Posts Tagged With: faith

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on November 14, 2025 by tricialathrop

November 13

Walking this path has its challenges. Some days are easier than others, I get up and out, meet with friends, accomplish things. And then other days, I get up and spend it alone, sometimes getting things done, sometimes I finish the day having nothing to show for it.

I thought I had come out of the fog, but it’s still around me. I struggle to focus on anything. I do what must be done…and some things become less essential as the day progresses.

I miss Norm. There’s a hole in my life. He was my biggest cheerleader and encourager in the ventures I took on. I didn’t realize how much I relied on his ever present support. I miss his wise suggestions. I miss having someone who listened to my ideas and asked the right questions. I miss making plans for our next adventure. I miss watching him play with Sierra and Sawyer.

Even though it’s still hard to reach out in the pain, I know that God has provided friends and family to come alongside and encourage and support me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the almost 45 years I had with Norm, the memories are good.

I pray for guidance in this walk, that I will be able to reach out not only for help, but also to be an encouragement to others.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation who loves me no matter what and will be with me every step of the way.

Where’s the joy? Tough thought today, yesterday in our Bible study we discussed the need to respond, not react. We can’t change our situation, but we can change our attitude.

This is the Psalm I read this morning, it helped to adjust my attitude.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord performs righteous deed and judgements for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the sons of Israel.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sin, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, and its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep His covenant and remember His precepts to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.

Bless the Lord, you His angels, mighty in strength, who perform His word, obeying the voice of His word!

Bless the Lord, all you His hosts, you who serve Him, doing His will.

Bless the Lord, all you works of His, in all places of His dominion;

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Psalm 103

I can choose every day to praise the Lord regardless of how I feel or what comes my way.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on November 10, 2025 by tricialathrop

November 9

Yesterday, I went with some friends to ride a pontoon boat on Tellico Lake and Tellico River. The day was beautiful, not too hot or cold, and the colors while a little past peak color, radiated with oranges and yellows.

Last year we planned to join Dan and Donna on a boat to take in the colors of the season, pre-diagnosis. Unfortunately, Norm just did not feel well and we had to cancel.

So being on the boat was a bitter-sweet experience. I enjoyed the day and the fellowship, I felt sorrow that Norm and I did not share the experience together. He would have enjoyed the day on the water and his photos would have been fantastic.

Today, still in a…not sure how to describe my mood…not really sad or pensive, but not really cheery either.

I took a drive on the Tail of the Dragon. Norm did it every year in his mustang, 11 miles of curves. It’s a dream destination of many on motorcycles and sports cars. I made sure to pull over for those going faster than me, so I didn’t hinder their joy of the ride. Norm and I once got behind an RV who was freaking out over the curves.

From there I turned onto the Foothills Parkway. I stopped at one of the turnoffs, where Norm and I would have lunch and enjoy the scenery.

The best way to describe my mood is it’s weird. Some days I do fine, some days I’m in tears and unable to focus…I come back to this, adjusting to my new normal will take time. I’m still processing how to move forward.

I am thankful for the life I had with Norm, lots of good memories.

I pray for the Lord’s grace to walk this walk.

I rejoice that God knows what’s coming my way, and He has promised to be with me through it all.

Where’s the joy? It is in the hope that Jesus provided when He came to earth to demonstrate God’s love for us.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand will save me. The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting.

Psalm 138:7-8

Foothills Parkway

Tellico

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on November 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

November 7

Things seem to go really well, then all of a sudden, a word, song or picture will cause me to tear up and sometimes full fledged sobbing. I used to look at the crying emoji which shows waterfalls falling out of the eyes and think, who cries like that? I do.

The last two weeks have been more difficult because this is when we dealt with the diagnosis and his first treatment. Scary times, but continued hope for a total restoration to health.

Now, I’m facing the holiday season without him. I really did not expect last year to be our last Thanksgiving together, our last Christmas together…but then how does one prepare for that?

I’ve made plans. My daughter will come in for Thanksgiving and we’ll go to my niece’s new home. My brother and his wife will be there, as well as my sister and her beau, along with nieces and nephews. I’ll be surrounded by family for the day.

My daughter will help me decorate for Christmas, and we’ll do some Black Friday shopping. We do a lot of people watching and go out to eat. Christmas will be spent with my children and grandchildren.

Plans are great, but can’t prevent the memories washing in like a flood. This is the price of love, I cherish the memories even though tears accompany the memories. Norm and I had a lot of fun together. I married him because he made me laugh every day.

I am thankful for the almost 45 years that I had with Norm. He was a good man with a good heart.

I pray for those of us who will be facing the holidays without a loved one. Though the days can be tough, God is able to comfort us in our grief.

I rejoice that the season ahead gives us time to consider the hope that came with the birth of Jesus Christ, the promised Messiah who loved us enough to die on the cross so that we could walk in relationship with God.

Where’s the joy? It is in the memories, both good and bad. God blessed me with my marriage to Norm.

It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High.

To declare Your loving kindness int he morning and Your faithfulness by night, with the ten-stringed lute and with the harp, with resounding music upon the lyre.

For You, O Lord, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands.

How great are Your works, O Lord! Your thoughts are very deep.

Psalm 92:1-5

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on October 4, 2025 by tricialathrop

October 4

This has been a tough week. As I pondered the cause, I realized that this was the time when it all came to a head. Norm had lesions and they said a liver biopsy was necessary.

I quit all my involvement in Bible study, choir, writing group…everything came to a halt as I did what I could to care for and encourage Norm. Everyday he seemed weaker, I felt like I was watching him die in slow motion. But it would be another month before we had an actual diagnosis.

I began to reach out to friends and family, letting them know what was happening and the prayers began to be lifted for Norm…all over the world. He was overwhelmed by the support he received, humbled by the care, even of people he did not know.

Should you find yourself or a loved one facing an unknown diagnosis that could be serious, I have a few suggestions.

  1. When you go to the doctor or specialist, have three sets of ears listening, even if one is on speaker phone. My sister suggested that and it was a great help. We would discuss what we heard and with three of us, we remembered more. My kids took great notes and made sure to share them with the ones who did not attend. if one of the three can be a medical person, even better.
  2. Ask questions. Clarify what you heard, repeat it back. If you don’t know what to ask, then say, “I don’t even know what to ask.” A good doctor will answer the common questions.
  3. If something is not happening as you had understood it, speak up. When we went in for the liver biopsy, the nurse told us they were doing a non-focal liver biopsy. We asked for clarification, they were taking a general sample from the liver, not the lesions. Fortunately, my sister knew the ropes and made the calls that got the biopsy stopped until the orders could be clarified. Too many people don’t speak up thinking they must have heard wrong, after all the doctor should know, right? Mistakes are made, if it doesn’t sound or look right, speak up.
  4. When the cancer diagnosis came, we were given a patient advocate. If that is provided for you, they are a great source of information, they know the ropes for scheduling tests and appointments. Use them.

I’m returning to those things in which I was involved. It’s tough, but I am trying to move forward and people are very supportive.

I am thankful for the family and friends who supported me and Norm during this time of trial and stress. We would not have made it without them.

I pray for wisdom and courage for the days ahead, I sometimes feel as if I’m still on the roller coaster, but God remains faithful.

I rejoice that God is my rock and my salvation. He will be with me in the good and in the bad.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the hope provided by Jesus Christ.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

Psalm 63:1-7

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 29, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 28

Some days I go along just fine, and then the pain of the loss and the ensuing loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It seems that I won’t be able to stand under the heaviness of it all.

Intellectually I can reason it all out…this is normal. It’s just a feeling that will pass, but in the midst it is a struggle. My tendency is to isolate, and that feeds the feeling of loneliness. Reaching out is difficult and runs the chance of rejection. Rejection is a strong word, people have busy lives and are not responsible for my emotional well being.

I’m learning how to walk this road and deal with the times of intense loneliness. I won’t always be able to count on family and friends, but I can always count on the Lord to help me through.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I am surrounded by family and friends who care.

I pray for courage and strength to make it through the tough times, and to remember to reach out and encourage others in their times of trial.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of God, who is with me on my loneliest days and has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

Where’s the joy? Today, I muddled through without a lot of joy. And that’s okay, I have hope for tomorrow.

But let all who take refuge in You be glad, let them ever sing for joy;

And may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.

Psalm 5:11

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 22, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 21

This time last year, Norm was itching and in pain, hardly sleeping. It took until late October to get a diagnosis, but in the meantime, we tried to figure out what was going on. Nothing we tried worked and each test meant a ten day wait for a result, which led to another test, then another, and another…it seemed endless.

Now, I’m trying to move on, not sit in the house with the curtains closed, watching endless TV and crying.

I went square dancing in Knoxville on Market Square. Norm and I went with my sister for the last few years. It’s always fun, and one doesn’t need a partner because there are a number of singles who just like to dance. Part of the evening are two waltzes. Norm would dance with me because I love to dance. He struggled with anything that involved rhythm…in second grade his teacher took away his rhythm sticks and it caused him to be hesitant to dance or even clap to music. But, he would dance with me.

They ended the night with The Tennessee Waltz, and as I watched the dancers, I cried. Norm and I went to Mighty Musical Mondays at the Tennessee Theater and the mighty Wurlitzer organ, Dave, the organist, always closed the show with the Tennessee Waltz. Norm was amazed that I knew the words and would sing along. When we danced on the square, I would sing it. But this time, the words, “my friend stole my sweetheart from me” hit home. It wasn’t a friend, but it was in the Lord’s plan to take Norm home to walk in the garden with Him.

This morning I considered staying home but went to church anyway. The first song we sang in worship was in 3/4 time, a waltz. The Lord reached out to let me know that He has me covered. He will walk with me through this time of adjustment and be with me until He takes me home to walk in the garden with Him alongside Norm.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for God’s faithfulness to remind me that He knows all that I’m going through and He has a plan.

I pray for the wisdom to walk each day, noticing the people around me who may need encouragement just to make it through the day.

I rejoice that God not only has His eye on me, He rejoices over me with singing.

Where’s the joy? It’s all around, I just need to open my eyes to see it.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the hearts of the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant to those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of the spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 10

In the last week, I feel as if I’ve turned a corner. I’m settling into my new normal. I lead a Bible study, sing in a choir, and get together with friends during the week. I can keep busy during the day, but the evenings…I miss conversing with Norm about events and future plans.

I’m still not sure what the future holds, but I’m seeing the next steps to take. I can trust that God will be faithful through it all.

I am thankful for my friends who have walked this past before me. They are very encouraging and helpful.

I pray for wisdom for the future. There are some opportunities coming up, they will be a challenge. I need wisdom for when to say yes, and when to say no.

I rejoice in the grace of the Lord that He has poured into my life, even as I walk this path.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 28, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 27

I got lost on my way to church. I decided to take the back road in to avoid a left turn across heavy traffic. The problem: when I made that decision, I was not where I needed to be. It involved an extra turn, that I did not take.

It took several miles to realize my mistake, at which time, other than returning to my decision point, I had no idea how to get to church from where I was. So I turned on the GPS and entered an area I had yet to explore.

I turned onto a road and saw a large stone wall, the type one sees around castles. And I thought, this looks intriguing. And as I drove by, I discovered a sign, Millennium Manor, and visiting hours. How could Norm and I have missed this place in our ten years living here? I looked it up, it’s a castle some man built, a place Norm and I would have visited had we known.

I’ve felt lost without Norm. I’m trying to find my direction and focus without Norm in the picture. I miss his advice, comments, his companionship on adventures…his laugh.

Surprisingly, this little side trip gave me hope. Being lost is only temporary, I can rely on the Lord to lead me in the way I need to go. And though I no longer have my partner in adventures, the adventure is not yet over for me. It’s all just going to look different.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the modern GPS, it has gotten me out of many lost situations. I am thankful that God provided a life GPS with His Word.

I pray for wisdom as I walk this new path, not only for me but for my friend Kym, who has recently become a widow.

I rejoice in God my Savior who has provided all that I need to walk with Him.

Where’s the joy? it’s the hope of the adventure yet to come.

The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.
I will bless the Lord who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Psalm 16:5–11

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 24, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 23

This week I went to the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit. Norm would have loved it. I took my nephew because I didn’t want to go alone. If it comes to your area, it is well worth the time and money.

I didn’t realize how prolific Van Gogh was. At one point I stared at the pictures and noticed that four of the sunflower pictures were the same, just using different intensities and hues. Then I noticed more where he used the same subject, but his choices of color and light intensities added interest.

Norm used to do that with his photography. He would choose a scene or a subject and photograph it from every possible angle. As he post processed them, he would choose varying saturations of light and color and produced amazing results. His desire in photography was to allow others to see and appreciate God’s creation.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the years I had with Norm and his joy in life, always so excited over his photos.

I pray for wisdom as I make choices moving forward without Norm.

I rejoice in God who has made all things.

Where’s the joy? It comes in who God is and the love He has shown.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100:1-5

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 15, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 15

Widowhood, it’s a lonely existence.

Sure I have family and friends around, but they have their own lives to live and those lives don’t revolve around me. I come home to an empty house where the silence can be deafening. No sound of Norm’s laughter. No one to share what happened during the day. I can see why people sometimes get married pretty quickly. When one is used to another body in the house for 45 years, it’s an adjustment.

I lived alone for a year before marrying Norm. Then I had a job, I had friends, we went out at night. I came home to peace and quiet where I could reboot. But after 45 years of day after day having someone around, it’s not easy going back to a single existence.

I remember when Norm retired and he was home 24-7-365…that was an adjustment. When someone else is in the house, I had to consider him in my plans, keep him posted, invite him along…but then he got his own things going. He would go for a day to take pictures, or he would go camping. And I enjoyed those days of freedom because they were short, and he would be back soon.

But now, he won’t be home in hours or days. This is an open ended solo existence and I’m trying to figure out how to do this.

At first there were a lot of things that needed to be done that took my time and energy. Friends and family stayed close and connected. But now the big things are done and friends and family have returned to their own lives…not to say they don’t check on me and spend time with me, they do…but it’s not as much as at first and that is as it should be.

I realize I’m not alone. I have friends and family who love me and care for me. I know that God is with me even in my deepest sorrow.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends, this would be even more lonely without them.

I pray for grace to walk this walk with hope in my heart and an eye for others who may be lonely.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of God, who has provided for me in ways I never expected.

Where’s the joy? Every day God provides for my needs, spiritual, physical and emotional.

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