it’s been an uneventful week. I’m still working on getting caught up on paperwork, cleaning the house, sorting through Norm’s things and trying to make sure I visit with friends.
I went to church on Sunday. In the last nine months I’ve only gone a few times. Being able to watch the service on the computer has a down side, it gets easy to stay home and not attend in person. Once the habit is broken, it takes effort to return to sanctuary and worship with the congregation.
It was too easy to stay home. I had to decide to go, no excuses. At every step of getting ready, I had to say, “I’m going to church today.” As I got closer to the church, the tears began to fall and would not stop. In the parking lot, I sat for a few minutes to compose myself and dry my tears.
I was greeted by Esther, a woman who has walked the road of widowhood before me. She gave me a hug and said, “I don’t want to make you cry, but I want to give you a hug.” Being alone, one doesn’t realize how much a daily hug is missed. Tears came to my eyes, but didn’t fall.
As we began to sing, I couldn’t help but cry. All the songs dealt with Jesus being the anchor of our souls and lives. One song in particular mentioned the phrase “You are not alone.” Each day I live in a world where I am alone, and yet I am not alone. Sometimes I couldn’t sing because of the tears, some songs I could sing and worship with the congregation. it’s not the same to sing at home with the online recording.
I need to stay in community with my church.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:23-25
I am thankful for my church which has been a big support over the last nine months, even when I haven’t shown up.
I pray for some friends who are struggling with cancer. Don, who had an operation today to remove the cancer, hopefully resulting in healing and no more need for treatment. Donna, getting ready for her final round of chemo. And Mark, who has a cancer that cannot be treated by traditional means. The Lord continues to hold each of them in his hand, and has a plan for them, even through this struggle.
I rejoice that Christ remains my anchor when everything else is out of control.
I took care of some things that I put off due to Norm’s illness and treatment. They came and repaired our roof, so it doesn’t leak anymore. I got one cataract removed and I’m amazed at how well I can see out of that eye, next eye in three weeks. Visited the dermatologist, all clear.
I took care of things that needed to be done after Norm’s death. I called the hospital billing, it seems that insurance has covered all the hospital stays. I’m getting bills from the doctors, paying them as they come. Sometimes the insurance pays, and sometimes not. Called Norm’s insurance to make sure I get the information they send…it’s been going to his email. I saw our lawyer to make sure I have all the bases covered, so far so good.
It’s going to take a long time to sort through Norm’s things: Photography equipment, camping gear, woodworking tools, his action figures for which he created uniforms of various wars, his books, his art. What to keep? What to give away? What to sell? What to throw away? Who wants what?
I realized yesterday that our 45th anniversary is coming up. Before cancer we had talked of going back to Hawaii or Scotland, somewhere special. Will I need to be alone? Will I need to be with people? I’m thinking a hotel room with a balcony that overlooks the ocean…
Where’s the joy?
I’m thankful that things are falling into place and I’m not having to worry about finances or the house falling apart.
I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road of widowhood, that I will walk in such a way that the Lord is glorified.
I rejoice that God remains faithful.
Where’s the joy? Friends and family, especially meeting for lunch.
Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is god. It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.
Yesterday was a tough day. I missed the father of my children. I face-timed with the kids. My nephews and sister went out to lunch with me. All good things, and I had a good day.
Norm and I would have gone out for lunch and then probably driven along the Foothills Parkway. A holiday really brings home the loss…10 more months of holiday firsts without Norm. The sorrow overwhelms me and the tears fall freely.
Those who have walked this road before me say it gets better…
Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.
He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted.
But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed.
All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.
He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth.
By oppression and judgment He was taken away; And as for His generation, who considered That He was cut off out of the land of the living For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due?
His grave was assigned with wicked men, Yet He was with a rich man in His death, Because He had done no violence, Nor was there any deceit in His mouth.
But the Lord was pleased To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt offering, He will see His offspring, He will prolong His days, And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand.
As a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; By His knowledge the Righteous One, My Servant, will justify the many, As He will bear their iniquities.
Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great, And He will divide the booty with the strong; Because He poured out Himself to death, And was numbered with the transgressors; Yet He Himself bore the sin of many, And interceded for the transgressors.
I went to the dentist this week. The hygienist asked “How is your husband?” I had mentioned his battle with cancer on my last visit. I just cried and she quietly waited for me to finish.
Sometimes I face this new normal with grace and strength, and sometimes I just cry. It’s not easy to wake up each day knowing that Norm will not be here. Right now I’m trying to deal with those things that I put off due to his illness and death. Step by step.
Our roof is leaking so I called to get some estimates…and then I contacted our HOA because roofs are their responsibility unless it’s a weather issue. Their guy came out and said they could repair, but it would cause more problems. So it is being replaced this week, and I don’t have to pay for it.
I know that I’ve paid the dues for years, and this is what the HOA does by their contract. But I see this as a God-wink. He’s letting me know that He’s watching out for me. We’ll get through all the challenges yet to come, together.
Another friend died due to cancer. Linda had been a big support for Norm. She had gone through the treatments and the visits to ICU with her first bout. She encouraged Norm regularly, from a voice of experience. He accepted the encouragement from her because she knew what it was really like. After Norm’s death, evidence appeared that her cancer had returned. She and Norm are both walking in the Garden of the Lord.
As I walk this earth without Norm, I have support from family, friends and my church family. I’m not sure what God has for me in the future…none of us know. I know that He is faithful, and that He will intervene on my behalf, either directly or through those around me. I can continue to trust in Him.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the people around me who continually lift me up with encouragement and prayer.
I pray for wisdom and strength to walk the path before me in a way that brings honor to the Lord.
I rejoice that God continues to be faithful.
Where’s the joy? My family and friends who continue to remember Norm.
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-
A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace.
I just got back from a trip to see my kids and grandkids and a cruise with my sisters. I had a good time…some tears, as expected.
But I came home to silence. Norm didn’t greet me at the door with a big kiss, a bear hug, and an “I missed you.” I had no help bringing my luggage into the house. We didn’t go out to Olive Garden to share what we had done while we were absent from one another.
I miss Norm. I’m not liking this new normal.
I am thankful for the time I had with Norm, he is the love of my life.
I pray for strength and courage to walk through this new normal.
I rejoice that in spite of how I am feeling and reacting, God’s love will continue to guide and to sustain me, and give me joy in the midst of the sorrow.
Where’s the joy? Today it is in the memories.
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3
This week Norm and I had planned a celebration cruise. Chemo was supposed to be finished. He should have had eight weeks of rehab and recovery. He bought a stationary bike so that his energy and stamina would be improved.
I decided to go ahead on the cruise. My sister will be joining me.
It’s just another reminder of what I’ve lost, another step in a world without Norm…my new normal. He used to joke that he was always Norm L.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the support of family and friends.
I pray for courage to keep from isolating myself.
I rejoice that God is always with me no matter what the circumstances.
But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you, for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-3
“It is what it is.” A coping quote for me, Norm didn’t like it, considering it the sign of a fatalistic attitude. But for me, it indicated a situation that would not change, and my need to figure out how to respond despite the circumstance.
My grandson, Sawyer, told his friends, “My mommy is sad because Poppop is dead.”
It is what it is. Norm is gone from this world. That won’t change. One day I’ll see him again in heaven, but right now, I need to figure out how to respond to life. I have a new normal…well, I’m trying to figure out my new normal.
9/11…we all got a new normal. We could no longer see friends off or greet friends at the gate. We had to remove shoes and belts to go through the long lines at the airports. Some of us have been subjected to embarrassing searches in the name of security.
Covid brought a new normal. I still give people space when in a line. A negative of covid, a lot of Americans are no longer kind. Hospitals and restaurants have to remind us to be kind to the people who are serving us.
It is what it is.
How am I adjusting? Some days better than others. Today I watched a recording of our church service from several weeks ago. I will say this, that is a positive result of covid, church services on line, so that we can hear what we’ve missed.
Chris spoke about the need for singing in our worship, and just for our life in general. When we sing the Word of God, we are engaging our minds, emotions and spirit, all with that one act. it encourages and lifts us up, so that we can serve the Lord more effectively.
The sermon made me realize that I’m not singing like I used to. I think it’s a side effect of what I’ve been through these last few months…but I don’t have to stay there. I can choose to sing. I can make a conscious effort to sing and praise the Lord, despite my circumstances.
When I got in the car today, I listened to the Imperials, the first song, “Praise the Lord”…regardless of the circumstances, the Lord is faithful.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful that the Lord gave us music to encourage, challenge, and uplift us.
I pray for wisdom to walk this new normal in a way that brings honor to Him.
I rejoice that God is always faithful and worthy of all praise and honor.
Where’s the joy? There are lots of reasons to have joy…music, family and friends.
Last night I went to our Good Friday Service.I thought about the Tennebrae Service that we used to do at Grace Chapel in Clifton Park. The word tennebrae means shadows, and we would go through the last actions of Christ before his crucifixion and with each shadow, the sanctuary would get darker until there was no light. We would leave in total darkness and silence.
For our service several people would speak about each shadow. One year our pastor met me at the door and said that one of the speakers was ill and would I fill in. So I read the Scripture passage, prayed and wrote a speech. Norm talked about it years later…just because of my opening line. “Death, the final frontier.”
Matthew 26:36–42 The Garden of Gethsemane
Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to His disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.” And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? “Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” He went away again a second time and prayed, saying, “My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done.”
As I’ve gone through this time with Norm, first with his cancer and then dealing with his death, my talk a number of years ago hit on what I’m going to share now. Norm spoke to me about how he never understood about cancer. He did not realize how very painful it was, and that going through chemo, there are days one can’t rise up to do…and unless one goes through the experience, one doesn’t know.
That’s why it is important to have the support and encouragement of those who have been there. We can pray, we can sympathize, but we don’t really know unless we experience it.
I’m going through it now as a widow, my friends who have walked this road are a great encouragement…they know. I do appreciate the prayers and support of those who have not walked this road, and I would not wish this on anyone, but there’s a different compassion from those who have walked it before.
When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane and felt so weighted down by his coming crucifixion and death, he had never experienced death. He knew about death. He knew what came after death. He saw the effects of death. But he had never personally experienced death. He didn’t want to, we see that in his prayer, “If there is any other way, don’t make me go through this.”
His time on the cross did not just involve death. He took on the sins of every person who has ever lived. He took on our sins, past, present and future. He became sin for us, and took on the penalty of God’s wrath, so that we could become the righteousness of God. He, a man without sin, paid the penalty of death so that we could live eternally with God.
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21
As he took on all of our sins, he had another experience he knew about, but had never experienced. For the first time in all eternity that came before, he felt the absence of God’s presence. He cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mt 27:46)
On the cross, Jesus experienced the weight of sin, the wrath of God, the absence of God, and death. Why would he do that?
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10
Norm explained the salvation provided by Jesus on the cross in this way. Think of an excel spreadsheet where all your good words and actions are assets and your wrong words and actions are debits.
When we all face God in heaven, we will be asked to give an accounting of our words and actions. Some think that if our good outweigh the bad, then we will enter into heaven…but that’s because we don’t understand a holy God. Sin cannot be in the presence of God, and all of us have fallen short of the perfection required to get into heaven.
But God sent his son, Jesus, who lived a life without sin. He lived a perfect life, loving others and loving God with all his heart, soul and mind. When he died on the cross, he took on himself all of our imperfections, and paid the penalty of God’s wrath and death for all of us.
When we come to realize that in our own power we are not good enough to earn heaven…since perfection is required…and none of us are perfect, then if we realize that Jesus paid that penalty, his excel spreadsheet of perfection can be copied and pasted on our spreadsheet, so that when we stand before the Lord, it is Jesus’ life of perfection that is revealed to our credit. Our words and actions, both good and bad are replaced by those of Jesus. His righteousness is credited to us and we can live forever with him.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:5-11
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful that Jesus came to earth as a man and took my sins on the cross, so that I can walk with him for eternity.
I pray for wisdom and courage each day to walk in the way that Jesus walked, loving God and loving others.
I rejoice that God loved us enough to send Jesus to us.
Where’s the joy? It’s in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. For without the words and actions of Jesus, we would have no hope.
Tough week. The reality of Norm’s death hits me everyday. My friends who are widows say that it will get better…they know…they’ve been there.
I’ve started a new Bible study on hope because right now, hope is my lifeline. My hope is in God, who is my salvation. Tomorrow we celebrate, actually we remember the death of Christ on the cross. He took all our sins and all our sorrows, dying and paying the penalty for our sins and rejection of the creator God. Sunday, we celebrate His resurrection. He came to give us life, eternal life.
Because of what Christ did on the cross…I have hope. Hope that God will guide me while I remain here on earth, hope that I will see Norm again when I go to walk with God in the garden.
I read Psalm 42 today.
As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God.
Our spiritual self needs God in our lives, just as our physical self needs water. Sometimes dehydration sneaks up on us, we aren’t aware of how thirsty we are, but there will come a time when the thirst cannot be denied.
My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God. When can I go to meet with God?
God hears our prayers, He is the Living God who actively hears and sees us. he is always present even when we do not sense Him in our lives. Norm is walking with God, fully aware of who God is and how much God loves.
My tears have been my food, day and night, while men say to me, “Where is your God?”
It’s true, my tears fall down my cheeks, often unbidden, but there all the same. I’m never sure when they will overflow.
I don’t have anyone asking about God’s presence in my life. Indeed, I have a lot of encouragement from others of God’s faithfulness.
These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitudes, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
Songs of joy and festivity are not a part of my worship. Instead the worship songs bring tears to my eyes that pour down my cheeks.
Why are you downcast, o my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in god, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to weep and a time to mourn. I’m in a time of weeping that will not last forever. There will be a time when the memory brings a smile, not tears. There will be a time when the songs I sing to the Lord will be joyful, not full of sorrow. There will be a time when the pain of loss will be wrapped and sealed, occasionally breaking out with a new wave of pain, only to be resealed by love and good memories.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the 44 years I had with Norm, and I’m thankful that I miss him, it reveals he meant a lot to me.
I pray for grace as I take the time to grieve my loss.
I rejoice that Jesus Christ came to earth as a man, to die on the cross so that I can have hope in the resurrection which leads to eternal life.
Where’s the joy? My joy is in the Lord…even when the tears fall.
It’s been a tough day. I saw this picture and thought “I will not see this smile again”…at least not until I get to heaven. On the worst of my days, Norm could always make me laugh.
Sometimes I can push through, other times I am overwhelmed with sorrow. I know it is to be expected, it doesn’t make the pain any less. When you love someone, it hurts when they are gone.
I miss his presence, his laughter, his wisdom…the house is very quiet without him. I can turn on the TV or music…just not the same.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the great memories that I have of Norm. We loved each other, raised wonderful kids, and had some great adventures.
I pray for grace for myself, and that I will extend grace to others.
I rejoice that God is faithful. He has a plan. I can trust Him to do what is best, and to walk me through the path He has laid out before me.
TRICIA LATHROP 