particular book took place in Telluride. We enjoyed seeing the old places that were mentioned in the book, like the hotel, still there. One year we stayed in Telluride and walked all over town.

2024 was our last great adventure. As we drove over the hills and down into the valleys, enjoying the views and the experience, Norm said that he thought this would be his last year going to Colorado, that we would plan something different for the next year. I guess I really didn’t believe it would be his last…

We went home, he walked the 11 mile trail that he monitored in the Smokeys, and came back extra tired. Sierra and Sawyer came to stay with us for a week. He had little energy and went to bed at 8 when they did. Another month, and he could hardly do anything and did not want to go even for rides through the mountains let alone walk a trail. He went from vibrant energy to invalid in a matter of weeks…

I love the memories, the hotel which had an old bed, one with the ropes instead of springs and a kitchen from the 1940s, the ice cream shop by the park which often had a craft fair going on, the cabin by the river, Katy’s place for breakfast, the ride over Imogene pass…our first OHV ride…

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the times that Norm and I had together and for the thrill that going to the San Juan Mountains gave him.

I pray for the presence of mind to be thankful for the times I have with family and friends, and not to take any of it for granted.

I rejoice that God gave me such a wonderful man with whom to spend 45 years.

Where’s the joy? It’s mixed with sorrow in the memories.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Memories.

Posted on April 27, 2026 by tricialathrop

April 26

This morning I got blind-sided. I’m planning a trip, going solo, and as I spoke about it to a friend, I started crying. I’ve taken trips since Norm passed, I’ve driven and flown on my own. But all of a sudden, the sorrow hit me that he won’t be here to say good-bye. I’ve dealt several times with the fact that he’s no longer here to greet me when I return, but this is the first dealing with his absence when I leave.

I am thankful for all the times that Norm and I had together. The price of love when one goes before the other, grief that appears at any time for any reason.

I pray for wisdom as I face each day.

I rejoice that God remains faithful. He has given me a great group of ladies who encourage me day by day.

Where’s the joy? The memories of the gift of a wonderful man and a loving relationship.

Norm used to say, “Let’s go to the south of France and see cathedrals and castles.”

I’d counter with, “Let’s go see the fjords of Norway.”

In 2024, before Norm got sick, we went to the fjords of Norway with plans for the south of France in 2025. We went with Viking Cruise Lines, met some wonderful couples with whom we won a couple of trivia games, and enjoyed the unique landscape of Norway and Sweden.

We took a train excursion, a boat ride down a fjord to see Pulpit Rock, saw the apartment where ABBA began, enjoyed the art and architecture of multiple towns, and took a bus through a tunnel that had a round about in it.

We stopped by one island that is independent, but kind of overseen by Denmark. As we walked around the town we came across the Russian Embassy building. Across the street, someone had built a memorial for the people of Ukraine in protest of Putin’s invasion, and later that day, a protest had been planned. Norm was disappointed we couldn’t stay and be part of the protest.

We made it into one town on a festival day. I watched from the ship as people walked by dressed in all kinds of costumes pulling wagons and baby carriages that we found out were full of beer. We had fun walking the town and seeing the variety of costuming…but the biggest amazement when the festival concluded, the clean up began, we were shocked at the speed at which the clean up happened. I will say that all the towns were very clean.

In Oslo, we went to Akershus…for those of you who don’t know, Akers is my maiden name. A nordic castle on the hill, it had a statue of FDR, who apparently provided protection for the royal family during the war.

Norm did get sick on the cruise, we thought it was just a bug, but in hindsight, it probably was because of the cancer. I visited Copenhagen without him. I saw the statue of the Little Mermaid, and went to the local amusement park that had the oldest wooden roller coaster in the world, which I rode by myself.

Norm and I had a lot of great times and saw some awesome places. I miss him.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Memories

Posted on April 23, 2026 by tricialathrop

April 22

I was given a set of books for grieving which I read last year, and then I pulled them out to read again before I return them to my friend. They contain excellent encouragement and help. Probably the most valuable advice, don’t grieve according to others time table. It will take as long as it takes.

When I reread them, it mentioned looking at old photo albums can bring up happy memories, but also cause some sadness. I realized, I have not looked at our photo albums since I had to go through them for pictures for Norm’s celebration of life. I’ve avoided the activity.

I’m going to spend the next few blogs, sharing what the experiences Norm and I have had…of which I have pictures.

The first is our 40th anniversary trip to Alaska, that actually took place on our 42nd anniversary. Covid did disrupt a lot of things, including our celebration. And even for our trip in 2022, we had to pass the covid test to get to Alaska, and again to get on the ship. Masks were often required. We passed both tests and did not get sick on the cruise. One lady however, was not allowed to continue on the ship…

We started out on a land tour to Denali. We spent a few days there, the view was totally socked in…no Denali, not even a little glimpse. No Aurora Borealis…again, totally socked in. Disappointing, but we had a good time walking around. We took a bus ride through the park and did see a few wolves…in the distance.

We left the park to go board the ship and the bus driver pulled over about 10 miles outside the park. We all got out and there was Denali in all its glory. Not quite the experience we were looking for…but fun all the same. We stopped at some native villages, saw dog sledding, an old automobile museum, and several historical sites and museums…Norm and I enjoyed those thoroughly.

At one stop, we saw a gathering of cranes at their northern migration point. Norm went to their southern migration point in Tennessee. He loved taking pictures of large groups of animals.

At one port we went to a river to watch bear catching fish. One bear sat in the water and watched us in the bus on the bridge. Norm got a lot of pictures. Then the bear got tired and moved on, so did we. In Juneau for our 20th, we had gone to the Red Dog Saloon. We went back on this cruise…so crowded! It took away from the enjoyment, but still fun.

When we made port in Vancouver, while we waited to board our plane, we took a tour of Vancouver. It was a great conclusion for a great trip. Getting home was a different story…delays at customs and a missed plane…but we finally made it.

O
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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Moving Forward

Posted on April 13, 2026 by tricialathrop

April 12

Last week was really tough, this week has been better. But some days, I don’t know just how to proceed.

I had our Bradford Pear tree pruned this week, an overdue pruning. This year, it had been full of blossoms, and the leaves filled it out nicely. Last year, several birds built their nests in the tree…guest parked their cars under it at their own risk. It took several hours, a couple of days to clean the leaves…with no Norm to help.

Pruning a Bradford Pear is essential for the health of the tree, and to avoid splitting. But now it just looks barren and dead.

I feel like the tree looks. Walking this road without my chief support and encouragement is a challenge. No one wants to lose a loved one. I know it will take time. I know that my future is in God’s hands. Like the pruned tree will grow new leaves and blossoms, I too will continue to live a life full of good friends and encouragement.

I am thankful for the friends that God has brought my way and the encouragement they provide.

I pray for a heart of gratitude each day that I arise, not looking at what I’ve lost, but looking forward to what God has planned for me day by day.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation, who has a plan for my life that no longer includes Norm.

Where’s the joy? Every day I have hope in the Lord, that He will guide and give me all that I need.

But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation all the day, for their number is past my knowledge. With the mighty deeds of the Lord God I will come; I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone. O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come. Your righteousness, O God, reaches the high heavens. You who have done great things, O God, who is like you? You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. I will also praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God; I will sing praises to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel. My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. Psalm 71:14-23

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Moving Forward

Posted on April 5, 2026 by tricialathrop

April 4

Actually this week I feel like I’ve taken a giant leap backwards. Lots of tears, deep sobs like last year. I don’t know what triggered it, but wow…it has knocked me for a loop. I was warned by other widows…there is no timeline to the grief. There will be days…weeks…It will get easier, but it will never go totally away.

While I prayed this morning, bemoaning my loneliness and isolation, God brought gratitude to my mind. I had focused on my feeling of isolation, but then I began to consider this week. Saturday and Sunday, I spent time with my daughter Aimee, her children, Sierra and Sawyer, and had lunch with my daughter Jennifer. Tuesday, Vickie and Edna came to help with my flower beds. I love having flowers in my beds…don’t like doing the work to make it happen. Tuesday afternoon I spent with Donna, finding out about her trip to Mexico, and discussing my plans to travel this year. Wednesday, I spent with some ladies studying the Word of God, and then lunch. Thursday, I had lunch with Barb…it lasted four hours. Thursday night, I attended the Maundy Thursday service, focusing on the sacrifices that Christ made for us. And yesterday, Caleb and his father came by.

Norm mentored Caleb in photography. When we thought Norm would be better and able to go hiking and do photography again, he spoke of Caleb and the places they could go where he could introduce new techniques to him. Caleb told me some stories of their adventures, and how much he had learned from Norm.

Norm encouraged. Norm challenged. Norm showed the love of God to the people around him…usually with a touch of humor.

Tomorrow is Easter. I had planned to attend a sunrise service at Eagle Rock, however, rain is expected and so they cancelled. Usually they would just move it indoors, but some construction issues make that impossible. So I’ll go to church at the regular time, and tomorrow afternoon go to my niece’s home for Easter dinner.

In my quiet time, I’m reading through Hebrews and today’s passage mentioned Christ, as the true high priest, taking his blood into the heavenly Holy of holies to give His blood so that our consciences can be cleansed from dead works to serve the living God.

Norm used to have an illustration he used to explain what Christ had done for us. We will all give an accounting of our lives. We have a sheet of credit and debit for what we have done and said in our lives. We think our good will outweigh the bad we’ve done, and we might get into heaven by the skin of our teeth. But in reality, we have all sinned and come short of what God requires of us.

The payment for the wrong things we have said, done or thought is eternal separation from God. So one day, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God, and while He does not desire that any perish, the sin is there and the debt must be paid.

Back to the accounting sheet, Satan is the accuser and when we stand before God, he will be bringing up every infraction, and while God is a loving Father, he is also a righteous judge.

When we recognize that we are unable to keep God’s way perfectly, and we acknowledge that Jesus paid the price for us, then our credit/debit sheet is swapped with Jesus’. He died on the cross, shedding his blood to pay the penalty of death, and we receive his righteousness to our credit. Because of the actions of Christ, we receive eternal life with God. That is our hope, and that is the joy of Easter. Death could not hold Jesus. His sacrifice on the cross opened the door for us to be in the presence of the Lord forever. His resurrection proved that death has no more hold on us.

I am thankful for many things today. For God’s faithfulness as I walk this road. For Norm’s influence on my life. For friends and family who continue to be there for me. For Jesus who died and rose again.

I pray for grace to be encouraging and also challenging to those around me.

I rejoice in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection that gives me hope.

Where’s the joy? It’s found in the hope that we have in Christ.

But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption.
For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God. 15 Therefore he is the mediator of a new covenant, so that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance, since a death has occurred that redeems them from the transgressions committed under the first covenant.
For where a will is involved, the death of the one who made it must be established. For a will takes effect only at death, since it is not in force as long as the one who made it is alive.
Therefore not even the first covenant was inaugurated without blood. For when every commandment of the law had been declared by Moses to all the people, he took the blood of calves and goats, with water and scarlet wool and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book itself and all the people, saying, “This is the blood of the covenant that God commanded for you.”
And in the same way he sprinkled with the blood both the tent and all the vessels used in worship.
Indeed, under the law almost everything is purified with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins. Thus it was necessary for the copies of the heavenly things to be purified with these rites, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.
For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf.
Nor was it to offer himself repeatedly, as the high priest enters the holy places every year with blood not his own, for then he would have had to suffer repeatedly since the foundation of the world. But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.
And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him. Hebrews 9:11-28

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Moving Forward

Posted on April 2, 2026 by tricialathrop

April 1

Over the weekend, I visited Aimee and the grands. I love spending time with them, but it also tugs at my heart. They had so much fun with Norm. We played games, dyed eggs, read stories, watched movies and went to the children’s museum where Sawyer showed me how well he could navigate the maze. Sierra and I worked a craft. Aimee and I went on a Trolley tour of Savannah. It was a short but fun trip.

It’s been a tough few days. At this time last year, we had Norm’s celebration of life. I’m trying to sort through Norm’s items, that I’ve set aside. I’ve thrown away a few things, some items will be given to specific people, but mostly, I’m just organizing it better…to be dealt with at a later date.

One of my widow friends told me that I’ll have a series of good days, and then one will come and knock my feet out from under me. She was so right. Today I walked around in a fog. I was with people, but on disconnect. Some days are more difficult than others.

Regardless of my feelings from day to day, God remains faithful.

I am thankful for God’s continued faithfulness as I walk this path.

I pray for wisdom as I make decisions for the future.

I rejoice in the celebration of the proof of God’s love this weekend, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I’m looking forward to a sunrise service.

Where’s the joy? I don’t feel it all the time, but every day I have a chance to cry and a chance to laugh.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:21-24

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Moving Forward

Posted on March 23, 2026 by tricialathrop

March 22

Today was a weepy day. This morning I focused on regrets. Things I could have said and done, and didn’t. Norm and I were together over 44 years, and we began to take each other for granted. It happens.

One regret, I told Norm of my plan to write legacy letters to him and the kids to be opened when I die. The letters would tell special memories, what each one meant to me, what I hope for them and their lives, a prayer…things like that. Norm said I should write them and give them while I am still alive.

I could have written a letter to Norm that day, but I didn’t. Months went by, and I still didn’t. He used to comment that I was strong and independent, and didn’t really need him. I remember telling him at the time, that, yeah, if something happened to him, I’d be okay. But then, I told him that I didn’t want to be without him…and isn’t that better that I wanted to be with him, than that I needed to be with him?

Though I’m doing okay, I needed him more than I knew. I miss his wisdom, his questions that made me stop and think before I acted. I miss his humor, he could dissemble my fears or frustrations with a timely joke or comment. I miss his physical presence, just being in the same room was a comfort. I miss his support, he allowed me to be and do far more than I ever thought possible.

We have a reality that cannot be denied. At some point, we will all die. Our mortality will catch up with us. We don’t know when we will give or receive a last hug, speak our last “love you”, eat a last meal together, have a last fun day…and by the time we know it was the last, it’s too late to embrace the moment.

At this point, I can’t change what I did or didn’t say or do for Norm, but I can be more mindful to speak encouragement to my family and friends and to do things that will bless them.

If you are reading this, take the time to reach out to someone who has been on your mind. Give them a call, take them to lunch, write a letter…be an encouragement and a blessing.

I am thankful for the years I had with Norm. He made my life better in every way.

I pray for insight as to my words and actions for the people around me. I want to encourage and bless others when the opportunity arises. I want to minimize regrets for actions left undone or words left unspoken.

I rejoice in the Lord God who desires the best for all of us. He has placed people in our lives to encourage and to be an encouragement.

Where’s the joy? Norm and I loved each other. We had a great life together.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Moving Forward.

Posted on March 20, 2026 by tricialathrop

March 19

I took off my wedding ring today. Over the past year I’ve pondered when it would be the correct time to remove it. And today, I did. No fanfare, no drama, some tears, but today was the day.

I dreamed about Norm the other night. In it, he had come back to life. It started really good, but then I realized I’ve made adjustments in his absence. I had some angst, a struggle to readjust to his presence…and some guilt over having made those adjustments.

This is the hardest life struggle I have ever experienced. I have friends who have walked this road before me, and they have been a great source of help and encouragement. While all our stories are a story of loss, each is different in how it manifests in our life and the timing.

Still not sure what the future holds, but I know that God remains faithful. I see His hand at work in my life.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise. Isaiah 43:19-21

I am thankful for all the people in my life who have walked this path with me, encouraging me, challenging me, and just being there for me.

I pray for wisdom as I move forward, or as a friend suggested, as I move into what God has planned for me.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of the Lord God and His continuing love for me.

Where’s the joy? It’s embracing all that the Lord brings into my life, the good along with those things that don’t seem good at the time. I remember, God is faithful.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk… Moving Forward

Posted on March 12, 2026 by tricialathrop

March 11

It’s been a full year since Norm passed away. Wise advice says to wait at least a year before making any major life changing choices like moving, changing jobs…things like that.

Thank you to all of you who have been praying and providing encouragement and support over this last year. I know that it helped me to persevere and not give in to depression or despair. It’s been the toughest thing I have ever experienced, but God has been faithful.

I took a cruise so that I wouldn’t be home for the anniversary of Norm’s passing. On that day, I took an excursion to Cathedral Caves on Eleuthera in the Bahamas. It’s a place where Norm would have wanted to spend a good deal of time, taking photos, playing with the lights and shadows, creating a photo to draw one’s eyes to the Creator of all things.

That night, my daughter Jennifer, and two of my sisters and I played a game on the ship called Majority Minds. It doesn’t matter if your answer is right or wrong, it just matters how well you match the other players. I’m actually pretty good at the game, we got all the answers. They told us to come up and get our reward…Disney cruise gives plastic medals…we got Goofy, Norm’s favorite character. We all had a “whoa” moment.

The next day, I stood on the deck watching the sun peek through the clouds, the rays spreading across the water. I realized that I don’t have to focus on the sorrow or the pain. Norm is free from all pain and sorrow, he is in the best of all places. I miss him, but I wouldn’t want him to come back to the pain. I can focus on the joyful memories. Not that I won’t still cry, today was a weepy day…but the memories are good.

I’m not making any major changes right now, but I am moving forward. I’m not sure what the future looks like without Norm, but God does. I can trust Him to lead me.

I am thankful for the memories of Norm and our time together.

I pray for wisdom as I continue my life on this earth, that I will be an encouragement to others.

I rejoice that God sent Jesus Christ to this earth to reveal the depth of His love for us.

Moving forward: What have I put off that needs to be done? What needs to be set aside? How can I minister to the people in my sphere of influence? Where do I need to focus?

He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

Ecclesiastes 11:4-6

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 4, 2026 by tricialathrop

March 3

Tough week! On March 6 it will be one year since Norm went on to walk with God in the Garden of the Lord.

Anniversaries should be times of celebration, a wedding, a birthday, first kiss. Unfortunately we also have anniversaries of times that are not so great like death and war. It’s important to commemorate those things…just no fun.

If I lived in Victorian times, I would be looking forward to getting back out in society. Bringing out my colorful dresses in preparation of setting aside the black I would have worn all year. It’s like society said, “Okay, you’ve had a year…get over it.”

There are probably some who think that, and honestly, it’s in my mind that way. Okay a year, time to move forward. However, in talking to my friends who are also widows, there is no set end date. Some are ready to move on in a year, others take longer…and that’s okay. Some say the second year is worse than the first, not a pleasant thought. All the firsts were pretty tough, I can’t imagine the second being tougher.

I’ve been fortunate, the people in my life have been very supportive and I’ve had no insensitive comments. So kudos to my family and friends for their support, thank you.

Where’s the joy? Today started sadly, but God gave me a good day overall.

I am thankful for the support that God has given me this year through His Word, my family and friends.

I pray for wisdom as I do mover forward. God left me here because my work is not yet done…not really sure what that is or looks like, but I trust He will reveal it as I go.

I rejoice that God’s love is always present, even when I don’t feel it.

Where’s the joy? It’s in God’s presence.

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! 

For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to him again? 

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen. 

Ro 11:33–36.

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