Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 29, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 28

The last few days I’ve had up times and teary times. I never know from minute to minute how I’m going to respond. A kind word can have me in tears, or fill me with joy…I just don’t know. I tell myself, it’s okay, the emotional ups and downs are to be expected.

I am, for the most part, an optimist. Sometimes people refer to optimists as Pollyannas, meaning that they don’t look at life realistically. But optimism sees the truth, but chooses to believe that good can come from it, and not focus on the darker options.

I can be an optimist, and still be sad at the circumstances.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for friends and family who are there for me, good times and bad.

I pray for my friends who are going through cancer treatment. I found out one of the prayer warriors for Norm found out her husband has leukemia and is now undergoing treatment.

I rejoice that God has a good plan and is faithful to keep his promises, even if I don’t see it.

Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 27, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 26

Things seem to be going along fine, then, BAM! I’m in tears. A lot of my thoughts have dealt with what Norm and I used to do, and I have to admit, not anymore.

Yesterday I watched the Indy 500, Norm used to laugh, because I’m not a car person, and that is the only race I watch. I would keep him up on all the crashes, then he would join me in watching the last few laps. Not anymore.

For Memorial Day, we would sometimes ride on the Foothills Parkway, stopping for a picnic at one of the overlooks. Today, I decided to go to the Christmas Store in Pigeon Forge, but as I headed over, the sky looked ominous, so I decided to return home via the Foothill Parkway.

I got onto the Tail of the Dragon from the Foothills Parkway. Norm loved to drive the Tail of the Dragon in his mustang. Eleven miles of hairpin turns, lots of motorcycles and sports cars take the road. It’s so popular that they have photographers set up at some of the more popular turns. When Norm would get back from the ride, we’d check out the web site for the photographs. Not anymore.

But as hard as this is, I’m glad that Norm is not the one having to deal with the loss.

Today, I looked at some scripture dealing with hope. The focus of the scripture was the hope we have because of the unending love of God.

May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in Your Word. I know, oh Lord, that Your laws and righteous, and in faithfulness You have afflicted me.

May Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to Your promise to Your servant.

Psalm 119:74-76

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I have put my hope.

O Israel, put Your hope on the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption.

Psalm 130: 5, 7

The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. Psalm 147:11

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for family and friends who support me as I walk this path.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk faithfully with the Lord, especially in the rough times.

I rejoice that God loves us with an unfailing love. And that the Lord showed that love when He sent Jesus to earth to die on the cross for us, creating a bridge for us to have a good relationship with God, the Father.

Where’s the joy? it’s in the unfailing love of God, that never goes away.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 22, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 21

it’s been an uneventful week. I’m still working on getting caught up on paperwork, cleaning the house, sorting through Norm’s things and trying to make sure I visit with friends.

I went to church on Sunday. In the last nine months I’ve only gone a few times. Being able to watch the service on the computer has a down side, it gets easy to stay home and not attend in person. Once the habit is broken, it takes effort to return to sanctuary and worship with the congregation.

It was too easy to stay home. I had to decide to go, no excuses. At every step of getting ready, I had to say, “I’m going to church today.” As I got closer to the church, the tears began to fall and would not stop. In the parking lot, I sat for a few minutes to compose myself and dry my tears.

I was greeted by Esther, a woman who has walked the road of widowhood before me. She gave me a hug and said, “I don’t want to make you cry, but I want to give you a hug.” Being alone, one doesn’t realize how much a daily hug is missed. Tears came to my eyes, but didn’t fall.

As we began to sing, I couldn’t help but cry. All the songs dealt with Jesus being the anchor of our souls and lives. One song in particular mentioned the phrase “You are not alone.” Each day I live in a world where I am alone, and yet I am not alone. Sometimes I couldn’t sing because of the tears, some songs I could sing and worship with the congregation. it’s not the same to sing at home with the online recording.

I need to stay in community with my church.


Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:23-25

I am thankful for my church which has been a big support over the last nine months, even when I haven’t shown up.

I pray for some friends who are struggling with cancer. Don, who had an operation today to remove the cancer, hopefully resulting in healing and no more need for treatment. Donna, getting ready for her final round of chemo. And Mark, who has a cancer that cannot be treated by traditional means. The Lord continues to hold each of them in his hand, and has a plan for them, even through this struggle.

I rejoice that Christ remains my anchor when everything else is out of control.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 16

I kept busy, but the tears flowed often.

I took care of some things that I put off due to Norm’s illness and treatment. They came and repaired our roof, so it doesn’t leak anymore. I got one cataract removed and I’m amazed at how well I can see out of that eye, next eye in three weeks. Visited the dermatologist, all clear.

I took care of things that needed to be done after Norm’s death. I called the hospital billing, it seems that insurance has covered all the hospital stays. I’m getting bills from the doctors, paying them as they come. Sometimes the insurance pays, and sometimes not. Called Norm’s insurance to make sure I get the information they send…it’s been going to his email. I saw our lawyer to make sure I have all the bases covered, so far so good.

It’s going to take a long time to sort through Norm’s things: Photography equipment, camping gear, woodworking tools, his action figures for which he created uniforms of various wars, his books, his art. What to keep? What to give away? What to sell? What to throw away? Who wants what?

I realized yesterday that our 45th anniversary is coming up. Before cancer we had talked of going back to Hawaii or Scotland, somewhere special. Will I need to be alone? Will I need to be with people? I’m thinking a hotel room with a balcony that overlooks the ocean…

Where’s the joy?

I’m thankful that things are falling into place and I’m not having to worry about finances or the house falling apart.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road of widowhood, that I will walk in such a way that the Lord is glorified.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? Friends and family, especially meeting for lunch.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.

Know that the Lord Himself is god. It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.

For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 14, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 14

Yesterday was full of regrets. I could have gone on more of Norm’s photography trips. I could have made the effort to tell him how much he meant to me. I could have been kinder and paid more attention when he first talked of his symptoms…in my defense, he was a bit of a hypochondriac.

I’ve heard that this is part of grieving, looking at what I could have/should have done. There’s no way to go back and change the past, but perhaps it will help me as I deal with family and friends moving forward…to let them know I care, to give the thanks and the approval as it happens.

People have told me their loved ones have come to them in dreams…usually a good thing. Norm appeared in my dream last night, alive. Usually if it’s a dream about him, it’s me dealing with his death. Last night, he was alive. Instead of an encouraging word of love and care, he gave me a list of how I had failed him. I know that was just a reflection of my thoughts yesterday being reviewed in my dream, but still, it was kind of a bummer.

As I thought about my dream, I started laughing. Norm was good at making me laugh. That was so not Norm…at least not who he was before the cancer changed his personality to a bitter, angry old man. The treatments gave me back my husband for a few months with jokes and laughter, celebrating the small successes as he battled cancer. We made plans for trips to France, Egypt, a cruise or two, going back to the Alpine Highway in Colorado…hopeful days in the midst of the turmoil of cancer.

Are there regrets? We all have them. Moving forward? Forgiveness and do better with those still on this earth.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the extra months I had with Norm where he was his funny, sarcastic self.

I pray for words of encouragement and affirming to give to those around me, and asking forgiveness when appropriate.

I rejoice that God’s forgiveness is always available to us when we ask. He knows our weaknesses more than we know our own.

Where’s the joy? I married Norm because he made me laugh…Memories of Norm will still make me laugh.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32.

I know all to well, you never know when it will be your last opportunity to be kind…

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 12

Yesterday was a tough day. I missed the father of my children. I face-timed with the kids. My nephews and sister went out to lunch with me. All good things, and I had a good day.

Norm and I would have gone out for lunch and then probably driven along the Foothills Parkway. A holiday really brings home the loss…10 more months of holiday firsts without Norm. The sorrow overwhelms me and the tears fall freely.

Those who have walked this road before me say it gets better…

Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? 

For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him. 

He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. 

But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. 

All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him. 

He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth. 

By oppression and judgment He was taken away; And as for His generation, who considered That He was cut off out of the land of the living For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due? 

His grave was assigned with wicked men, Yet He was with a rich man in His death, Because He had done no violence, Nor was there any deceit in His mouth. 

But the Lord was pleased To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt offering, He will see His offspring, He will prolong His days, And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand. 

As a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; By His knowledge the Righteous One, My Servant, will justify the many, As He will bear their iniquities. 

Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great, And He will divide the booty with the strong; Because He poured out Himself to death, And was numbered with the transgressors; Yet He Himself bore the sin of many, And interceded for the transgressors. 

Isaiah 53:1–12.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 10, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 10

I went to the dentist this week. The hygienist asked “How is your husband?” I had mentioned his battle with cancer on my last visit. I just cried and she quietly waited for me to finish.

Sometimes I face this new normal with grace and strength, and sometimes I just cry. It’s not easy to wake up each day knowing that Norm will not be here. Right now I’m trying to deal with those things that I put off due to his illness and death. Step by step.

Our roof is leaking so I called to get some estimates…and then I contacted our HOA because roofs are their responsibility unless it’s a weather issue. Their guy came out and said they could repair, but it would cause more problems. So it is being replaced this week, and I don’t have to pay for it.

I know that I’ve paid the dues for years, and this is what the HOA does by their contract. But I see this as a God-wink. He’s letting me know that He’s watching out for me. We’ll get through all the challenges yet to come, together.

Another friend died due to cancer. Linda had been a big support for Norm. She had gone through the treatments and the visits to ICU with her first bout. She encouraged Norm regularly, from a voice of experience. He accepted the encouragement from her because she knew what it was really like. After Norm’s death, evidence appeared that her cancer had returned. She and Norm are both walking in the Garden of the Lord.

As I walk this earth without Norm, I have support from family, friends and my church family. I’m not sure what God has for me in the future…none of us know. I know that He is faithful, and that He will intervene on my behalf, either directly or through those around me. I can continue to trust in Him.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the people around me who continually lift me up with encouragement and prayer.

I pray for wisdom and strength to walk the path before me in a way that brings honor to the Lord.

I rejoice that God continues to be faithful.

Where’s the joy? My family and friends who continue to remember Norm.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-

A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 6

I just got back from a trip to see my kids and grandkids and a cruise with my sisters. I had a good time…some tears, as expected.

But I came home to silence. Norm didn’t greet me at the door with a big kiss, a bear hug, and an “I missed you.” I had no help bringing my luggage into the house. We didn’t go out to Olive Garden to share what we had done while we were absent from one another.

I miss Norm. I’m not liking this new normal.

I am thankful for the time I had with Norm, he is the love of my life.

I pray for strength and courage to walk through this new normal.

I rejoice that in spite of how I am feeling and reacting, God’s love will continue to guide and to sustain me, and give me joy in the midst of the sorrow.

Where’s the joy? Today it is in the memories.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk.

Posted on May 1, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 1

I’ve just finished my first official vacation without Norm.
It was interesting, tears with memories and some new things. The hardest times were getting on the ship and then getting off. The loss of Norm’s laugh and dry humor gave me pause, I would think of what he’d say in the situation.

On our deck was a person who was a cancer survivor, on a celebration cruise. I didn’t meet them, not sure I could hold it together. I put the magnet I had made for Norm’s celebration on our door. Vic had a magnet with Goofy made, “In memory of Norm”.

We went to Lookaway Cay, Disney’s new island. Norm would not have liked the walking, but he would have enjoyed the Cathedral Caves and some of the unique architecture. I took some photos, but not like he would have.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends who are very supportive.

I pray for those going through cancer treatment that they will have strength, courage and laughter as they endure.

I rejoice that through it all, God is faithful.

Where’s the joy? Everyday, sweet memories, and the ability to make new ones.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

You understand my thought from afar.

3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down,

And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before there is a word on my tongue,

Behold, O Lord, You know it all.

5 You have enclosed me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is too high, I cannot attain to it.  (Psalm 139:1–6, NASB95)

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on April 27, 2025 by tricialathrop

I’m writing thank you notes for the love and mercy poured out on Norm and I over the last eight months. I am overwhelmed and find myself in tears. I know that Norm didn’t know how much he was loved. But I know he commented about being overwhelmed by it.

I know that we all get busy with life and it takes a tragedy or a death to shake us out of our complacency to get us to make that phone call, write a letter or send an email or text to let someone know we care. I get it, I am a procrastinator par excellence.

I want to challenge you to contact a friend or family member who has been on your mind…today. Let them know you care, today. I know all to well, tomorrow may be too late.

I am thankful for the overwhelming love poured out for us during this trial.

I pray that this lesson of showing love to others is carried out in my life, for the rest of my life.

I rejoice that God is love and because of him, we are able to truly love.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as we see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:23-25

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