Where’s the Joy? Solo, But not Alone

September 12

This week has been tough with lots of tears.

I started the week returning from Virginia. I decided to take the Skyline Drive. Norm and I camped there pre-kids and have taken it several times in our travels.

One of my favorite…memorable… memories was our hike on Bear Fence Mountain. I passed it on my way through, decided not to revisit it.

40+ years ago, Norm and I took off from the trailhead parking. We considered that the name meant we might run into bears, in our ignorance trying to be quiet as we hiked…for black bears, more noise is better. The panoramic view at the top was amazing, summer green trees and a view that went on for miles. We had a small picnic and decided to head back.

Norm said, “Let’s not go the way we came. I think there is a loop trail back to the trailhead.” And he shimmied down the backside of the rock we sat on. I followed and found myself on a ledge, backed up to the mountain side, facing a massive drop.

Now, in my memory, that ledge was only as wide as my feet and the drop I faced would have me falling and being pierced by pine trees…way below where I stood. I froze, wondering how Norm would explain the falling death of his wife.

Norm did eventually turn around and call to me, wondering why I had stopped there to admire the awesome view.

Obviously I made it off the mountain. One step at a time, I inched my way off the ledge and followed Norm.

I’ve really missed holding Norm’s hands this week. It’s funny how the small things hit hard.

God knew what I needed. Today, two small hands reached out for mine.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the days Norm and I walked hand in hand, the special days, the normal days, and scary days, and the last days in the hospital.

I pray for God’s guidance as I continue to travel this road without Norm.

I rejoice that God knows exactly what I need.

Where’s the joy? The memories with Norm and the future memories that will be made with my kids and grands.

1 I don’t know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine,
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Refrain:
Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

2 Every step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden’s getting lighter;
Every cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky. [Refrain]

3 I don’t know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I’m covered with His blood. [Refrain]

by Ira Stanhill

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