Posts Tagged With: moving forward

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk. Moving Forward.

March 19

I took off my wedding ring today. Over the past year I’ve pondered when it would be the correct time to remove it. And today, I did. No fanfare, no drama, some tears, but today was the day.

I dreamed about Norm the other night. In it, he had come back to life. It started really good, but then I realized I’ve made adjustments in his absence. I had some angst, a struggle to readjust to his presence…and some guilt over having made those adjustments.

This is the hardest life struggle I have ever experienced. I have friends who have walked this road before me, and they have been a great source of help and encouragement. While all our stories are a story of loss, each is different in how it manifests in our life and the timing.

Still not sure what the future holds, but I know that God remains faithful. I see His hand at work in my life.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise. Isaiah 43:19-21

I am thankful for all the people in my life who have walked this path with me, encouraging me, challenging me, and just being there for me.

I pray for wisdom as I move forward, or as a friend suggested, as I move into what God has planned for me.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of the Lord God and His continuing love for me.

Where’s the joy? It’s embracing all that the Lord brings into my life, the good along with those things that don’t seem good at the time. I remember, God is faithful.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk… Moving Forward

March 11

It’s been a full year since Norm passed away. Wise advice says to wait at least a year before making any major life changing choices like moving, changing jobs…things like that.

Thank you to all of you who have been praying and providing encouragement and support over this last year. I know that it helped me to persevere and not give in to depression or despair. It’s been the toughest thing I have ever experienced, but God has been faithful.

I took a cruise so that I wouldn’t be home for the anniversary of Norm’s passing. On that day, I took an excursion to Cathedral Caves on Eleuthera in the Bahamas. It’s a place where Norm would have wanted to spend a good deal of time, taking photos, playing with the lights and shadows, creating a photo to draw one’s eyes to the Creator of all things.

That night, my daughter Jennifer, and two of my sisters and I played a game on the ship called Majority Minds. It doesn’t matter if your answer is right or wrong, it just matters how well you match the other players. I’m actually pretty good at the game, we got all the answers. They told us to come up and get our reward…Disney cruise gives plastic medals…we got Goofy, Norm’s favorite character. We all had a “whoa” moment.

The next day, I stood on the deck watching the sun peek through the clouds, the rays spreading across the water. I realized that I don’t have to focus on the sorrow or the pain. Norm is free from all pain and sorrow, he is in the best of all places. I miss him, but I wouldn’t want him to come back to the pain. I can focus on the joyful memories. Not that I won’t still cry, today was a weepy day…but the memories are good.

I’m not making any major changes right now, but I am moving forward. I’m not sure what the future looks like without Norm, but God does. I can trust Him to lead me.

I am thankful for the memories of Norm and our time together.

I pray for wisdom as I continue my life on this earth, that I will be an encouragement to others.

I rejoice that God sent Jesus Christ to this earth to reveal the depth of His love for us.

Moving forward: What have I put off that needs to be done? What needs to be set aside? How can I minister to the people in my sphere of influence? Where do I need to focus?

He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

Ecclesiastes 11:4-6

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

January 28

In the last year I’ve done a lot to distract myself from focusing on the loss of Norm. Not that I haven’t felt the loss everyday, but activities and trips have helped me to not just sit home and mourn.

I noticed an increase in time spent on electronic games…not the best use of time. And when I considered not playing them anymore, I had a sense of panic…weird, but indicative of addiction to whatever endorphins they induce. I’ve tried to cut back in the past, but eventually increase my playing time.

As I prayed about the hold it has over me, I decided to set the games aside as a perpetual fast to the Lord. I’ve given them up before, but I’ve always gone back. Will this time be different? I hope so. I don’t do it to gain the favor of the Lord, but by setting them aside, I will have more time for the connections that really matter, including time in prayer.

I haven’t played any electronic games since Sunday, tempted but haven’t succumbed. However, I have increased my Facebook scrolling, you know that click bait that keeps popping up and sucks me in to a story like the old soap operas or tales of revenge or deserved karma. If I stop over a story for longer than a few seconds, more show up like that one. The algorithms at work, not enlightening or of benefit at all to my life.

This is a personal decision, for my life. Some people can play the games and scroll Facebook without consequence. They had an adverse affect on my life and mindset, I needed to change.

Why this? Why now?

Last year when Norm thought he was going to survive the cancer, he began to speak about what he was going to do with the extra time that God had given him. I don’t know what time I have left, but the games and scrolling take away from that time. It limits my interactions with the Lord and with others in my sphere of influence. I don’t want to waste the days the Lord has given to me. I don’t want to stand before the Lord and see hours and hours playing games, alone.

I want to be an encouragement to the people around me. I want to honor the Lord in my words and actions.

Where’s the joy? It’s not in the games or on Facebook.

I am thankful for God who provides everything I need, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I pray for the wherewithal to keep away from those games and sites that eat my time and keep me from spending time on what really matters.

I rejoice in the Lord God who loves me regardless of my success or failures, and does not depend on my words and actions.

Where’s the joy? I’m hoping to see an increase as I interact with the people around me more fully.


Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

November 13

Walking this path has its challenges. Some days are easier than others, I get up and out, meet with friends, accomplish things. And then other days, I get up and spend it alone, sometimes getting things done, sometimes I finish the day having nothing to show for it.

I thought I had come out of the fog, but it’s still around me. I struggle to focus on anything. I do what must be done…and some things become less essential as the day progresses.

I miss Norm. There’s a hole in my life. He was my biggest cheerleader and encourager in the ventures I took on. I didn’t realize how much I relied on his ever present support. I miss his wise suggestions. I miss having someone who listened to my ideas and asked the right questions. I miss making plans for our next adventure. I miss watching him play with Sierra and Sawyer.

Even though it’s still hard to reach out in the pain, I know that God has provided friends and family to come alongside and encourage and support me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the almost 45 years I had with Norm, the memories are good.

I pray for guidance in this walk, that I will be able to reach out not only for help, but also to be an encouragement to others.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation who loves me no matter what and will be with me every step of the way.

Where’s the joy? Tough thought today, yesterday in our Bible study we discussed the need to respond, not react. We can’t change our situation, but we can change our attitude.

This is the Psalm I read this morning, it helped to adjust my attitude.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord performs righteous deed and judgements for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the sons of Israel.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sin, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, and its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep His covenant and remember His precepts to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.

Bless the Lord, you His angels, mighty in strength, who perform His word, obeying the voice of His word!

Bless the Lord, all you His hosts, you who serve Him, doing His will.

Bless the Lord, all you works of His, in all places of His dominion;

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Psalm 103

I can choose every day to praise the Lord regardless of how I feel or what comes my way.

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