September 6
I’m adjusting. I’m trying to get into a rhythm of life that feels normal. Some rhythm is back, weekly Bible study, exercise, meeting with friends.
I’m also challenging myself. I’m continuing classes in Hebrew…I can read it and sometimes even understand it. I tried out for a local choir, a long shot because I haven’t really sung since before Norm’s illness. I didn’t make it, but that’s okay. They were very encouraging. On the way to the try-out, I put it in the Lord’s hands. If this would be too much for me to add, don’t let me make it past this try-out.
I pulled out my guitar, from since before Norm’s illness…and led some ladies in worship. I’m a bit rusty, but that’s okay.
This week I visited Norm’s brother to attend his daughter’s baby shower. Watching and listening to Brian overwhelmed me. He used to be called “Little Norm”…there’s a reason for that. The tone inflections, the facial expressions, the intensity, the arm movements as he tells stories…just like Norm.
Brian came when we spread Norm’s ashes. Sawyer, my grandson, came to me and whispered, “Poppop is here. He’s upstairs in the rocking chair.” He knew something was different, and that Poppop should not be there. Like me, he wanted it to be true, that the loss is just a bad dream.
Unexpected grief just appears and overwhelms without warning. There is still that part of me that doesn’t like to cry in front of others. But there are times they just pour out and can’t be stopped. Today is one of those days.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the years I had with Norm. Seeing Norm reflected in Brian brings happy memories, just sorrow that Norm is no longer telling the stories to me.
I pray for courage as I continue on this path and wisdom for decisions yet to be made.
I rejoice in the faithfulness to God, that He gives joy in sorrow, hope in despair, and light in the darkness.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23
TRICIA LATHROP 