Posts Tagged With: help

Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone.

July 15

Yesterday, Norm would have been 70 years old. It hit me hard. I spent a lot of time considering what we would have done. A trip to France, castles in England, return to Scotland, a family trip to Ouray…he did want to take his kids and ride the Off Highway roads in the San Juan Mountains.

The day passed without a lot of fanfare, some texts from family and friends letting know they were thinking of me.

Last year, I prepped for the potential rough days, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. This year? The shock of his loss, I’m adjusting. The just surviving mentality…gone. I no longer steel myself to survive the rough days…they just hit, sometimes full force. The tears flow, and God gives his grace.

But this week, the birthday thing was tough, but not the worst that happened. A storm came through town, and suddenly it sounded like someone had burst open the door of my sunroom. A little afraid, but I looked through the blinds, a window had shattered. I put on shoes, and went out to see what I could do.

Being alone, and having an emergency arise…what to do? Who do I call? It’s late. It’s just a reminder of my life now. I did call my nephew to help me block it, but the storm got worse, water was pooling everywhere. I found a board, wrapped it in plastic trash bags and taped it to the window with packing tape because I couldn’t find the duct tape in all of Norm’s supplies. I placed towels on the floor, and placed some storage bins against the board to keep it from blowing in and reopening.

My nephew arrived, checked its security and the other windows, just in case. All seemed fine and he went back home.

About an hour later, I heard a sound from another window, water not just dripping, but a stream. Another window had a leak. I put towels and a container to catch the water and figured I’d let my handyman look at it when he came to look at the other window. I am so glad that Norm and I found this person, he’s done several jobs for us. I felt comfortable calling him. Fortunately the storm did not last too much longer and the leaking stopped.

He came and checked my patch job, put some extra plastic outside the window, figured he could get it done in a few days. He checked the leak, he also will try to fix it. The beautiful arch window above the leak may need to be replaced…could be causing the leak. But, we’ll deal with that when the time comes.

Going solo has its unexpected challenges, physical as well as emotional. I miss having Norm to hand the house problems over to, now I have to deal with whatever arises…without his insight and wisdom. I’m slowly building a network of people I can trust, relying on input from the people God has placed in my life. I’m able to pass along helpful information of those who have proven themselves to others in need.

I am thankful for the people in my life who are available and willing to help.

I pray for awareness of the people around me, that I will be available to them and willing to help, even when it is late.

I rejoice that God is always available and willing to step in when we ask him.

Where’s the joy? No matter what comes my way, I have what I need.

I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm 104:33-34

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

December 2

Last year at this time, I began this post to deal with Norm’s cancer, hoping to focus on the positive and the joy of the season during a time of trial. It has been and continues to be therapeutic for me. I can share things here that I don’t share in person.

Today, I pondered why I am more open on this site than in person. I discovered it is because I can cry freely while I write. Then I wondered why I don’t cry with people…oh tears come and they fall, but I don’t allow myself to sob and weep.

I realized that I don’t cry because as a child, I cried a lot. Siblings and acquaintances called me “Cry Baby”. I learned to control the tears. They might well up in my eyes, but I would not let them fall. Norm’s death opened those gates, I still don’t allow the sobbing, but the tears will sometimes fall unbidden in the presence of others.

What am I going to do with this insight into my responses? Don’t know.

Tomorrow is my birthday, my first without Norm. He was always really good about doing something special with me. Whether a show or visiting a special site, he was good at coming up with something I’d enjoy. But, he’s not here.

I will be busy tomorrow, a brunch with my Bible study ladies, taking a friend to her doctor, and to end the day, a steak dinner with my sister and nieces and nephews which will be fun. When I’m not out doing, I’ll be putting out my Christmas decorations.

My birthday is usually the day I begin to think about goals for the next year and finding a Bible verse to focus on. One year the verse was to give thanks in everything…I felt like I fell short. Then the next year, it was “Rejoice always”… it was a tough year. My son Robert had a heart ablation, and later was diagnosed with Addison’s disease, Norm and I had some issues which needed work, and my best friend and I had a falling out…rejoicing didn’t happen much that year, but focusing on the call to rejoice allowed me to focus on giving thanks.

2025 began with a struggle to get Norm through chemo therapy and then healing, and after his death it became a matter of just living day to day without him in my life. I’ve seen the faithfulness of God throughout Norm’s cancer fight and my widowhood. Not anything we would have chosen, but God never promised a freedom from suffering, He promises to walk through it with us, bringing the encouragement we need to live each day. And with His presence, in the midst of all of this, God has given me moments of joy that cannot be explained.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

Psalm 121:1–8

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the reminder each Christmas of the coming of Jesus Christ, who came because God loved us and wants us to live in harmony with Him and with one another.

I pray for wisdom and courage to speak and act in order to bless the people around me.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation who always gives me hope.

Where’s the joy? It is found only in God who is my helper, my protector, and the keeper of my soul.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

October 10

I’ve struggled this whole week with feeling overwhelmed. It reached a point of paralysis, where I didn’t have the mindset or the energy to do anything. I’ve got a lot on my plate, and I found myself unable to move forward.

This morning during my quiet time with the Lord, I wrote in my journal that I was edgy and not at peace. I needed hope. I read Psalm 70 in which David wrote, “I am afflicted and needy.”

The middle of the Psalm deals with David praying against the enemies that humiliated and shamed him. I thought, I don’t have enemies other than my own pride and procrastination, but those very things hold me back, causing shame when I think I’ve failed, and keep me from moving forward.

But the rest of the Psalm, the request for help from God, knowing that God is my help and my deliverer, ended with the plea, “Do not delay.”

I listened to a book last week, “The Power of Writing It Down” by Allison Fallon. So I decided to write down what had me stressed. I found that by writing it out, it wasn’t quite as overwhelming as I had thought. While it’s a lot, it’s manageable.

So once again, the Lord gave me what I needed before I knew the need.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that God remains faithful to me and always provides what I need.

I pray for a heart to glorify God in all that I say and do.

I rejoice that He is my salvation, my fortress and my deliverer.

Where’s the joy? It’s in knowing that God is always there, even when I’m stressed and feeling sorry for myself.

O God, hasten to deliver me; O Lord, hasten to my help.

Let those be ashamed and humiliated who seek my life; Let those be turned back and dishonored who delight in my hurt.

Let those be turned back because of their shame, who say “Aha, aha!”

Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; And let those who love Your salvation say continually, “Let God be magnified.”

But I am afflicted and needy; hasten to me O God!

You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.

Psalm 70

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