Posts Tagged With: christianity

Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on October 12, 2026 by tricialathrop

October 11

Being a widow is a wild ride. Sometimes my life seems stable and I’m moving on, and then a week like this one hits, and I’m sobbing myself to sleep every night. Regrets cloud my mind, I keep thinking of what I could have done…should have done…but those opportunities no longer exist.

At these times, I know I need to extend grace to myself so that the regrets don’t take over and leave me frozen, unable to do those things that are necessary. I’m finding myself in the tension of wanting to isolate and the need to be with people so that I don’t just vegetate in front of the TV and cry.

Today, my nephew joined me for lunch and we talked about cars. I shared about Norm and his mustang, which I scraped once trying to get it out of the garage. We talked about how it was actually Norm’s turn for a new vehicle. He wanted a newer Ford Ranger with a full cab. Then he thought about the back roads and mountain trails, on which he would not want to take a brand new truck, so then he decided his current Ranger worked just fine. He considered a Maverick for a while, but again, it wouldn’t be good for his traveling plans.

While we spoke, a thought hit me. I got my Crosstrek just before we really started the investigation into his illness. I think he knew then that something was seriously wrong. One of his last actions for me was to negotiate the price of the car. He did his best to provide for my life after his passing.

Today at church we sang a song about God’s love, apparent even in the middle of trials. During Norm’s treatment, he once said that through the pain and dealing with the uncertain future, one thing the Lord gave him was assurance of God’s love. That in the midst of it all, he was more sure of the love of God than he had ever been. He knew beyond a doubt that whatever happened, God loved him.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the love that Norm and I had for each other. We had a good life together, and raised three great kids.

I pray for wisdom as I walk this road without him. It’s not easy, but God remains faithful.

I rejoice in the love that God has for each one of us. He cares far more than we realize.

Where’s the joy? It comes in trusting the Lord God who wants the best for us.

#DavidCrowderBand #HowHeLoves #Vevo 

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on September 21, 2026 by tricialathrop

September 20

In Girl Scouts, we used to sing: “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.”

In the last few months, some friends from before Norm have reached out to me. The latest is a mentor from my single days. When I moved to Florida, she accepted me, encouraged me, and challenged me. One day when I faced a major decision, she handed me a slip of paper with just one sentence on it, “Consider your calling.” That paper is still among my important cards and notes I’ve collected over the years.

Now, as I’m facing a future of decisions, again on my own, those words continue to challenge me to consider what I have been called to do and why I am still on earth. Thank you for your faithfulness Dorothy.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be connecting with friends from my past. I’ll get together with friends from elementary and high school, those with whom I ate lunch, had slumber parties, went to ball games, until graduation. Then we went our separate ways, until about 10 years ago, Ann decided to get us all together. What a blessing!

I’ll also see friends with whom I shared those first challenges of motherhood. I still remember Pat and I watching our oldest playing together at about a year old, and saying how far away kindergarten seemed to be, not realizing how fast that time would pass.

I’m also planning to see those friends when I began to develop as a Bible study leader. They were sometimes my guinea pigs for the studies I wrote. We worshipped, prayed and cried together. We faced a number of challenges in those years. They gave wise counsel as my kids hit the teen-age years. I try to do a one on one with a couple of the ladies when I head to NY. I’ll go to the ladies bible study and see more of them, but it’s hard to do a real conversation with a big group.

It’s odd that the connections I have from college are mostly friends I met after college. I say that, because Norm had no friends from his high school, but a good group from college. Again, Deb decided to arrange for them to get together after Covid. The Matterhorn group came to encourage and visit Norm in his struggle. They’ve made sure to make me feel welcome in the group even after Norm’s death.

All through my life, there have been friends who have made me feel seen. Some for a brief time, and others continue through today. I’ve made some new friends since the passing of Norm. I’ve reconnected with others. Facebook can be useful for the reconnection, but it’s only a start.

As Dorothy’s note had said, “Consider your calling.” The calling has expanded from teaching, to writing, and part of that writing is the challenge of writing notes of encouragement to the people who have played a big part in my life. I did send out a Christmas letter last year, wanting to let people know about Norm, but like Facebook, it’s only a start. Some people don’t like Christmas letters, but I do love reading all the things going on in the lives of people I’ve known.

I feel a need to connect, actually I’m feeling a call to be one who encourages and challenges others…those from my past, those in my life now, and those who will be placed in my sphere of influence in the future. It’s not a new call, it arises periodically in my life…I act on it for awhile and then I get distracted from it…sometimes overwhelmed with it…

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I am still able to travel and connect with friends from my past. It is fun to remember and laugh together.

I pray for wisdom as I continue to walk the path God has laid out before me.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation, who values that we have good relationships with the people around us.

Where’s the joy? I find it in my friends and in my family.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:7-12

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Where’s the Joy? Solo, but not Alone

Posted on June 23, 2026 by tricialathrop

June 22

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. The date doesn’t go away just because he’s no longer here with me. My daughter and sister came and went out to lunch with me. They helped to make it a pleasant day, and not a day filled with tears.

Last week I drove to Colorado. A friend had planned to join me, but a family situation caused her to stay behind. I think God planned it that way.

On the way out, I stopped to see friends we had known in Cincinnati. On the way back, I had lunch with a friend from college. Both were great visits…catching up, sharing what’s happening in our lives. I stayed a couple of days with Norm’s aunt and his one cousin…I don’t even know how many cousins I have…She says that she is the only cousin on both sides of the family.

They were great times of connection, my word for this year. I plan to be intentional about making connections, and renewing connections I’ve had in the past.

I went solo for most of the trip. I drove around the San Juan mountains, took the Million Dollar Highway, the Silver Thread Highway and a number of scenic roads. As I tried to find the Great American Basin, I found myself on roads better suited for ATV’s.

It didn’t take too long on the unpaved road for me to find a place to turn around, usually a series of y-turns at a passing spot on a very narrow road. When Norm and I went on these roads in the OHV (off highway vehicle), we saw a lot of Subaru Crosstreks. I knew my car could make it…not so sure of the ability of the driver on the rocks and tight turns. Being solo, I didn’t want to risk it.

I thought about taking the train from Durango to Silverton, a beautiful ride I did with a friend before Norm and I started dating. Going solo on the train didn’t bother me, it was the two hours in Silverton for lunch and shopping. Norm and I lunched and shopped in Silverton whenever we were in the area…I didn’t want to do it solo.

For several mornings, I arose, got some breakfast and got in the car for a drive through the mountains. I’d put on Sandy Patti, 2nd Chapter of Acts, Avalon, or Point of Grace and just drive. Beautiful scenery and the voices of praise to the Lord lifted my spirit…and brought out that I was upset with God.

God could have healed Norm completely, but chose to take him. It’s difficult to trust when the outcome is not what one wants. But I’m trying to practice what I have told others, when one is angry with God, might as well tell Him…He knows it already. When one admits the anger, then God will work to bring it back to trust, that He loves us and wants the best for us.

The anger at God was followed by being upset with myself. There were things I could have done differently, and there are words I regret not saying. I could spend days in regret, but I cannot change the past and I don’t think there was anything I could have done to keep Norm alive longer. What I can do, is be more intentional about the relationships with family and friends that are still here.

And then, I was upset with Norm…like he could have kept himself from getting cancer.

I’ve processed through these emotions before, and I’m under no illusion that this will be the last time. But in all this, I can still say, God is with me and God is faithful. He brings me back to hope every time.

Some of the roads I took, I had driven with Norm. Others were new to me. I realized that this is my life moving forward. Some adventures will be ones that Norm and I took in the past, filled with memories, good and bad. There will also be new adventures that I will experience on my own…good and bad. Whether solo, with friends, or with family, it will all be okay.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my trip to Colorado. The time with family and friends, as well as the time solo encouraged my heart. I am blessed to have been able to do it.

I pray for the connections that will come my way as I walk solo, that I will be an encouragement, that I will challenge others to be more than they think they can be, and that I will be faithful to pray for their walk in this life.

I rejoice that we have hope, and that hope will not disappoint.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.
For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.
More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:1-11

https://youtu.be/KZ3H3lg9NZM?si=coCtXCondni0IQPv

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk… Moving Forward

Posted on March 12, 2026 by tricialathrop

March 11

It’s been a full year since Norm passed away. Wise advice says to wait at least a year before making any major life changing choices like moving, changing jobs…things like that.

Thank you to all of you who have been praying and providing encouragement and support over this last year. I know that it helped me to persevere and not give in to depression or despair. It’s been the toughest thing I have ever experienced, but God has been faithful.

I took a cruise so that I wouldn’t be home for the anniversary of Norm’s passing. On that day, I took an excursion to Cathedral Caves on Eleuthera in the Bahamas. It’s a place where Norm would have wanted to spend a good deal of time, taking photos, playing with the lights and shadows, creating a photo to draw one’s eyes to the Creator of all things.

That night, my daughter Jennifer, and two of my sisters and I played a game on the ship called Majority Minds. It doesn’t matter if your answer is right or wrong, it just matters how well you match the other players. I’m actually pretty good at the game, we got all the answers. They told us to come up and get our reward…Disney cruise gives plastic medals…we got Goofy, Norm’s favorite character. We all had a “whoa” moment.

The next day, I stood on the deck watching the sun peek through the clouds, the rays spreading across the water. I realized that I don’t have to focus on the sorrow or the pain. Norm is free from all pain and sorrow, he is in the best of all places. I miss him, but I wouldn’t want him to come back to the pain. I can focus on the joyful memories. Not that I won’t still cry, today was a weepy day…but the memories are good.

I’m not making any major changes right now, but I am moving forward. I’m not sure what the future looks like without Norm, but God does. I can trust Him to lead me.

I am thankful for the memories of Norm and our time together.

I pray for wisdom as I continue my life on this earth, that I will be an encouragement to others.

I rejoice that God sent Jesus Christ to this earth to reveal the depth of His love for us.

Moving forward: What have I put off that needs to be done? What needs to be set aside? How can I minister to the people in my sphere of influence? Where do I need to focus?

He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

Ecclesiastes 11:4-6

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on April 4, 2025 by tricialathrop

April 3

We are coming up on a month since Norm passed. The celebration of life is completed. Aimee left two precious joys with me for a few days. They are keeping me busy.

Last night, Sawyer awoke, crying for his mommy. At first I tried to soothe him, but then I just joined him in the tears. How will I do this?

I have a number of widow friends, encouraging me…by just telling me they are praying. They’ve walked this path, some of them a couple of times. The only path is through the grief, embracing the love that grief reveals, and loving those who are still walking this earthly road.

At one point during Norm’s cancer and treatment, he said, “Everything has been taken away from me…except love. I still have God’s love, the love of my wife and children, the love of family and friends. The love they have for me does not depend on what I can do for them. Right now, I can do nothing except be a burden and they still love me.”

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.
By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.
Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.

We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
We love, because He first loved us.

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.
And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.

1 John 4:7–21

Where is the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends who continue to encourage me in this walk.

I pray for the strength and wisdom to show love to others, not only by my words but by my actions.

I rejoice that God loved us and sent Jesus Christ to enable us to enter into God’s presence without fear.

Where is the joy? It is in the love of family and friends who are there in the good times and the bad.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 21, 2025 by tricialathrop

I’m a widow. In just one day I changed my demographic, no longer married…a widow.

It’s not like I’m going to run around and tell people, “I’m a widow now”. I will comment about my husband, sharing stories of our life together. But for the rest of my life on those forms we fill out ad nauseam, I will have to mark “widow”.

For some reason this realization is hitting me hard. It’s weird. It identifies me as someone who was once married, but is no longer because of death. And I’m not sure how to deal with it.

The term, widow, draws up images of “Gone With the Wind” and the Scarlett dancing in her widow’s garb. In the English movies, the widow is either a scheming bitter woman who speaks poorly about everyone, or a senseless dowager who needs constant watching.

There are some widows in the Bible. Naomi, who called herself Mara, because of bitterness, but had the grace to find provision for her widowed daughter-in-law Ruth.

The widow of Naan, for whom Jesus raised her son to life. In those days children took care of their widowed mothers and if she didn’t have that protection, she could be reduced to begging. Jesus gave her not only her son, but her provision.

Anna dwelled in the temple for 70 years as a widow, and gave witness to Jesus Christ as the Messiah alongside Simeon.

Jesus praised the widow, who in her need, gave all she had to the Lord.

The only non-widow in the women mentioned in Jesus’ genealogy was Mary, his mother. But by the time Jesus began his ministry, she was a widow.

The prophets criticized the leaders of Israel for not taking care of the widows or orphans and not hearing their causes. Jesus commented that the leadership of his day “devoured” widows houses (Mark 12:40). James tells us that caring for widows and orphans in their affliction is a part of pure and undefiled religion.

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. James 1:27

In America today, most widows are not as reliant on their children as in the past. Most have Social Security or a pension, either from their own job or their husband’s. Of course, this does not apply to all widows, some do need to rely on their children or the state for their provision and care.

Now that I am a widow, I see that I didn’t see the needs of the widows, not that I ignored them or didn’t help…I just wasn’t aware of some needs.

1 Timothy 5 gives some guidelines for caring for widows. The first responsibility falls to the family, children and grandchildren. Then it falls to the church. Younger widows were encouraged to remarry.

There are cautions mentioned: don’t be idle, don’t go from house to house just being idle, don’t become gossips or busybodies talking about things not worth mentioning. (1 Timothy 5:13)

As a widow, I am to fix my hope on God and continue in entreaties and prayers. I am to be devoted good works, showing hospitality to strangers, assisting those in distress, serving the Lord in the church, teaching the young women…all the things I should have been doing all along…

Paul also has guidelines for the widows and the single women. As an unmarried woman now, I can focus more on the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.

The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:24

I am a widow, and in that role I have some responsibilities before the Lord. It should be interesting to see where this path takes me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the people who have rallied around me during this time of grieving and readjustment.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk in the path that the Lord has set before me.

I rejoice that God cares for those who are needy and somewhat helpless, so much so that he calls his people to care for the broken and hurting.

Where’s the joy? The Lord continues to have a purpose for my life and will reveal his plan as I seek His face.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on March 3, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 1

Today–emotional overload. I’ve reached my limit.

They did the preliminaries to take Norm off the ventilator, which means they reduce the sedation, giving him an opportunity to breathe on his own and making him aware of his surroundings.

He writhed against the restraints. His eyes bulged in fear as he looked at me, begging for me to help, no words, but in feeble sounds. That episode is seared onto my brain.

I stood helplessly as his O2 level dropped to far and it seemed he would go into cardiac arrest. They sedated him again to try later.

I can’t do this again. I cried because of his pain and fear. I cried because I am not strong enough to stay with him through this trial.

They kept him quiet the rest of the day and will try again tomorrow.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that the nurses and doctors know how far to push before calling it quits, allowing his body to rest for another try.

I pray for strength to be with Norm, in prayer if not physically present.

I rejoice that there is still hope.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul; He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 28, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 27

When I left Norm at the hospital last night he was joking with the nurses and doctors. He still had some trouble breathing, but seemed to be on the mend.

A phone call this am had Rob and I trying to get to the hospital quickly. Tons of equipment sat outside his room. I entered the room, my eyes on Norm, restrained and struggling with the tube down his throat.

He opened his eyes, will and frightened. I tried to reassure him. Tears ran down his cheeks. I told him I loved him, and I would be with him. They gave him more sedative and he slept.

ICU again…this one is more pleasant for the family. More room, a comfortable couch where I will sleep.

I will say this about the staff at University of Tennessee Medical Center, they have been awesome. This is our fifth crew of this hospital visit and they have all given Norm excellent tender care.

I’ve been telling the nurses about his hiking and photography adventures, since he cannot share. It’s hard to watch him be like this.

Still no answers. More tests to come. He’s resting comfortably, probably the best sleep he’s had in six months.

Where’s the joy? Actually, lots of tears today.

I am thankful for the considerate, tender care of the staff at UT.

I pray that the Lord intervenes and heals Norm completely, another eleventh hour miracle would be great.

I rejoice that the Lord God of the universe has a plan for Norm. I will trust Him.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.

Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I lift up my hands. Psalm 63:1-4

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 19, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 15

What a roller coaster!

I came this morning, all set to take Norm home. They can’t find the problem, he’s upset being in the hospital, he just wanted to go home.

Hospitalist said the bronchial biopsy revealed a fungus-unknown whether mold or yeast. Cultures would tell.

Norm’s BP dropped overnight. The doctors thought he might be in septic shock. If his BP didn’t go up, a trip to ICU for several days.

Norm is understandably frustrated. His anguish is apparent in his tears and wails. I promised him I would take him home Monday if they had not found anything. I said in the afternoon, he said 9 am.

Psych came to talk to him. They picked the right doctor, one who also had an engineering degree, fit very well with Norm’s mind. He summed up Norm’s issues. It helped Norm to speak of some of his fears. One big one, he doesn’t want me to have to deal with him as an invalid, like his grandmother who abused him.

Someone came from physical therapy and gave him a list of exercises to do. He’s in a better frame of mind. He feels that the staff is listening to him.

His brother and sister are coming in this week, they will also help with the attitude. It will be good for them to see him and show him support and love.

Right now I’m taking a breather from the emotional roller coaster ride, just some gentle hills before the climb and drop. No immediate threat of death, and his self-diagnosis of being an invalid debunked by physical therapy. He’s still strong, just no endurance.

I have renewed hope.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that two specialists were able to encourage Norm today.

I pray for wisdom for the doctors as they make decisions about Norm’s treatment moving forward.

I rejoice in these moments of reprieve when I can get a little rest.

Where’s the joy? Family and friends who support and encourage me.

Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 11

It has been a roller coaster kind of week. We waver between Norm behaving as if he will die in a few days, to great reports about what is happening with him.

He continues to have a fever with unknown origin…I guess not uncommon with chemo patients. They’ve ruled out a lot of things. Norm is not presenting symptoms to identify with any one thing. No headaches, no nausea, he just has overall body aches and weakness, along with the fever. But each day, the fever stays lower longer and doesn’t spike as high.

They’ve done multiple tests and scans. What we know, the cancer has not returned. The scans show that the chemo is wiping out the cancer. There is no longer any sign of it in the brain. We Thank God for that.

Norm is tired of fighting. He says that he is broken mentally, physically, and spiritually. This morning, before we got news from the doctors, he wanted to go home and die. He mourns the death of the man he was.

He always wants to know, so he can act. It’s been almost a week in the hospital, and still no answers. Well, a lot of answers as to what it is not, just not what it is.

He wants to come home, but he needs to be where he can get treated to get stronger. He is getting stronger. But he is frustrated.

As I said at the beginning of this post, we are on a roller coaster. He’s up, he’s down…we’re thrown for another loop…and never coming to rest.

Where’s the joy? Another tough day of uncertainty sprinkled with hope.

I am thankful for my family. My kids spent the day with Norm so I could have some regrouping time.

I pray for Norm, that he will regain physical stamina, spiritual wisdom, and emotional stability.

I rejoice that God continues to hold Norm in his hand, regardless of the difficulty and lack of knowledge.

Where’s the joy? God remains faithful, even when I do not.

Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:19-26

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