Posts Tagged With: widow

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk.

Posted on April 15, 2025 by tricialathrop

April 15

It’s been a tough day. I saw this picture and thought “I will not see this smile again”…at least not until I get to heaven. On the worst of my days, Norm could always make me laugh.

Sometimes I can push through, other times I am overwhelmed with sorrow. I know it is to be expected, it doesn’t make the pain any less. When you love someone, it hurts when they are gone.

I miss his presence, his laughter, his wisdom…the house is very quiet without him. I can turn on the TV or music…just not the same.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the great memories that I have of Norm. We loved each other, raised wonderful kids, and had some great adventures.

I pray for grace for myself, and that I will extend grace to others.

I rejoice that God is faithful. He has a plan. I can trust Him to do what is best, and to walk me through the path He has laid out before me.

Where’s the joy? Great memories.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on April 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

April 11

This is tough. I know I’ve said that before, and I knew it would be hard…but wow! It’s as if a part of me is missing. I took Norm’s presence for granted…his encouragements, his jokes, even the things that aggravated me…what I wouldn’t give for one more day…

The last two days I’ve done what was necessary, nothing more. The tears come at unexpected times.

I think I’ve contacted everyone I need to regarding Norm’s passing. There are still a few calls for subscriptions and credit cards, but those are not essential. I’m waiting for a few more papers that will need to be filled out, and copies of the death certificate sent.

Bills are coming in from his hospital stays and treatments. Norm always said that a person’s medical expenses are higher at the end of life than for all the years before. I don’t know how someone manages to pay those bills without insurance. I know a mega bill for the hospital stay is yet to come. I spoke to the insurance and a number of the bills are still under evaluation as to how much they will pay.

I don’t know if taking care of the details right after a death is a blessing or a curse. On one hand, it takes the focus off the loss, providing an activity that gives a momentary escape from grieving. On the other hand, the frustration of having to act quickly, finding phone numbers and filling out papers takes the focus off the loss making it difficult to grieve.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that we have insurance, it doesn’t pay all, but it does pay some and every little bit helps.

I pray for wisdom and guidance as I walk the path before me.

I rejoice that God has all this in His hand. He knows my future. He knows every struggle that will come my way. He knows that I will have successes and failures. He has a plan for my life that is far better than I can see at this time.

Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.

This I recall to miming, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentation 3:19-26

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on April 9, 2025 by tricialathrop

April 9

It’s been a little over a month since I said my final “I love you” to Norm. It seems far longer.

Yesterday as I returned from Savannah, GPS took me off the main highway due to road construction on I-40. Every turn reminded me of traveling through the hills with Norm and stopping for lunch at a local diner in the small towns. I drove through Maggie Valley and over Newfound Gap and remembered watching the elk that had gathered in each place and seeing Norm’s joy as he tried to take the perfect picture. He always hoped for that iconic shot of two male elk fighting it out…usually after a few bellows, one will run away.

When I got home, I started going through some things. I would start to ask Norm a question, and realize he wasn’t there.

I’d start to ask if he wanted to go do something, but he wasn’t there.

I dozed off and when I awoke, looked for Norm, but he wasn’t there.

I thought of something funny to tell him, about what Sierra and Sawyer had done, but he wasn’t there.

We had over 44 years together…but now, he’s not here. This is hard, but it is my new reality.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the years we had together and the memories that I will have for the rest of my life.

I pray for strength and wisdom to walk this path, realizing that I I will walk some of it alone, but I need to make sure I don’t isolate myself.

I rejoice that while people will leave, God will never forsake us. He promises to be with us always.

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. “For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Isaiah 43:1–3

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on April 4, 2025 by tricialathrop

April 3

We are coming up on a month since Norm passed. The celebration of life is completed. Aimee left two precious joys with me for a few days. They are keeping me busy.

Last night, Sawyer awoke, crying for his mommy. At first I tried to soothe him, but then I just joined him in the tears. How will I do this?

I have a number of widow friends, encouraging me…by just telling me they are praying. They’ve walked this path, some of them a couple of times. The only path is through the grief, embracing the love that grief reveals, and loving those who are still walking this earthly road.

At one point during Norm’s cancer and treatment, he said, “Everything has been taken away from me…except love. I still have God’s love, the love of my wife and children, the love of family and friends. The love they have for me does not depend on what I can do for them. Right now, I can do nothing except be a burden and they still love me.”

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.
By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.
Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.

We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
We love, because He first loved us.

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.
And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.

1 John 4:7–21

Where is the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends who continue to encourage me in this walk.

I pray for the strength and wisdom to show love to others, not only by my words but by my actions.

I rejoice that God loved us and sent Jesus Christ to enable us to enter into God’s presence without fear.

Where is the joy? It is in the love of family and friends who are there in the good times and the bad.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 26, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 25

I finally got through to Norm’s pension plan. I’ve tried to call for over a week and kept getting a busy signal. I found a number on one of the letters he had received, they gave me the number I needed. So I think I’m set, I’ll know if it all went through in a few weeks.

Then while doing taxes, I found that I needed a form from a financial company. They said click on this link to get the form. I needed an account number and a password, which I could not find. I called the number on the site. Since I didn’t have the required information, they said I needed to email another group for them to get permission to give me the form I needed…and that group said they no longer handled that particular financial issue. So…what to do?

I’ve handled our finances for quite a while. In fact, I was trying to make sure Norm knew where all the accounts and numbers and passwords were located. I thought I had what I needed for Norm’s accounts, but no. Suggestion for those of you with a spouse, make sure there is a copy of all your accounts and all passwords in a place that your spouse can find and that you have the same from your spouse.

As I deal with the financial aspect of Norm’s passing, this Saturday we will have a celebration of his life. I went through his memory box and found some high school memorabilia and some of his award photos and a newspaper article about him. I need to figure out the best way to display those…but there are a few things missing from his college days. I’ll have to see if there is another box somewhere.

It’s been a busy day, some success, some failures. Tears come at unexpected times. I miss Norm’s presence. I miss his wisdom. I know he’s in a better place, doesn’t make me miss him any less.

Where’s the joy? Not in paperwork…

I am thankful that I finally got through to Norm’s pension.

I pray for wisdom as I plan the service for Saturday, that it will honor the Lord, and celebrate the life Norm led.

I rejoice that God knows what I need and has it all under control.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

Do not worry then, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear for clothing?” For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your Heavenly Father knows that you need these things.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 23, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 22

I came to see my grandchildren, Sierra and Sawyer. It’s been seven months since I have seen them in person. We’ve done some video chats, and while that is better than nothing, nothing replaces the personal touch. One of Norm’s greatest griefs, he did not see or hug his grandchildren since he got sick.

But before that, we had them with us for a full week of fun and laughter. We were able to visit them for Sawyer’s birthday…after that, video chats only…in the last few months, video recordings from them to their Poppop.

It’s bittersweet. Each event, playtime, eating…all remind me of what they lost in their Poppop. He played with them wholeheartedly, entering their imaginative play without hesitation. He switched scenarios with them as they brought new challenges to light.

They went on bear hunts, played hospital with all the stuffed animals, managed zoos, went to school, had great adventures of every kind.

They know he is gone, I know that because not once did they ask when Poppop was coming. Their conversations of him were sweet, filled with the laughter that signified their times with Poppop.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and now flow as I consider the loss to my grandchildren of their Poppop who loved them and would do anything for them.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for all the times Sierra and Sawyer had with Poppop. They have some physical reminders, a clubhouse, a mud kitchen and a climbing wall which he built for them.

I pray for them, that they will come to know the Lord and to follow Him as Norm loved the Lord.

I rejoice that the memories are good.

Where’s the joy? It is in the laughter and joy of youth, who rejoice each day in all that life brings their way…and can always find the good in it.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives ones such child in My name receives Me;” Matthew 7:1-5

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 21, 2025 by tricialathrop

I’m a widow. In just one day I changed my demographic, no longer married…a widow.

It’s not like I’m going to run around and tell people, “I’m a widow now”. I will comment about my husband, sharing stories of our life together. But for the rest of my life on those forms we fill out ad nauseam, I will have to mark “widow”.

For some reason this realization is hitting me hard. It’s weird. It identifies me as someone who was once married, but is no longer because of death. And I’m not sure how to deal with it.

The term, widow, draws up images of “Gone With the Wind” and the Scarlett dancing in her widow’s garb. In the English movies, the widow is either a scheming bitter woman who speaks poorly about everyone, or a senseless dowager who needs constant watching.

There are some widows in the Bible. Naomi, who called herself Mara, because of bitterness, but had the grace to find provision for her widowed daughter-in-law Ruth.

The widow of Naan, for whom Jesus raised her son to life. In those days children took care of their widowed mothers and if she didn’t have that protection, she could be reduced to begging. Jesus gave her not only her son, but her provision.

Anna dwelled in the temple for 70 years as a widow, and gave witness to Jesus Christ as the Messiah alongside Simeon.

Jesus praised the widow, who in her need, gave all she had to the Lord.

The only non-widow in the women mentioned in Jesus’ genealogy was Mary, his mother. But by the time Jesus began his ministry, she was a widow.

The prophets criticized the leaders of Israel for not taking care of the widows or orphans and not hearing their causes. Jesus commented that the leadership of his day “devoured” widows houses (Mark 12:40). James tells us that caring for widows and orphans in their affliction is a part of pure and undefiled religion.

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. James 1:27

In America today, most widows are not as reliant on their children as in the past. Most have Social Security or a pension, either from their own job or their husband’s. Of course, this does not apply to all widows, some do need to rely on their children or the state for their provision and care.

Now that I am a widow, I see that I didn’t see the needs of the widows, not that I ignored them or didn’t help…I just wasn’t aware of some needs.

1 Timothy 5 gives some guidelines for caring for widows. The first responsibility falls to the family, children and grandchildren. Then it falls to the church. Younger widows were encouraged to remarry.

There are cautions mentioned: don’t be idle, don’t go from house to house just being idle, don’t become gossips or busybodies talking about things not worth mentioning. (1 Timothy 5:13)

As a widow, I am to fix my hope on God and continue in entreaties and prayers. I am to be devoted good works, showing hospitality to strangers, assisting those in distress, serving the Lord in the church, teaching the young women…all the things I should have been doing all along…

Paul also has guidelines for the widows and the single women. As an unmarried woman now, I can focus more on the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.

The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:24

I am a widow, and in that role I have some responsibilities before the Lord. It should be interesting to see where this path takes me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the people who have rallied around me during this time of grieving and readjustment.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk in the path that the Lord has set before me.

I rejoice that God cares for those who are needy and somewhat helpless, so much so that he calls his people to care for the broken and hurting.

Where’s the joy? The Lord continues to have a purpose for my life and will reveal his plan as I seek His face.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 15, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 14

I went through some of Norm’s items. I’m finally unpacking what I brought home from the hospital. It reminded me of what a roller coaster the last five weeks have been. It not only held items for his hospital stay, but also clothes for him to wear when he came home.

Sometimes, it’s as if he’s just away on one of his camping trips, at any minute he could walk through the door…but then, the reality of his being gone hits. Lunch with a friend and a few card games with my nephew provided some distraction, but the reality is always with me.

The memories are all good. I know there were times Norm frustrated me, but what I wouldn’t give to have him back, even on the most frustrating of days.

I’m preparing for his Celebration of his life. I love looking at it that way instead of as a memorial or funeral. He blessed a lot of people. His photos took people to places they could not go on their own. His storytelling never failed to entertain. He could talk to anyone about pretty much anything, his knowledge covered a number of topics.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the extra four months with Norm that the Lord gave to me through the effort of several doctors.

I pray for wisdom and courage as I walk this path.

I rejoice that God gives us memories to enjoy and to share with others.

Where’s the joy? It’s in sharing the stories, not only of Norm, but of what God has done.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:3-8

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 13, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 13

One week ago my world turned upside down. Only a week, it seems so much longer.

Robert and I will go to the funeral home today to witness the cremation. My heart is breaking. How can I do this? From what I understand, we don’t have to watch the cremation, I just felt it was important for me to be there…one last goodby.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that this is not really the end for Norm, I will see him again.

I pray for the strength to make it through today.

I rejoice…rejoicing today a bit tough, but God is faithful.

Where’s the joy? Robert stayed longer than he had planned, so he can go with me.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 11

The last few days have been busy with phone calls, texts and funeral arrangements. My children went with me to the funeral home to make some decisions. It’s just hard.

On one hand, I feel like I’ll be heading to the hospital at any time to pick him up and bring him home. And then I realize he’s not here anymore. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it when the kids all leave. Right now, the kids are a distraction and they want things to do to take their minds off the hole that is left in our lives.

I’m still a bit numb and emotionally spent all at the same time.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my children who have come to stay with me and help me through these first few days.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road. I know there will be ups and downs, I’d like peace in the midst of it all.

I rejoice that Jesus Christ died and rose again so that we do not have to suffer a permanent death, but will be with Him one day.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; my should thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You, so I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

Psalm 63:1-4

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