Posts Tagged With: widow

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on December 3, 2025 by tricialathrop

December 2

Last year at this time, I began this post to deal with Norm’s cancer, hoping to focus on the positive and the joy of the season during a time of trial. It has been and continues to be therapeutic for me. I can share things here that I don’t share in person.

Today, I pondered why I am more open on this site than in person. I discovered it is because I can cry freely while I write. Then I wondered why I don’t cry with people…oh tears come and they fall, but I don’t allow myself to sob and weep.

I realized that I don’t cry because as a child, I cried a lot. Siblings and acquaintances called me “Cry Baby”. I learned to control the tears. They might well up in my eyes, but I would not let them fall. Norm’s death opened those gates, I still don’t allow the sobbing, but the tears will sometimes fall unbidden in the presence of others.

What am I going to do with this insight into my responses? Don’t know.

Tomorrow is my birthday, my first without Norm. He was always really good about doing something special with me. Whether a show or visiting a special site, he was good at coming up with something I’d enjoy. But, he’s not here.

I will be busy tomorrow, a brunch with my Bible study ladies, taking a friend to her doctor, and to end the day, a steak dinner with my sister and nieces and nephews which will be fun. When I’m not out doing, I’ll be putting out my Christmas decorations.

My birthday is usually the day I begin to think about goals for the next year and finding a Bible verse to focus on. One year the verse was to give thanks in everything…I felt like I fell short. Then the next year, it was “Rejoice always”… it was a tough year. My son Robert had a heart ablation, and later was diagnosed with Addison’s disease, Norm and I had some issues which needed work, and my best friend and I had a falling out…rejoicing didn’t happen much that year, but focusing on the call to rejoice allowed me to focus on giving thanks.

2025 began with a struggle to get Norm through chemo therapy and then healing, and after his death it became a matter of just living day to day without him in my life. I’ve seen the faithfulness of God throughout Norm’s cancer fight and my widowhood. Not anything we would have chosen, but God never promised a freedom from suffering, He promises to walk through it with us, bringing the encouragement we need to live each day. And with His presence, in the midst of all of this, God has given me moments of joy that cannot be explained.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

Psalm 121:1–8

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the reminder each Christmas of the coming of Jesus Christ, who came because God loved us and wants us to live in harmony with Him and with one another.

I pray for wisdom and courage to speak and act in order to bless the people around me.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation who always gives me hope.

Where’s the joy? It is found only in God who is my helper, my protector, and the keeper of my soul.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on November 27, 2025 by tricialathrop

Thanksgiving

Last year, we spent Thanksgiving at home, and some family came over, bringing us some turkey and Thanksgiving fixings. Who knew it would be the last Norm and I had together?

I have plans today. I’ll go to the home of my niece, Kimberly. My brother with his wife and my sister will also attend, my nieces and their kids, and my daughter, Jenn is coming in. We’ll have a good time. I’m taking cookies for the kids to decorate…and likely make a big mess. It will be fun.

People ask how I am, and it varies from day to day…it varies throughout the day. I can be doing well and see or hear something that brings tears to my eyes. Last week I went to WDW with my sisters, and the simple fact that they spoke to their husbands every morning brought me to tears. I miss being able to share my life with Norm.

But today is a day to focus on the blessings.

Norm is in a better place, at total peace in the presence of the Lord.

Insurance has been great about paying for his hospital bills.

Norm left me with enough financial security that I don’t have to sell the house and move in with my kids. They are thankful for that too, they don’t have to worry about that.

Getting together with my kids and grandkids is always a joy. We laugh a lot, and the memories are sweet.

I am thankful for my siblings and for Norm’s brother and sister. They are an encouragement.

Friends have continued to keep in touch. Many have let me know that they are praying for me especially now because it is the first Thanksgiving without Norm.

I’m in good health and able to continue to get out and experience life.

Most of all, I am thankful for the hope I have in Jesus Christ. Not only do I have the eternal hope of heaven, but He gives me joy to celebrate each day. God is good, His mercy endures for ever and ever.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
Give thanks to the God of gods,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
To Him who alone does great wonders,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting;
To Him who made the heavens with skill,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting;
To Him who spread out the earth above the waters,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting;
To Him who made the great lights,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting:
The sun to rule by day,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting,
The moon and stars to rule by night,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Psalm 136:1–9

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on November 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

November 16

The main thing I can say about being a widow, one never knows what each day will bring. Some days are filled with emotional stress, other days are pretty calm.

Today? A calm day…no emotional upheaval. Tomorrow? Who knows?

I’m taking each day as it comes. The future, while unknown to me, rests in the hands of God. I can trust Him to take care of me, to provide all that I need and to give me some things I want.

I know that I can fall so easily into self-pity, and the hope is that I will not stay in that mindset when it comes. A change of focus, a desire not to dwell in the dumps…and most of all, a God who is faithful.

I am thankful for these days of grace where I can focus on the positive and step away from the sorrow.

I pray for the wisdom and courage to choose life and joy each day.

I rejoice in God who loves me and will guide me along the way.

Where’s the joy? It comes regardless of my situation through Jesus Christ.

Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near.

let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteousness man his thoughts, and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.”

“For you will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”

Isaiah 55:6-12

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on November 14, 2025 by tricialathrop

November 13

Walking this path has its challenges. Some days are easier than others, I get up and out, meet with friends, accomplish things. And then other days, I get up and spend it alone, sometimes getting things done, sometimes I finish the day having nothing to show for it.

I thought I had come out of the fog, but it’s still around me. I struggle to focus on anything. I do what must be done…and some things become less essential as the day progresses.

I miss Norm. There’s a hole in my life. He was my biggest cheerleader and encourager in the ventures I took on. I didn’t realize how much I relied on his ever present support. I miss his wise suggestions. I miss having someone who listened to my ideas and asked the right questions. I miss making plans for our next adventure. I miss watching him play with Sierra and Sawyer.

Even though it’s still hard to reach out in the pain, I know that God has provided friends and family to come alongside and encourage and support me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the almost 45 years I had with Norm, the memories are good.

I pray for guidance in this walk, that I will be able to reach out not only for help, but also to be an encouragement to others.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation who loves me no matter what and will be with me every step of the way.

Where’s the joy? Tough thought today, yesterday in our Bible study we discussed the need to respond, not react. We can’t change our situation, but we can change our attitude.

This is the Psalm I read this morning, it helped to adjust my attitude.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord performs righteous deed and judgements for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the sons of Israel.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sin, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, and its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep His covenant and remember His precepts to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.

Bless the Lord, you His angels, mighty in strength, who perform His word, obeying the voice of His word!

Bless the Lord, all you His hosts, you who serve Him, doing His will.

Bless the Lord, all you works of His, in all places of His dominion;

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Psalm 103

I can choose every day to praise the Lord regardless of how I feel or what comes my way.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on October 31, 2025 by tricialathrop

October 31

This time last year, we were in the hospital waiting to hear what treatment plans they had for Norm…but that’s not what I’m going to talk about today.

Last Sunday my son got married to the love of his life. I’m thrilled with his choice, they accept one another and yet find a way to encourage each other to be the best they can be. So sweet.

The week leading up to the wedding I cried a lot, not because they were getting married, but because Norm would not be there. He approved of Mai from the moment he met her, seeing the good she did for Robert. He would have rejoiced with them, giving his blessing on their marriage.

I was concerned that I would just break into sobs at the wedding. Every time I listened to the dance I was to do with Rob, I wept big tears. I had a lot of people praying that I would keep it together. A few tears, yes, sobbing…that would draw attention away from the celebration.

Rehearsal and wedding day, the Lord allowed the joy of the celebration to overtake the sorrow of Norm not attending. He was acknowledged throughout the day…tears, not sobs. Rob and I danced, laughing because we really didn’t practice much. We enjoyed the time.

My daughters struggled with the father/daughter dance, Aimee remembering her wedding day dance with Norm, Jennifer in sorrow that she would never have the chance to dance with him at her wedding.

Norm would have enjoyed it all. He would have laughed and told stories of Rob as a child, as only he could tell them. He would have danced with Aimee and Jennifer. He would have danced with Sierra and Sawyer with joyful abandon.

I’m sure he watched from heaven, loving the joy of the day.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that Robert found Mai, the love of his life.

I pray for them, that they will enjoy one another through the days to come, the good and the bad.

I rejoice that God continues to pave the way for me to walk this walk, going ahead of me to smooth away rough spots, and walking with me in the times when the rough spots remain.

Where’s the joy? Our love for one another continues in our children and grandchildren and we are able to rejoice in the celebrations of life. We are blessed with the choices our children have made in their partners.

This was the Psalm I read this morning. I need to remember that God has this, that He will continue to help me through…just like He did for the wedding.

Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy.

let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.

For You have heard my vows, O God; You have given me the inheritance of those who fear Your name.

You will prolong the king’s life; His years will be as many generations.

He will abide before God forever; Appoint lovingkindness and truth that they may preserve him.

So I will sing praise to Your name forever, That I may pay my vows day by day.

Psalm 61

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on October 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

October 10

I’ve struggled this whole week with feeling overwhelmed. It reached a point of paralysis, where I didn’t have the mindset or the energy to do anything. I’ve got a lot on my plate, and I found myself unable to move forward.

This morning during my quiet time with the Lord, I wrote in my journal that I was edgy and not at peace. I needed hope. I read Psalm 70 in which David wrote, “I am afflicted and needy.”

The middle of the Psalm deals with David praying against the enemies that humiliated and shamed him. I thought, I don’t have enemies other than my own pride and procrastination, but those very things hold me back, causing shame when I think I’ve failed, and keep me from moving forward.

But the rest of the Psalm, the request for help from God, knowing that God is my help and my deliverer, ended with the plea, “Do not delay.”

I listened to a book last week, “The Power of Writing It Down” by Allison Fallon. So I decided to write down what had me stressed. I found that by writing it out, it wasn’t quite as overwhelming as I had thought. While it’s a lot, it’s manageable.

So once again, the Lord gave me what I needed before I knew the need.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that God remains faithful to me and always provides what I need.

I pray for a heart to glorify God in all that I say and do.

I rejoice that He is my salvation, my fortress and my deliverer.

Where’s the joy? It’s in knowing that God is always there, even when I’m stressed and feeling sorry for myself.

O God, hasten to deliver me; O Lord, hasten to my help.

Let those be ashamed and humiliated who seek my life; Let those be turned back and dishonored who delight in my hurt.

Let those be turned back because of their shame, who say “Aha, aha!”

Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; And let those who love Your salvation say continually, “Let God be magnified.”

But I am afflicted and needy; hasten to me O God!

You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.

Psalm 70

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on October 4, 2025 by tricialathrop

October 4

This has been a tough week. As I pondered the cause, I realized that this was the time when it all came to a head. Norm had lesions and they said a liver biopsy was necessary.

I quit all my involvement in Bible study, choir, writing group…everything came to a halt as I did what I could to care for and encourage Norm. Everyday he seemed weaker, I felt like I was watching him die in slow motion. But it would be another month before we had an actual diagnosis.

I began to reach out to friends and family, letting them know what was happening and the prayers began to be lifted for Norm…all over the world. He was overwhelmed by the support he received, humbled by the care, even of people he did not know.

Should you find yourself or a loved one facing an unknown diagnosis that could be serious, I have a few suggestions.

  1. When you go to the doctor or specialist, have three sets of ears listening, even if one is on speaker phone. My sister suggested that and it was a great help. We would discuss what we heard and with three of us, we remembered more. My kids took great notes and made sure to share them with the ones who did not attend. if one of the three can be a medical person, even better.
  2. Ask questions. Clarify what you heard, repeat it back. If you don’t know what to ask, then say, “I don’t even know what to ask.” A good doctor will answer the common questions.
  3. If something is not happening as you had understood it, speak up. When we went in for the liver biopsy, the nurse told us they were doing a non-focal liver biopsy. We asked for clarification, they were taking a general sample from the liver, not the lesions. Fortunately, my sister knew the ropes and made the calls that got the biopsy stopped until the orders could be clarified. Too many people don’t speak up thinking they must have heard wrong, after all the doctor should know, right? Mistakes are made, if it doesn’t sound or look right, speak up.
  4. When the cancer diagnosis came, we were given a patient advocate. If that is provided for you, they are a great source of information, they know the ropes for scheduling tests and appointments. Use them.

I’m returning to those things in which I was involved. It’s tough, but I am trying to move forward and people are very supportive.

I am thankful for the family and friends who supported me and Norm during this time of trial and stress. We would not have made it without them.

I pray for wisdom and courage for the days ahead, I sometimes feel as if I’m still on the roller coaster, but God remains faithful.

I rejoice that God is my rock and my salvation. He will be with me in the good and in the bad.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the hope provided by Jesus Christ.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

Psalm 63:1-7

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 29, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 28

Some days I go along just fine, and then the pain of the loss and the ensuing loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It seems that I won’t be able to stand under the heaviness of it all.

Intellectually I can reason it all out…this is normal. It’s just a feeling that will pass, but in the midst it is a struggle. My tendency is to isolate, and that feeds the feeling of loneliness. Reaching out is difficult and runs the chance of rejection. Rejection is a strong word, people have busy lives and are not responsible for my emotional well being.

I’m learning how to walk this road and deal with the times of intense loneliness. I won’t always be able to count on family and friends, but I can always count on the Lord to help me through.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I am surrounded by family and friends who care.

I pray for courage and strength to make it through the tough times, and to remember to reach out and encourage others in their times of trial.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of God, who is with me on my loneliest days and has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

Where’s the joy? Today, I muddled through without a lot of joy. And that’s okay, I have hope for tomorrow.

But let all who take refuge in You be glad, let them ever sing for joy;

And may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.

Psalm 5:11

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 22, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 21

This time last year, Norm was itching and in pain, hardly sleeping. It took until late October to get a diagnosis, but in the meantime, we tried to figure out what was going on. Nothing we tried worked and each test meant a ten day wait for a result, which led to another test, then another, and another…it seemed endless.

Now, I’m trying to move on, not sit in the house with the curtains closed, watching endless TV and crying.

I went square dancing in Knoxville on Market Square. Norm and I went with my sister for the last few years. It’s always fun, and one doesn’t need a partner because there are a number of singles who just like to dance. Part of the evening are two waltzes. Norm would dance with me because I love to dance. He struggled with anything that involved rhythm…in second grade his teacher took away his rhythm sticks and it caused him to be hesitant to dance or even clap to music. But, he would dance with me.

They ended the night with The Tennessee Waltz, and as I watched the dancers, I cried. Norm and I went to Mighty Musical Mondays at the Tennessee Theater and the mighty Wurlitzer organ, Dave, the organist, always closed the show with the Tennessee Waltz. Norm was amazed that I knew the words and would sing along. When we danced on the square, I would sing it. But this time, the words, “my friend stole my sweetheart from me” hit home. It wasn’t a friend, but it was in the Lord’s plan to take Norm home to walk in the garden with Him.

This morning I considered staying home but went to church anyway. The first song we sang in worship was in 3/4 time, a waltz. The Lord reached out to let me know that He has me covered. He will walk with me through this time of adjustment and be with me until He takes me home to walk in the garden with Him alongside Norm.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for God’s faithfulness to remind me that He knows all that I’m going through and He has a plan.

I pray for the wisdom to walk each day, noticing the people around me who may need encouragement just to make it through the day.

I rejoice that God not only has His eye on me, He rejoices over me with singing.

Where’s the joy? It’s all around, I just need to open my eyes to see it.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the hearts of the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant to those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of the spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 10

In the last week, I feel as if I’ve turned a corner. I’m settling into my new normal. I lead a Bible study, sing in a choir, and get together with friends during the week. I can keep busy during the day, but the evenings…I miss conversing with Norm about events and future plans.

I’m still not sure what the future holds, but I’m seeing the next steps to take. I can trust that God will be faithful through it all.

I am thankful for my friends who have walked this past before me. They are very encouraging and helpful.

I pray for wisdom for the future. There are some opportunities coming up, they will be a challenge. I need wisdom for when to say yes, and when to say no.

I rejoice in the grace of the Lord that He has poured into my life, even as I walk this path.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

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