Posts Tagged With: joy

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 9, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 8

It’s the little things that get ya.

I dreamed about Norm last night. We were enjoying talking while sitting under a lilac tree and then I was in an office having to tell them my emergency contact…not Norm…rude awakening.

All day it was the little things: Walking in the shower and not having to change the shower head. Going to the living room and not seeing Norm sitting at the computer. The conversations, the holding hands, sharing the mundane things of life…

It seems I’m moving forward and a little thing will reach out and slam me to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

I don’t like being a widow. It’s painful. It’s messy. It’s unpredictable.

Norm’s college friends are planting a tree in memory of Norm. Next weekend the kids and I will be spreading Norm’s ashes along the Blue Ridge Parkway…one of his favorite photo places. More tears expected.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories. I’ve probably put that down a lot of times, but memories are important, they remind me of the good times we had, even on days when we did nothing special.

I pray for the upcoming week of celebrating Norm, not really sure how or what to pray, but the Lord is faithful and He will give us what we need.

I rejoice that God is faithful to answer prayers, even those we don’t know we need. He arranged it so I can be at the planting of the tree.

Where’s the joy? I can rest in the fact that God is taking care of the details and providing joyful moments even in the sorrow.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! 

Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! 

Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! 

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. 

Psalm 100:1–5.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 6

I’m settling in to my new normal. Part of that normal involves memories of times with Norm…which usually brings a smile accompanied by tears. I start my mornings with an acknowledgement that Norm is not here. After almost 45 years, that’s a tough pill to swallow every morning.

But family and friends are staying close. I’ve heard that as the year continues, those calls and visits will become less. Norm’s aunt wrote a poem called “When the Calls Stop”. But I’m not there yet, so I will be grateful for the encouragement I have today.

I’ve been considering what my life looks like moving forward. What do I want to accomplish? What does the Lord have for me to do?

I think I’m ready to pick up some things I set aside to take care of Norm. I want to be intentional in what I do. We’ll see how it goes.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for family and friends who take the time to contact me, call or text, or send a card.

I pray for wisdom as I move forward, to fill my days with what is important.

I rejoice that the Lord has provided a supporting community, so that I am not walking alone.

Where’s the joy? My grandchildren, children, sisters, brother, nieces and nephews, friends, both, mine and Norm’s, my church…I have so much to be grateful for.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 16

I kept busy, but the tears flowed often.

I took care of some things that I put off due to Norm’s illness and treatment. They came and repaired our roof, so it doesn’t leak anymore. I got one cataract removed and I’m amazed at how well I can see out of that eye, next eye in three weeks. Visited the dermatologist, all clear.

I took care of things that needed to be done after Norm’s death. I called the hospital billing, it seems that insurance has covered all the hospital stays. I’m getting bills from the doctors, paying them as they come. Sometimes the insurance pays, and sometimes not. Called Norm’s insurance to make sure I get the information they send…it’s been going to his email. I saw our lawyer to make sure I have all the bases covered, so far so good.

It’s going to take a long time to sort through Norm’s things: Photography equipment, camping gear, woodworking tools, his action figures for which he created uniforms of various wars, his books, his art. What to keep? What to give away? What to sell? What to throw away? Who wants what?

I realized yesterday that our 45th anniversary is coming up. Before cancer we had talked of going back to Hawaii or Scotland, somewhere special. Will I need to be alone? Will I need to be with people? I’m thinking a hotel room with a balcony that overlooks the ocean…

Where’s the joy?

I’m thankful that things are falling into place and I’m not having to worry about finances or the house falling apart.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road of widowhood, that I will walk in such a way that the Lord is glorified.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? Friends and family, especially meeting for lunch.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.

Know that the Lord Himself is god. It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.

For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 14, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 14

Yesterday was full of regrets. I could have gone on more of Norm’s photography trips. I could have made the effort to tell him how much he meant to me. I could have been kinder and paid more attention when he first talked of his symptoms…in my defense, he was a bit of a hypochondriac.

I’ve heard that this is part of grieving, looking at what I could have/should have done. There’s no way to go back and change the past, but perhaps it will help me as I deal with family and friends moving forward…to let them know I care, to give the thanks and the approval as it happens.

People have told me their loved ones have come to them in dreams…usually a good thing. Norm appeared in my dream last night, alive. Usually if it’s a dream about him, it’s me dealing with his death. Last night, he was alive. Instead of an encouraging word of love and care, he gave me a list of how I had failed him. I know that was just a reflection of my thoughts yesterday being reviewed in my dream, but still, it was kind of a bummer.

As I thought about my dream, I started laughing. Norm was good at making me laugh. That was so not Norm…at least not who he was before the cancer changed his personality to a bitter, angry old man. The treatments gave me back my husband for a few months with jokes and laughter, celebrating the small successes as he battled cancer. We made plans for trips to France, Egypt, a cruise or two, going back to the Alpine Highway in Colorado…hopeful days in the midst of the turmoil of cancer.

Are there regrets? We all have them. Moving forward? Forgiveness and do better with those still on this earth.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the extra months I had with Norm where he was his funny, sarcastic self.

I pray for words of encouragement and affirming to give to those around me, and asking forgiveness when appropriate.

I rejoice that God’s forgiveness is always available to us when we ask. He knows our weaknesses more than we know our own.

Where’s the joy? I married Norm because he made me laugh…Memories of Norm will still make me laugh.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32.

I know all to well, you never know when it will be your last opportunity to be kind…

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 10, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 10

I went to the dentist this week. The hygienist asked “How is your husband?” I had mentioned his battle with cancer on my last visit. I just cried and she quietly waited for me to finish.

Sometimes I face this new normal with grace and strength, and sometimes I just cry. It’s not easy to wake up each day knowing that Norm will not be here. Right now I’m trying to deal with those things that I put off due to his illness and death. Step by step.

Our roof is leaking so I called to get some estimates…and then I contacted our HOA because roofs are their responsibility unless it’s a weather issue. Their guy came out and said they could repair, but it would cause more problems. So it is being replaced this week, and I don’t have to pay for it.

I know that I’ve paid the dues for years, and this is what the HOA does by their contract. But I see this as a God-wink. He’s letting me know that He’s watching out for me. We’ll get through all the challenges yet to come, together.

Another friend died due to cancer. Linda had been a big support for Norm. She had gone through the treatments and the visits to ICU with her first bout. She encouraged Norm regularly, from a voice of experience. He accepted the encouragement from her because she knew what it was really like. After Norm’s death, evidence appeared that her cancer had returned. She and Norm are both walking in the Garden of the Lord.

As I walk this earth without Norm, I have support from family, friends and my church family. I’m not sure what God has for me in the future…none of us know. I know that He is faithful, and that He will intervene on my behalf, either directly or through those around me. I can continue to trust in Him.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the people around me who continually lift me up with encouragement and prayer.

I pray for wisdom and strength to walk the path before me in a way that brings honor to the Lord.

I rejoice that God continues to be faithful.

Where’s the joy? My family and friends who continue to remember Norm.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-

A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 6

I just got back from a trip to see my kids and grandkids and a cruise with my sisters. I had a good time…some tears, as expected.

But I came home to silence. Norm didn’t greet me at the door with a big kiss, a bear hug, and an “I missed you.” I had no help bringing my luggage into the house. We didn’t go out to Olive Garden to share what we had done while we were absent from one another.

I miss Norm. I’m not liking this new normal.

I am thankful for the time I had with Norm, he is the love of my life.

I pray for strength and courage to walk through this new normal.

I rejoice that in spite of how I am feeling and reacting, God’s love will continue to guide and to sustain me, and give me joy in the midst of the sorrow.

Where’s the joy? Today it is in the memories.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on April 18, 2025 by tricialathrop

April 17

Tough week. The reality of Norm’s death hits me everyday. My friends who are widows say that it will get better…they know…they’ve been there.

I’ve started a new Bible study on hope because right now, hope is my lifeline. My hope is in God, who is my salvation. Tomorrow we celebrate, actually we remember the death of Christ on the cross. He took all our sins and all our sorrows, dying and paying the penalty for our sins and rejection of the creator God. Sunday, we celebrate His resurrection. He came to give us life, eternal life.

Because of what Christ did on the cross…I have hope. Hope that God will guide me while I remain here on earth, hope that I will see Norm again when I go to walk with God in the garden.

I read Psalm 42 today.

As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God.

Our spiritual self needs God in our lives, just as our physical self needs water. Sometimes dehydration sneaks up on us, we aren’t aware of how thirsty we are, but there will come a time when the thirst cannot be denied.

My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God. When can I go to meet with God?

God hears our prayers, He is the Living God who actively hears and sees us. he is always present even when we do not sense Him in our lives. Norm is walking with God, fully aware of who God is and how much God loves.

My tears have been my food, day and night, while men say to me, “Where is your God?”

It’s true, my tears fall down my cheeks, often unbidden, but there all the same. I’m never sure when they will overflow.

I don’t have anyone asking about God’s presence in my life. Indeed, I have a lot of encouragement from others of God’s faithfulness.

These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitudes, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

Songs of joy and festivity are not a part of my worship. Instead the worship songs bring tears to my eyes that pour down my cheeks.

Why are you downcast, o my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in god, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to weep and a time to mourn. I’m in a time of weeping that will not last forever. There will be a time when the memory brings a smile, not tears. There will be a time when the songs I sing to the Lord will be joyful, not full of sorrow. There will be a time when the pain of loss will be wrapped and sealed, occasionally breaking out with a new wave of pain, only to be resealed by love and good memories.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the 44 years I had with Norm, and I’m thankful that I miss him, it reveals he meant a lot to me.

I pray for grace as I take the time to grieve my loss.

I rejoice that Jesus Christ came to earth as a man, to die on the cross so that I can have hope in the resurrection which leads to eternal life.

Where’s the joy? My joy is in the Lord…even when the tears fall.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 21, 2025 by tricialathrop

I’m a widow. In just one day I changed my demographic, no longer married…a widow.

It’s not like I’m going to run around and tell people, “I’m a widow now”. I will comment about my husband, sharing stories of our life together. But for the rest of my life on those forms we fill out ad nauseam, I will have to mark “widow”.

For some reason this realization is hitting me hard. It’s weird. It identifies me as someone who was once married, but is no longer because of death. And I’m not sure how to deal with it.

The term, widow, draws up images of “Gone With the Wind” and the Scarlett dancing in her widow’s garb. In the English movies, the widow is either a scheming bitter woman who speaks poorly about everyone, or a senseless dowager who needs constant watching.

There are some widows in the Bible. Naomi, who called herself Mara, because of bitterness, but had the grace to find provision for her widowed daughter-in-law Ruth.

The widow of Naan, for whom Jesus raised her son to life. In those days children took care of their widowed mothers and if she didn’t have that protection, she could be reduced to begging. Jesus gave her not only her son, but her provision.

Anna dwelled in the temple for 70 years as a widow, and gave witness to Jesus Christ as the Messiah alongside Simeon.

Jesus praised the widow, who in her need, gave all she had to the Lord.

The only non-widow in the women mentioned in Jesus’ genealogy was Mary, his mother. But by the time Jesus began his ministry, she was a widow.

The prophets criticized the leaders of Israel for not taking care of the widows or orphans and not hearing their causes. Jesus commented that the leadership of his day “devoured” widows houses (Mark 12:40). James tells us that caring for widows and orphans in their affliction is a part of pure and undefiled religion.

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. James 1:27

In America today, most widows are not as reliant on their children as in the past. Most have Social Security or a pension, either from their own job or their husband’s. Of course, this does not apply to all widows, some do need to rely on their children or the state for their provision and care.

Now that I am a widow, I see that I didn’t see the needs of the widows, not that I ignored them or didn’t help…I just wasn’t aware of some needs.

1 Timothy 5 gives some guidelines for caring for widows. The first responsibility falls to the family, children and grandchildren. Then it falls to the church. Younger widows were encouraged to remarry.

There are cautions mentioned: don’t be idle, don’t go from house to house just being idle, don’t become gossips or busybodies talking about things not worth mentioning. (1 Timothy 5:13)

As a widow, I am to fix my hope on God and continue in entreaties and prayers. I am to be devoted good works, showing hospitality to strangers, assisting those in distress, serving the Lord in the church, teaching the young women…all the things I should have been doing all along…

Paul also has guidelines for the widows and the single women. As an unmarried woman now, I can focus more on the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.

The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:24

I am a widow, and in that role I have some responsibilities before the Lord. It should be interesting to see where this path takes me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the people who have rallied around me during this time of grieving and readjustment.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk in the path that the Lord has set before me.

I rejoice that God cares for those who are needy and somewhat helpless, so much so that he calls his people to care for the broken and hurting.

Where’s the joy? The Lord continues to have a purpose for my life and will reveal his plan as I seek His face.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 16

I went to church this morning. I haven’t been since Norm started his chemo treatments. I debated going since a while back a widow told me it was hard for her to go. She didn’t want to face all the questions. She didn’t want to face all the faces that were sympathetic. She didn’t want to go alone.

Lower attendance due to spring break, so not so many sympathetic eyes and questions. I received very sincere hugs. I cried. I sang and tried to worship. I cried some more. I listened to a sermon about the battle belonging to the Lord and the importance of praise.

I’m still a bit numb. I don’t feel like Norm is really gone, I feel like he’s just away on one of his camping trips. I think I mentioned that in an earlier post.

Am I in denial, delaying emotional breakdown that will accompany the reality of my loss?

Am I purposely distracting myself so I don’t have to face the loss?

Am I putting my emotions on a shelf so that I can do what needs to be done?

Am I afraid to allow myself to let the emotions flow?

Today I was reminded of the need for music in my life. Songs of worship will remind me of the Lord and what He can do in my life. Songs of love and romance will remind me of the love Norm and I shared. Songs of sorrow will allow the tears of loss to flow freely. Songs of joy will remind me that I have much to be thankful for.

This mourning process will take time. We all face it differently, we all face it in God’s timing.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven–A time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; a time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

I am thankful for the support and encouragement of those who have walked this path before me.

I pray that I will see beyond myself, to give support to those who need it.

I rejoice that God is worthy of all praise and honor.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the music.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 15, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 14

I went through some of Norm’s items. I’m finally unpacking what I brought home from the hospital. It reminded me of what a roller coaster the last five weeks have been. It not only held items for his hospital stay, but also clothes for him to wear when he came home.

Sometimes, it’s as if he’s just away on one of his camping trips, at any minute he could walk through the door…but then, the reality of his being gone hits. Lunch with a friend and a few card games with my nephew provided some distraction, but the reality is always with me.

The memories are all good. I know there were times Norm frustrated me, but what I wouldn’t give to have him back, even on the most frustrating of days.

I’m preparing for his Celebration of his life. I love looking at it that way instead of as a memorial or funeral. He blessed a lot of people. His photos took people to places they could not go on their own. His storytelling never failed to entertain. He could talk to anyone about pretty much anything, his knowledge covered a number of topics.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the extra four months with Norm that the Lord gave to me through the effort of several doctors.

I pray for wisdom and courage as I walk this path.

I rejoice that God gives us memories to enjoy and to share with others.

Where’s the joy? It’s in sharing the stories, not only of Norm, but of what God has done.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:3-8

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