Posts Tagged With: joy

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 24, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 23

June 21 would have been our 45th anniversary. I didn’t want to be home, so decided I wanted a place where I can view the ocean, go out the backdoor and be at the beach within 100 yards. So I found a place in Hilton Head and came.

I have a beautiful view, a nice ocean breeze, and shade enough of the day to make the balcony comfortable.

Aimee, Sierra and Sawyer came to spend the day with me so I wouldn’t be alone.

First thing in the morning, before they arrived, I went out to walk along the shoreline, allowing the waves to wash against my ankles, and occasionally having to wade through a tidal pool as the tide receded.

It reminded me of a visit to Hawaii…where Norm and I considered going for our 45th. I came with the girls, and would call Norm from my morning walk on the beach. He joked about not being able to come on the girl’s trip, and teased me about teasing him with my morning beach walk.

He came to the ocean or on cruises because I enjoyed them. I went to the mountains and off roading because he enjoyed them. We had our preferences, but shared each other’s joys.

When he came to the beach he would often take pictures of pelicans. He tried to catch them in their dive. But he had a number of photos of them just soaring above the water.

On our anniversary, there were not just a few pelicans, but flocks of them that flew over all day. It seemed that they were on parade above us. I saw it as a God-wink, God letting me know in abundance that he had his eye on me. Since then, I’ve seen a few and only solo or in pairs, not a flock flying overhead.

So, for those of you praying because you knew it would be a tough day. Thank you. I cried, but overall it was a good day. God remains faithful.

And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

Isaiah 58:11

I am thankful that God gave me a God-wink, a reminder that He has his eye and his hand on my life.

I pray for wisdom as I walk this path, that I will be able to share with others the hope that is in Jesus Christ.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? God has given me good memories. We had a great 45 years.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 20, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 20

Tough week! Started with spreading Norm’s ashes at an overlook on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Followed by daily turning to speak to Norm and realizing he’s not here.

Then yesterday I went to get my mammogram and bone density tests. Those took place in the place where Norm had his final pet scan that showed that the cancer was mostly gone and the treatment was working. Then the receptionist asked if I was married…not anymore, widow. She came from behind the desk to give me a hug…I couldn’t hold the tears back.

Tomorrow would have been our 45th anniversary. Pre cancer we had plans to return to Hawaii. My girls and grands are coming to spend some time with me tomorrow, so I don’t have to face it alone.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories that I have with Norm, and that I miss him. How sad to not miss the one you love.

I pray for courage for the next few days, and for wisdom to walk this path I did not choose.

I rejoice that God provides all I need, sometimes before I realize what I need.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the memories, lots of good memories.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 16

Yesterday we scattered Norm’s ashes at Water Rock Knob on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Norm enjoyed the drive on that road. Pre cancer, he would go every couple of weeks to hike and take pictures. It seemed appropriate to spread his ashes where he loved to be.

We arrived shortly after sunrise, but there was no view due to the early morning fog and mist. While a spectacular view would have been nice, a misty day fit my heart. And Norm never minded the fog, he could find something to photograph and make it look awesome.

It was harder than I expected…even though I’m not sure what I expected. It felt final. I don’t know how to deal with that feeling.

My children, Jennifer, Aimee and Robert came along with my grandchildren, Sierra and Sawyer and Jennifer’s boyfriend, Ideen. His brother Brian came. My sister came with her boyfriend, Jim. All of them had a special relationship with Norm.

After the emotional morning, we went out for breakfast, Norm’s favorite eat out meal. Then we went to play miniature golf, our family tradition at all events, followed by ice cream. Great memories.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the life of love and joy that I had with Norm. He was a great husband and friend.

I pray for wisdom as I continue to walk this path I would not have chosen.

I rejoice that Norm touched so many lives with his unique view of life, his stories and his photos.

Where’s the joy? This week it is all in the memories.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 10

It’s only been three months, but feels much longer.

Yesterday, Norm’s college friends got together to plant two trees. One in memory of Norm, the other in memory of Linda. Like me, she joined the group post college because she fell in love with one of the friends. Linda was a later addition to the group, but made a big impact in the short time we had together.

These friends reached out often to Norm and to me with words, cards, gifts of encouragement. He began to call them his “forever friends”. Linda reached out often because she experienced and survived the same cancer as Norm, she gave him hope in the fight. Unfortunately, her cancer returned and she passed away just a few weeks after Norm.

We planted the trees on Debbie’s property, where the group has met for the last few years since Covid. It was a beautiful tribute to Norm and Linda. Lots of memories of the joy and laughter they brought to all our lives…and tears, for the loss of their joy and laughter.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for these friends of Norm who became my friends.

I pray for my family and friends, that they will come to know the grace of the Lord.

We have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:9-14

I rejoice that God provides people to walk with us on earth, to bring encouragement, joy and sometimes a challenge.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the friends and people around me, God’s gift to help me walk this path.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 9, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 8

It’s the little things that get ya.

I dreamed about Norm last night. We were enjoying talking while sitting under a lilac tree and then I was in an office having to tell them my emergency contact…not Norm…rude awakening.

All day it was the little things: Walking in the shower and not having to change the shower head. Going to the living room and not seeing Norm sitting at the computer. The conversations, the holding hands, sharing the mundane things of life…

It seems I’m moving forward and a little thing will reach out and slam me to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

I don’t like being a widow. It’s painful. It’s messy. It’s unpredictable.

Norm’s college friends are planting a tree in memory of Norm. Next weekend the kids and I will be spreading Norm’s ashes along the Blue Ridge Parkway…one of his favorite photo places. More tears expected.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories. I’ve probably put that down a lot of times, but memories are important, they remind me of the good times we had, even on days when we did nothing special.

I pray for the upcoming week of celebrating Norm, not really sure how or what to pray, but the Lord is faithful and He will give us what we need.

I rejoice that God is faithful to answer prayers, even those we don’t know we need. He arranged it so I can be at the planting of the tree.

Where’s the joy? I can rest in the fact that God is taking care of the details and providing joyful moments even in the sorrow.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! 

Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! 

Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! 

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. 

Psalm 100:1–5.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 6

I’m settling in to my new normal. Part of that normal involves memories of times with Norm…which usually brings a smile accompanied by tears. I start my mornings with an acknowledgement that Norm is not here. After almost 45 years, that’s a tough pill to swallow every morning.

But family and friends are staying close. I’ve heard that as the year continues, those calls and visits will become less. Norm’s aunt wrote a poem called “When the Calls Stop”. But I’m not there yet, so I will be grateful for the encouragement I have today.

I’ve been considering what my life looks like moving forward. What do I want to accomplish? What does the Lord have for me to do?

I think I’m ready to pick up some things I set aside to take care of Norm. I want to be intentional in what I do. We’ll see how it goes.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for family and friends who take the time to contact me, call or text, or send a card.

I pray for wisdom as I move forward, to fill my days with what is important.

I rejoice that the Lord has provided a supporting community, so that I am not walking alone.

Where’s the joy? My grandchildren, children, sisters, brother, nieces and nephews, friends, both, mine and Norm’s, my church…I have so much to be grateful for.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 16

I kept busy, but the tears flowed often.

I took care of some things that I put off due to Norm’s illness and treatment. They came and repaired our roof, so it doesn’t leak anymore. I got one cataract removed and I’m amazed at how well I can see out of that eye, next eye in three weeks. Visited the dermatologist, all clear.

I took care of things that needed to be done after Norm’s death. I called the hospital billing, it seems that insurance has covered all the hospital stays. I’m getting bills from the doctors, paying them as they come. Sometimes the insurance pays, and sometimes not. Called Norm’s insurance to make sure I get the information they send…it’s been going to his email. I saw our lawyer to make sure I have all the bases covered, so far so good.

It’s going to take a long time to sort through Norm’s things: Photography equipment, camping gear, woodworking tools, his action figures for which he created uniforms of various wars, his books, his art. What to keep? What to give away? What to sell? What to throw away? Who wants what?

I realized yesterday that our 45th anniversary is coming up. Before cancer we had talked of going back to Hawaii or Scotland, somewhere special. Will I need to be alone? Will I need to be with people? I’m thinking a hotel room with a balcony that overlooks the ocean…

Where’s the joy?

I’m thankful that things are falling into place and I’m not having to worry about finances or the house falling apart.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road of widowhood, that I will walk in such a way that the Lord is glorified.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? Friends and family, especially meeting for lunch.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.

Know that the Lord Himself is god. It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.

For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 14, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 14

Yesterday was full of regrets. I could have gone on more of Norm’s photography trips. I could have made the effort to tell him how much he meant to me. I could have been kinder and paid more attention when he first talked of his symptoms…in my defense, he was a bit of a hypochondriac.

I’ve heard that this is part of grieving, looking at what I could have/should have done. There’s no way to go back and change the past, but perhaps it will help me as I deal with family and friends moving forward…to let them know I care, to give the thanks and the approval as it happens.

People have told me their loved ones have come to them in dreams…usually a good thing. Norm appeared in my dream last night, alive. Usually if it’s a dream about him, it’s me dealing with his death. Last night, he was alive. Instead of an encouraging word of love and care, he gave me a list of how I had failed him. I know that was just a reflection of my thoughts yesterday being reviewed in my dream, but still, it was kind of a bummer.

As I thought about my dream, I started laughing. Norm was good at making me laugh. That was so not Norm…at least not who he was before the cancer changed his personality to a bitter, angry old man. The treatments gave me back my husband for a few months with jokes and laughter, celebrating the small successes as he battled cancer. We made plans for trips to France, Egypt, a cruise or two, going back to the Alpine Highway in Colorado…hopeful days in the midst of the turmoil of cancer.

Are there regrets? We all have them. Moving forward? Forgiveness and do better with those still on this earth.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the extra months I had with Norm where he was his funny, sarcastic self.

I pray for words of encouragement and affirming to give to those around me, and asking forgiveness when appropriate.

I rejoice that God’s forgiveness is always available to us when we ask. He knows our weaknesses more than we know our own.

Where’s the joy? I married Norm because he made me laugh…Memories of Norm will still make me laugh.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32.

I know all to well, you never know when it will be your last opportunity to be kind…

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 10, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 10

I went to the dentist this week. The hygienist asked “How is your husband?” I had mentioned his battle with cancer on my last visit. I just cried and she quietly waited for me to finish.

Sometimes I face this new normal with grace and strength, and sometimes I just cry. It’s not easy to wake up each day knowing that Norm will not be here. Right now I’m trying to deal with those things that I put off due to his illness and death. Step by step.

Our roof is leaking so I called to get some estimates…and then I contacted our HOA because roofs are their responsibility unless it’s a weather issue. Their guy came out and said they could repair, but it would cause more problems. So it is being replaced this week, and I don’t have to pay for it.

I know that I’ve paid the dues for years, and this is what the HOA does by their contract. But I see this as a God-wink. He’s letting me know that He’s watching out for me. We’ll get through all the challenges yet to come, together.

Another friend died due to cancer. Linda had been a big support for Norm. She had gone through the treatments and the visits to ICU with her first bout. She encouraged Norm regularly, from a voice of experience. He accepted the encouragement from her because she knew what it was really like. After Norm’s death, evidence appeared that her cancer had returned. She and Norm are both walking in the Garden of the Lord.

As I walk this earth without Norm, I have support from family, friends and my church family. I’m not sure what God has for me in the future…none of us know. I know that He is faithful, and that He will intervene on my behalf, either directly or through those around me. I can continue to trust in Him.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the people around me who continually lift me up with encouragement and prayer.

I pray for wisdom and strength to walk the path before me in a way that brings honor to the Lord.

I rejoice that God continues to be faithful.

Where’s the joy? My family and friends who continue to remember Norm.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-

A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 6

I just got back from a trip to see my kids and grandkids and a cruise with my sisters. I had a good time…some tears, as expected.

But I came home to silence. Norm didn’t greet me at the door with a big kiss, a bear hug, and an “I missed you.” I had no help bringing my luggage into the house. We didn’t go out to Olive Garden to share what we had done while we were absent from one another.

I miss Norm. I’m not liking this new normal.

I am thankful for the time I had with Norm, he is the love of my life.

I pray for strength and courage to walk through this new normal.

I rejoice that in spite of how I am feeling and reacting, God’s love will continue to guide and to sustain me, and give me joy in the midst of the sorrow.

Where’s the joy? Today it is in the memories.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3

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