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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on August 20, 2026 by tricialathrop

August 19

I thought I was doing pretty good. I’m getting used to not having Norm around, not liking it, but getting used to it.

But the last few weeks, I’ve felt weird. That’s the only word to describe it. I’ve struggled with a lack of focus. I forgot to attend two classes this week. I missed having fun with my sister because I left too late, and she was time constrained. I’ve wasted hours on mindless games and media scrolling.

As I’ve struggled to figure out why I felt weird, I thought it might have to do with a busy month ahead or starting up a Bible study again, or possibly depression.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for a checkup. As I prepared, I thought about all those questions they ask now that I’m older…and answering honestly would lead to a question of depression. All of a sudden, I received insight…

Two years ago at this time, I had a doctor’s appointment. I told her that my numbers would be off because I felt stressed, Norm was experiencing a lack of sleep and his body itched all over. She asked what tests had been ordered, none, his doctor wouldn’t see him while he was running a fever. I asked if she was taking new patients. She agreed to see him, and her intervention gave me a few extra months with Norm.

My subconscious and my emotions were responding to an anniversary of everything hitting the fan and changing the direction of my life forever. The uncertainty, the lack of focus, all subconscious responses before my brain caught up and understood. It reminds me of how the week before my period, I was short-tempered and emotional. I’d snap at Norm or one of the kids, and then all of a sudden, I’d realize what it was and calm down.

I’m hoping this is the same, now that I know the cause of the weird feeling, I can relax a bit. I’m under no illusions, the next 7 months will be difficult, perhaps more difficult than last year. The shock of Norm’s loss and the accompanying adrenaline is gone. Now, I’m aware. I can walk this path one day at a time, because God is with me and He will not leave me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I don’t walk this path alone. I have friends who have walked this road before me. I have others who have not had the experience, but still encourage and walk with me.

I pray for wisdom, I need it for direction, for decisions, for interactions with others.

I rejoice that God is always faithful and knows what is coming.

Where’s the joy? Right now I’m content, and I’m good with that.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.” As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not alone

Posted on August 15, 2026 by tricialathrop

August 14

Today while I was out, I heard a song, “Ain’t no mountain high enough…to keep me from getting to you”. I cried because there is no way for me to get to Norm without dying and that is not what God has planned for me at this time.

This is a weird existence. Living without Norm means that I’m the decision maker for this household of one. Any decision I make or don’t make, the consequences are mine. I miss Norm’s wisdom.

I am struggling. I didn’t expect to have days where I find myself unable to do anything profitable. I feel frozen in time…but time continues to pass and then I’m rushing to finish what needs to be done. To be honest, procrastination has been a life long problem but now I can blame it on widowhood…

I had planned to get a lot done around the house this month since I have fewer commitments. September will be busy and then the holidays are just around the corner. Tomorrow is a new day to try again.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for each new day, for each day is a chance to do better, to be nicer, to move forward.

I pray for wisdom as I make decisions, and also for the gumption to do what needs to be done.

I rejoice that God has me in the palm of His hand and will not drop me.

Where’s the joy? I read a quote from Oswald Chambers, “Let memory have its way. It is a minister of God.” Not sure what it means, but I know that my memories of Norm are good ones and mostly make me smile.

Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation. Great are the works of the Lord, studied by all who delight in them. Full of splendor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful. He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever. He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the inheritance of the nations. The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy; they are established forever and ever, to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness. He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name! The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever! Psalm 111:1-10

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone.

Posted on August 3, 2026 by tricialathrop

August 2

I went on a cruise to celebrate my sister and my brother in law’s birthdays. We had fun. Then I picked up the grands and brought them to my house for a few days. We had fun. I met Aimee in Atlanta, with Rob and Jennifer to celebrate Sawyer’s birthday and visit the aquarium. This week I’ve been home.

Traveling provides a distraction.

Watching the grands keeps me busy with a lot of laughter, but also reminds me of what I’ve lost. Sierra and Sawyer speak so easily about him, good memories. Sawyer told me he remembers exactly how Poppop looked.

This week, I slept the first two days. And then my procrastination took over. I’ve struggled all my life, read books, listened to speakers who have the answer to procrastination…but still it hits and I’m frozen in time and space. I’m grateful for outside obligations that give me incentive to get things done, even if at the last minute.

Earlier this week I experienced a weird sensation. I’m not sure how to explain it. It was a sense of moving on. Not leaving Norm and his memory behind, but embracing a future where all the decisions are mine to make, as are the consequences of those decisions. Scary thoughts, but also with peace of mind.

Last night I had my first Norm dream where he wasn’t angry or sick. I don’t know if earlier dreams were a result of guilt over Norm’s illness, that maybe I could have done more. Maybe the anger dreams were the way I dealt with my anger that he left me alone. Maybe the dreams showed me how he may have suffered had he continued here on earth. Whatever the reasons, the dream last night was a gift from God, reminding me of the gift He gave me in Norm as my husband.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the joyful years I had with Norm.

I pray for wisdom as I do make decisions on my own, and the ensuing consequences.

I rejoice in the Lord God who has blessed me beyond measure, in the good and in the bad things of life. He remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? It’s in knowing the God holds me in His hand and will not let go.

I tried to include “My Life is in Your Hands” by Kathy Triccoli, but I can’t get it to load here. So go to Youtube and look it up for yourself, a powerful message of hope in the faithfulness of God at all times.

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone.

Posted on July 15, 2026 by tricialathrop

July 15

Yesterday, Norm would have been 70 years old. It hit me hard. I spent a lot of time considering what we would have done. A trip to France, castles in England, return to Scotland, a family trip to Ouray…he did want to take his kids and ride the Off Highway roads in the San Juan Mountains.

The day passed without a lot of fanfare, some texts from family and friends letting know they were thinking of me.

Last year, I prepped for the potential rough days, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. This year? The shock of his loss, I’m adjusting. The just surviving mentality…gone. I no longer steel myself to survive the rough days…they just hit, sometimes full force. The tears flow, and God gives his grace.

But this week, the birthday thing was tough, but not the worst that happened. A storm came through town, and suddenly it sounded like someone had burst open the door of my sunroom. A little afraid, but I looked through the blinds, a window had shattered. I put on shoes, and went out to see what I could do.

Being alone, and having an emergency arise…what to do? Who do I call? It’s late. It’s just a reminder of my life now. I did call my nephew to help me block it, but the storm got worse, water was pooling everywhere. I found a board, wrapped it in plastic trash bags and taped it to the window with packing tape because I couldn’t find the duct tape in all of Norm’s supplies. I placed towels on the floor, and placed some storage bins against the board to keep it from blowing in and reopening.

My nephew arrived, checked its security and the other windows, just in case. All seemed fine and he went back home.

About an hour later, I heard a sound from another window, water not just dripping, but a stream. Another window had a leak. I put towels and a container to catch the water and figured I’d let my handyman look at it when he came to look at the other window. I am so glad that Norm and I found this person, he’s done several jobs for us. I felt comfortable calling him. Fortunately the storm did not last too much longer and the leaking stopped.

He came and checked my patch job, put some extra plastic outside the window, figured he could get it done in a few days. He checked the leak, he also will try to fix it. The beautiful arch window above the leak may need to be replaced…could be causing the leak. But, we’ll deal with that when the time comes.

Going solo has its unexpected challenges, physical as well as emotional. I miss having Norm to hand the house problems over to, now I have to deal with whatever arises…without his insight and wisdom. I’m slowly building a network of people I can trust, relying on input from the people God has placed in my life. I’m able to pass along helpful information of those who have proven themselves to others in need.

I am thankful for the people in my life who are available and willing to help.

I pray for awareness of the people around me, that I will be available to them and willing to help, even when it is late.

I rejoice that God is always available and willing to step in when we ask him.

Where’s the joy? No matter what comes my way, I have what I need.

I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm 104:33-34

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on July 7, 2026 by tricialathrop

July 6

Today, I got the 2027 National Parks Calendar in the mail. I generally don’t keep calendars that are sent, but I do look at the pictures. One looked like a photo Norm had submitted to their monthly contests. I looked at the credit, and it indeed was Norm’s, the month of March. I continued to look at the other pictures, and found July was his photo also.

When we got married, Norm did not do photography. There are far fewer photos of me with our children, than of him with them. All our trips, I took the photos. Occasionally I would hand him the camera so he could take my photo with the kids.

But then, we started taking some trips out west, to Europe…and for the first few, I was the photographer. I did Scrapbooking, which the family still enjoys.

On our second trip to Scotland, Norm took my camera again and again to take shots he thought would be interesting. Finally I told him to get his own camera and he did. He started with an automatic, and within a year moved up the scale to a more professional Cannon.

It didn’t take long for him to be taking beautiful photos of waterfalls, even joined a photo sharing group under the name of Waterfall Guy. He traveled to each of the National Parks in the continental US and had a series of photos from each one. A lot of people followed his Facebook page just for the photos. As they pop up in my feed, I’ve been resharing them.

He won several awards including second place in the National Parks Photo contest. He entered photos from all the parks, the one that won? Taken at Cades Cove in the Smoky Mountains, an hour from where we live.

Today was bittersweet. He would have been so excited. I hugged the calendar and cried.

I am thankful that Norm discovered this talent and passion to take beautiful photos of God’s creation.

I pray for others to see his photos and stand in awe of God, the Creator of all things.

I rejoice in the Lord God, who upholds all creation in His hands.

Where’s the joy? It’s all around, we just have to open our eyes to see it.

Bless the Lord, O my soul! O Lord my God, you are very great! You are clothed with splendor and majesty, covering yourself with light as with a garment, stretching out the heavens like a tent. He lays the beams of his chambers on the waters; he makes the clouds his chariot; he rides on the wings of the wind; he makes his messengers winds, his ministers a flaming fire. He set the earth on its foundations, so that it should never be moved. You covered it with the deep as with a garment; the waters stood above the mountains. At your rebuke they fled; at the sound of your thunder they took to flight. The mountains rose, the valleys sank down to the place that you appointed for them. You set a boundary that they may not pass, so that they might not again cover the earth. You make springs gush forth in the valleys; they flow between the hills; they give drink to every beast of the field; the wild donkeys quench their thirst. Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches. From your lofty abode you water the mountains; the earth is satisfied with the fruit of your work. You cause the grass to grow for the livestock and plants for man to cultivate, that he may bring forth food from the earth and wine to gladden the heart of man, oil to make his face shine and bread to strengthen man’s heart. The trees of the Lord are watered abundantly, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. In them the birds build their nests; the stork has her home in the fir trees. The high mountains are for the wild goats; the rocks are a refuge for the rock badgers. He made the moon to mark the seasons; the sun knows its time for setting. You make darkness, and it is night, when all the beasts of the forest creep about. The young lions roar for their prey, seeking their food from God. When the sun rises, they steal away and lie down in their dens. Man goes out to his work and to his labor until the evening. O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. Here is the sea, great and wide, which teems with creatures innumerable, living things both small and great. There go the ships, and Leviathan, which you formed to play in it. These all look to you, to give them their food in due season. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are filled with good things. When you hide your face, they are dismayed; when you take away their breath, they die and return to their dust. When you send forth your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the ground. May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works, who looks on the earth and it trembles, who touches the mountains and they smoke! I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord. Let sinners be consumed from the earth, and let the wicked be no more! Bless the Lord, O my soul! Praise the Lord! Psalm 104

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on June 29, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 28

I’ve been sick the last few days, the first time since Norm passed. I had a morbid thought, what if I died? How long until someone would notice? I don’t have anyone I check in with every day. During the summer, I don’t have any regularly scheduled events except church on Sundays.

It’s just another realization of walking this path without my companion. It’s hard.

I have friends who have walked the solo path for years. They encourage me. They check in on me. They know the sorrow of the solo walk, yet find the wherewithal to smile and to laugh with me.

I am thankful for the friends that God has placed in my life.

I pray for wisdom as I travel this world solo, Wisdom for decisions. Wisdom for connections. And the wherewithal to praise the Lord even when it is difficult.

I rejoice that God cares for me, and He has a heart for widows in our suffering.

But the righteous shall be glad; they shall exult before God; they shall be jubilant with joy! 4 Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; his name is the Lord; exult before him! 5 Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. 6 God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land. Psalm 68:3-6

Where’s the joy? Every day I am finding it in the grace that God gives me to walk this road.

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on June 23, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 22

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. The date doesn’t go away just because he’s no longer here with me. My daughter and sister came and went out to lunch with me. They helped to make it a pleasant day, and not a day filled with tears.

Last week I drove to Colorado. A friend had planned to join me, but a family situation caused her to stay behind. I think God planned it that way.

On the way out, I stopped to see friends we had known in Cincinnati. On the way back, I had lunch with a friend from college. Both were great visits…catching up, sharing what’s happening in our lives. I stayed a couple of days with Norm’s aunt and his one cousin…I don’t even know how many cousins I have…She says that she is the only cousin on both sides of the family.

They were great times of connection, my word for this year. I plan to be intentional about making connections, and renewing connections I’ve had in the past.

I went solo for most of the trip. I drove around the San Juan mountains, took the Million Dollar Highway, the Silver Thread Highway and a number of scenic roads. As I tried to find the Great American Basin, I found myself on roads better suited for ATV’s.

It didn’t take too long on the unpaved road for me to find a place to turn around, usually a series of y-turns at a passing spot on a very narrow road. When Norm and I went on these roads in the OHV (off highway vehicle), we saw a lot of Subaru Crosstreks. I knew my car could make it…not so sure of the ability of the driver on the rocks and tight turns. Being solo, I didn’t want to risk it.

I thought about taking the train from Durango to Silverton, a beautiful ride I did with a friend before Norm and I started dating. Going solo on the train didn’t bother me, it was the two hours in Silverton for lunch and shopping. Norm and I lunched and shopped in Silverton whenever we were in the area…I didn’t want to do it solo.

For several mornings, I arose, got some breakfast and got in the car for a drive through the mountains. I’d put on Sandy Patti, 2nd Chapter of Acts, Avalon, or Point of Grace and just drive. Beautiful scenery and the voices of praise to the Lord lifted my spirit…and brought out that I was upset with God.

God could have healed Norm completely, but chose to take him. It’s difficult to trust when the outcome is not what one wants. But I’m trying to practice what I have told others, when one is angry with God, might as well tell Him…He knows it already. When one admits the anger, then God will work to bring it back to trust, that He loves us and wants the best for us.

The anger at God was followed by being upset with myself. There were things I could have done differently, and there are words I regret not saying. I could spend days in regret, but I cannot change the past and I don’t think there was anything I could have done to keep Norm alive longer. What I can do, is be more intentional about the relationships with family and friends that are still here.

And then, I was upset with Norm…like he could have kept himself from getting cancer.

I’ve processed through these emotions before, and I’m under no illusion that this will be the last time. But in all this, I can still say, God is with me and God is faithful. He brings me back to hope every time.

Some of the roads I took, I had driven with Norm. Others were new to me. I realized that this is my life moving forward. Some adventures will be ones that Norm and I took in the past, filled with memories, good and bad. There will also be new adventures that I will experience on my own…good and bad. Whether solo, with friends, or with family, it will all be okay.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my trip to Colorado. The time with family and friends, as well as the time solo encouraged my heart. I am blessed to have been able to do it.

I pray for the connections that will come my way as I walk solo, that I will be an encouragement, that I will challenge others to be more than they think they can be, and that I will be faithful to pray for their walk in this life.

I rejoice that we have hope, and that hope will not disappoint.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.
For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.
More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:1-11

https://youtu.be/KZ3H3lg9NZM?si=coCtXCondni0IQPv

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 14, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 13

Last week I had two days where I felt as if a great load had been lifted. I felt peace and contentment, I smiled and laughed just because. It came as an emotional reprieve, for which I thanked God.

It’s been followed by a week with many tears. Our anniversary is coming up. I planned a trip to Colorado to spread the rest of his ashes in one of his favorite places.

We traveled to Colorado in 2024, as we had done for several years. Norm would rent an OHV for us to drive all around the San Juan Mountains near Ouray and Lake City…he drove, I rode. We visited the ghost towns and the mines. We stopped at the overpasses to admire the beauty of the area. We drove the Million Dollar Highway. We ate lunch and shopped in Silverton and Telluride.

One day when we stopped for a pb&j lunch on one of the trails, Norm looked at me and said, “This is the last year I’ll come here.” That surprised me since he enjoyed it so much. He spoke about other places we wanted to visit. He always wanted to go to the south of France, back to Yellowstone, a trip to finish the National Parks in Alaska, another Viking cruise in Europe…all planned for 2025.

When we got back, he cancelled Alaska. Looking back, I think he knew something was seriously wrong.

We kept the grands the following week, he played with them, but not with the same energy as before. He went to bed when they did and slept late in the morning…I attributed his lack of energy to the trip. We had a great week with Sierra and Sawyer, Dolly Parton’s Stampede, the park, playing with water guns…but after that, other than a few face time calls, they never saw him again.

So why am I going back to the last place that I saw him truly happy? I think because it is where I last saw him happy.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the time I had with Norm. I’m glad that I went with him to Colorado for those trips into the mountains.

I pray that I continue to seek the Lord and His will for my life.

I rejoice that God promises to never let me go.

Where’s the joy? The Lord gives it, sometimes when I least expect it.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! Psalm 8:1-9

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk.

Posted on June 7, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 6

I’ve had my grandchildren for the last week. They are bright, creative and very busy. I am exhausted. But it was such a joy to have them around, the laughter, the stories, the daily challenges as they pushed for what they wanted. Sierra has started to whistle, and every time it reminded me of my mom who loved to whistle. It was a sweet connection for me.

Sawyer talked to me about Poppop’s asses…I finally figured out he meant Poppop’s ashes. He remembered going to Water Rock Knob last year and spreading the ashes. He commented on how cold it had been, and that is true, it was cold and drizzling. I was surprised he remembered it at all.

We are coming up on the anniversary of that event. It seems like so long ago, and yet there are times I expect Norm to be sitting at his computer when I get up.

When I’m tired, I have a negative mindset that tends to take over. Norm could always use his humor to bring me out of it…but I no longer have him in my life. But God has shown me favor and has provided insight as to a way out of the mood, should I choose to take it.

There’s an old narrative/proverb about a Native American grandfather giving wisdom to his grandson. the narrative is about two wolves inside us, in his case I think the wolves represented anger and peace. One wolf is evil and the other is good. The grandson asked which one would win, the answer, the one you feed.

Usually I am positive. I have a good self image, I’m nice, I’m liked, I have friends. But the dark side takes me back to the old song, “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worm”.

When that mindset settles, I feed it with past slights and offenses…real and imaginary. I become passive aggressive, having unspoken expectations that don’t get met because I don’t say anything. I isolate, and when I’m in a group, I stay silent. It’s a vicious cycle that affects all my relationships in an unhealthy way. I see it happening, but I felt powerless to change it.

But this time, when it hit, that proverb came to mind. I realized, I don’t have to feed it. I have hope that I can beat this. God has given me grace since I don’t have Norm to joke me out of it. Since I’m tired, it has reared its ugly head several times today, and I have successfully countered it.

I am under no illusion that this will not come up again…but today, I did it. I didn’t succumb.

Another visual came to mind. A pastor friend of mine preached a sermon about holding grudges. I can see him at the front of the congregation holding a grudge in his hands like a pet. He petted it, he spoke to it…and that visual has stuck with me over the years.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the time I had with my grandchildren. I am exhausted but it was a good time.

I pray for myself to be able to continue connecting to family and friends especially when I get in this mindset.

I rejoice that God has given me grace and hope to not settle into a negative mindset when I’m tired.

Where’s the joy? Staying connected.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Memories

Posted on May 2, 2026 by tricialathrop

May 1

Tears came easily this week. And I’m okay with that.

I’m going on a solo vacation, taking a transatlantic cruise. Seven days with no ports will give me time to pray and ponder my future without any obligations, that’s not totally true, I’ll be working on a class that I’ll be teaching over the summer on the tabernacle. But I plan to take some time to consider what God has for me now.

In June, I’m planning to go to Colorado and go visit the Great American Basin, drive the Million Dollar Highway, and visit Norm’s aunt and cousin.

Norm loved to go to the San Juan Mountains, rent an OHV (off highway vehicle) and travel on the unpaved and windy roads through the mountains. He’d always offer to let me drive, just because one day we got caught in a rain storm that made the unpaved roads very muddy…and I loved it. But that was a different kind of road, there was little chance of me going over the side of the road and falling hundreds of feet.

Besides, he loved the drive, the challenge of the turns, of meeting cars coming the opposite way, of navigating the passes with all the switch backs. He drove the dirt roads, I drove the paved roads.

I remember one pass to Silverton. We started the drive and got to the first switchback, cars were coming the opposite direction…downhill…and we watched several come down. They slid sideways a lot. Finally Norm figured out what was happening. The snow melted and a small layer of water slid under the rocks on the road, causing them to shift. The weight of the cars caused a bigger shift, they slid close to the edge. Norm decided to bypass that ride, he would have had to gun the engine to move uphill and that would have caused a bigger shift in the rocks…the road was narrow and the chance of sliding off the road was high.

We saw beautiful panoramas, the mountains, the valleys, the wild flowers…that was hit or miss depending on the year, the snow, gold and silver mines, ghost towns…every year we had a great adventure.

We talked every year about riding the Silverton train, he’d been on it, I’d been on it, we had never ridden it together. It never worked out. We visited Silverton, ate lunch there and shopped.

Our last visit, we had lunch and then it started to rain, which turned to hail, so much hail that it piled up like snow drifts, children made ice balls, there was so much of pea sized hail. It came time to head back, concerned about the possibility of more snow or ice on the pass we needed to take, we hopped into the OHV and found piles of hail and soaked seats. We headed back, and the sun came out.

Sometimes we’d visit Telluride, take the gondola down into town. We started going there the year I listened to Clive Cussler’s novels about Isaac Bell, a detective from the 1890s. One particular book took place in Telluride. We enjoyed seeing the old places that were mentioned in the book, like the hotel, still there. One year we stayed in Telluride and walked all over town.

2024 was our last great adventure. As we drove over the hills and down into the valleys, enjoying the views and the experience, Norm said that he thought this would be his last year going to Colorado, that we would plan something different for the next year. I guess I really didn’t believe it would be his last…

We went home, he walked the 11 mile trail that he monitored in the Smokeys, and came back extra tired. Sierra and Sawyer came to stay with us for a week. He had little energy and went to bed at 8 when they did. Another month, and he could hardly do anything and did not want to go even for rides through the mountains let alone walk a trail. He went from vibrant energy to invalid in a matter of weeks…

I love the memories, the hotel which had an old bed, one with the ropes instead of springs and a kitchen from the 1940s, the ice cream shop by the park which often had a craft fair going on, the cabin by the river, Katy’s place for breakfast, the ride over Imogene pass…our first OHV ride…

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the times that Norm and I had together and for the thrill that going to the San Juan Mountains gave him.

I pray for the presence of mind to be thankful for the times I have with family and friends, and not to take any of it for granted.

I rejoice that God gave me such a wonderful man with whom to spend 45 years.

Where’s the joy? It’s mixed with sorrow in the memories.

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