Posts Tagged With: widow

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 15, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 15

Widowhood, it’s a lonely existence.

Sure I have family and friends around, but they have their own lives to live and those lives don’t revolve around me. I come home to an empty house where the silence can be deafening. No sound of Norm’s laughter. No one to share what happened during the day. I can see why people sometimes get married pretty quickly. When one is used to another body in the house for 45 years, it’s an adjustment.

I lived alone for a year before marrying Norm. Then I had a job, I had friends, we went out at night. I came home to peace and quiet where I could reboot. But after 45 years of day after day having someone around, it’s not easy going back to a single existence.

I remember when Norm retired and he was home 24-7-365…that was an adjustment. When someone else is in the house, I had to consider him in my plans, keep him posted, invite him along…but then he got his own things going. He would go for a day to take pictures, or he would go camping. And I enjoyed those days of freedom because they were short, and he would be back soon.

But now, he won’t be home in hours or days. This is an open ended solo existence and I’m trying to figure out how to do this.

At first there were a lot of things that needed to be done that took my time and energy. Friends and family stayed close and connected. But now the big things are done and friends and family have returned to their own lives…not to say they don’t check on me and spend time with me, they do…but it’s not as much as at first and that is as it should be.

I realize I’m not alone. I have friends and family who love me and care for me. I know that God is with me even in my deepest sorrow.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends, this would be even more lonely without them.

I pray for grace to walk this walk with hope in my heart and an eye for others who may be lonely.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of God, who has provided for me in ways I never expected.

Where’s the joy? Every day God provides for my needs, spiritual, physical and emotional.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 11

I’ve been sorting and packing up Norm’s computer gaming gear. I have his photos on discs, thanks to my kids. I haven’t looked at those yet, thousands to sort through. It will take time and more emotional stamina than I have right now.

Going through Norm’s things is an emotional process that I don’t want to do, but necessary.

I’m finished traveling for a few months. There is a lot to be done and I am so good at procrastinating. Little by little I’m coming out of the fog. Each day I’m trying to do at least one thing to move forward.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories I have with Norm. We had a good 45 years together, a lot of fun along with a few struggles. I am glad for the sorrow I feel for it reminds me of the love we had.

I pray for courage to move forward and emotional stamina to endure the pain from losing Norm.

I rejoice that whatever comes my way, God will be with me and will take care of me…even when I don’t see His hand at work.

Where’s the joy? Norm is walking with the Lord in His garden, no more pain and no more suffering.

Revelation 21:1–7 (NASB95): The New Heaven and Earth
1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea.
2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them,
4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”
5 And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”
6 Then He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.
7 “He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 1, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 1

A friend told me that I was keeping very busy, avoiding the grieving of my loss. She did the same after her husband passed but the grief will not be denied. It comes.

Yes, I am. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced. I awaken every day hoping the nightmare is over and Norm is already up, planning our next adventure. But he is off exploring all that heaven has to offer.

Not that all I’m doing to keep busy is bad…lunch with friends, golf with my nephews, trips with family…all good things and beneficial to my life moving forward. However, the electronic dopamine induced stupor from TV and gaming…not so beneficial.

We all grieve differently and on our own time tables. The process is challenging, sometimes frightening, and beyond our own ability. We need friends and family to walk beside us, to give us freedom to grieve and time to heal. But we also need that nudge that coaxes us out of our denial so that we don’t continue to dwell in an unhealthy hiding place, such as my electronic dopamine stupor.

I found a plaque the other day, and if I see it again I’ll get it. A quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Success is not in crops gathered but in seeds planted.”

There are small steps I can take, like removing a particularly time consuming game from my iPad, and setting up a workable schedule for writing.

He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.

As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.  (Ecclesiastes 11:4–6, ESV)

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends who walk with me.
I pray that I will be faithful to take those steps which will allow me to heal and that I will be planting seeds of hope and encouragement.
I rejoice that God remains faithful and that He has not left me to walk this path alone.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the hope found in the people around me.

To those of you who are praying for me and encouraging me, thank you!

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on July 25, 2025 by tricialathrop

July 24

I keep hoping this is all a bad dream and I will awaken to find Norm still with me.

I drove to Waterrock Knob where we spread his ashes. Unlike that morning, the fog had lifted and I could see the mountains.

Where’s the joy? Some days are tougher than others and it’s difficult to be joyful.

I am thankful for the promises of God which He will keep regardless of how I feel.

I pray for courage to walk each day, remembering that God has a plan for my life moving forward.

I rejoice in the Lord God, for all my hope is in Him.

Where’s the joy? It is found in Christ, regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes it comes easily, other times, it is a choice.

Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on July 22, 2025 by tricialathrop

July 20

“Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.” We used to sing that in the Girl Scouts.

The last week, so that I wasn’t home on Norm’s birthday, I traveled to PA to Montrose Christian Writer’s Conference. I used to attend when we lived in NY. I haven’t been for the last 9 years because they changed the dates to correspond with Norm’s birthday…and I wanted to go on trips to celebrate with him.

It had been a long time, and some of those I remember were not there due to illness. A few keep tabs on Facebook and spoke of Norm and how they enjoyed his photos. I made some new friends and enjoyed hearing of their writing projects. It was and continues to be a place where a writer can receive encouragement, teaching and challenges.

Someone wrote me a beautiful note of encouragement, signed with initials that I did not recognize. Even though I don’t know who it was from, it is a note I will keep to read again when I need encouragement.

After the conference, I headed on up to Clifton Park to see friends from the church we attended. They had faithfully prayed for Norm and encouraged us along the way. I met with a few one on one, but was able to greet and worship with a number of them.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for friends, old and new. They bless my life with camaraderie and encouragement. I feel their support each day.

I pray that I will be an encouragement to those within my sphere of influence.

I rejoice that God provides what is needed for us to not only survive, but to thrive as we walk with one another on this earth.

Where’s the joy? No surprise, friends, old and new.

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus, so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.

Romans 15:4-7

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on July 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

J

THE UNBIDDEN TEAR

The song, the photo, the kind look

It’s the small things,

And my heart is squeezed by a vise

And the tear falls.

The holidays, the anniversary, the birthday

I’m steeled to make it through the day

But a memory rips through my heart like an eagle’s talon

And the tear falls

Hearing a joke I want to share

Turning to him, but he isn’t there

A dark cloud of loneliness seeps into my heart

And the tear falls.

Sorting through his things

What to keep? What to give away?

Each memory pierces through the wall I’ve built

And the tear falls.

The memories are good. 

Friends and family stand near

The love of the Lord envelops me in a warm hug

And still, the tear falls.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for all the memories of Norm, even though right now they evoke tears, they are good memories.

I pray for my friends who have cancer or are walking through cancer with a loved one. Carol and Mark, Carl and Paula, Don and Darlene, Mark and Kym, Donna and Dan

I rejoice that God’s love remains, at times it takes everything within us to stand in that love…and He remains faithful to us through it all.

Where’s the joy? My great-nephews and I have a mini golf challenge going for the summer. They get me out of the house for a day of fun.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. 

He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. 

On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. 

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah 

Ps 62:5–8.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on July 6, 2025 by tricialathrop

July 6

This has been an unexpectedly tough week. It started with a cancer scare of my own. I had to go back for a rescan…I’m fine…but for a few days I lived with the uncertainty of my future. My main concern, how to tell my kids if it required chemo…another concern, how to face it without Norm…but all that is moot, no big deal and no treatment needed.

Four months ago I said goodbye to Norm…it seems so much longer and yet each day I awake, having to remind myself that he is not here. The little things, the everyday remind me of what I have lost. Some days are harder than others.

I was trying to figure out why this week has been particularly tough. I think it’s that July of 2024 was the last month that Norm was somewhat his normal self. He got aggravated easier, but still had the energy to hike and take pictures and to spend time with the grands. We didn’t know anything was wrong.

We did the usual fun things for July. The fireworks with the Knoxville Symphony on the 4th, then his birthday vacation to Colorado. Always, we made plans for the future, where we would go.

We took care of Sierra and Sawyer for a week, they love their Poppop. He didn’t have as much energy as usual with them, but I didn’t think it was anything serious.

Perhaps that’s my issue…I didn’t see how seriously ill he was until it was too late. Logically I know that there was no way for me to know, but emotions aren’t logical.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the good memories I have and that Norm had a really good week with Sierra and Sawyer before the illness overcame his energy.

I pray for those walking in illness and the caregivers, for strength and wisdom and times of joy in the midst of the pain.

I rejoice that God is faithful even more than we can comprehend.

Where’s the joy? It comes as I rest in the hope that God provides and turn to Him for comfort in the midst of the sorrow.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:1–18

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 24, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 23

June 21 would have been our 45th anniversary. I didn’t want to be home, so decided I wanted a place where I can view the ocean, go out the backdoor and be at the beach within 100 yards. So I found a place in Hilton Head and came.

I have a beautiful view, a nice ocean breeze, and shade enough of the day to make the balcony comfortable.

Aimee, Sierra and Sawyer came to spend the day with me so I wouldn’t be alone.

First thing in the morning, before they arrived, I went out to walk along the shoreline, allowing the waves to wash against my ankles, and occasionally having to wade through a tidal pool as the tide receded.

It reminded me of a visit to Hawaii…where Norm and I considered going for our 45th. I came with the girls, and would call Norm from my morning walk on the beach. He joked about not being able to come on the girl’s trip, and teased me about teasing him with my morning beach walk.

He came to the ocean or on cruises because I enjoyed them. I went to the mountains and off roading because he enjoyed them. We had our preferences, but shared each other’s joys.

When he came to the beach he would often take pictures of pelicans. He tried to catch them in their dive. But he had a number of photos of them just soaring above the water.

On our anniversary, there were not just a few pelicans, but flocks of them that flew over all day. It seemed that they were on parade above us. I saw it as a God-wink, God letting me know in abundance that he had his eye on me. Since then, I’ve seen a few and only solo or in pairs, not a flock flying overhead.

So, for those of you praying because you knew it would be a tough day. Thank you. I cried, but overall it was a good day. God remains faithful.

And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

Isaiah 58:11

I am thankful that God gave me a God-wink, a reminder that He has his eye and his hand on my life.

I pray for wisdom as I walk this path, that I will be able to share with others the hope that is in Jesus Christ.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? God has given me good memories. We had a great 45 years.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 20, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 20

Tough week! Started with spreading Norm’s ashes at an overlook on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Followed by daily turning to speak to Norm and realizing he’s not here.

Then yesterday I went to get my mammogram and bone density tests. Those took place in the place where Norm had his final pet scan that showed that the cancer was mostly gone and the treatment was working. Then the receptionist asked if I was married…not anymore, widow. She came from behind the desk to give me a hug…I couldn’t hold the tears back.

Tomorrow would have been our 45th anniversary. Pre cancer we had plans to return to Hawaii. My girls and grands are coming to spend some time with me tomorrow, so I don’t have to face it alone.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories that I have with Norm, and that I miss him. How sad to not miss the one you love.

I pray for courage for the next few days, and for wisdom to walk this path I did not choose.

I rejoice that God provides all I need, sometimes before I realize what I need.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the memories, lots of good memories.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 16

Yesterday we scattered Norm’s ashes at Water Rock Knob on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Norm enjoyed the drive on that road. Pre cancer, he would go every couple of weeks to hike and take pictures. It seemed appropriate to spread his ashes where he loved to be.

We arrived shortly after sunrise, but there was no view due to the early morning fog and mist. While a spectacular view would have been nice, a misty day fit my heart. And Norm never minded the fog, he could find something to photograph and make it look awesome.

It was harder than I expected…even though I’m not sure what I expected. It felt final. I don’t know how to deal with that feeling.

My children, Jennifer, Aimee and Robert came along with my grandchildren, Sierra and Sawyer and Jennifer’s boyfriend, Ideen. His brother Brian came. My sister came with her boyfriend, Jim. All of them had a special relationship with Norm.

After the emotional morning, we went out for breakfast, Norm’s favorite eat out meal. Then we went to play miniature golf, our family tradition at all events, followed by ice cream. Great memories.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the life of love and joy that I had with Norm. He was a great husband and friend.

I pray for wisdom as I continue to walk this path I would not have chosen.

I rejoice that Norm touched so many lives with his unique view of life, his stories and his photos.

Where’s the joy? This week it is all in the memories.

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