Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on July 6, 2025 by tricialathrop

July 6

This has been an unexpectedly tough week. It started with a cancer scare of my own. I had to go back for a rescan…I’m fine…but for a few days I lived with the uncertainty of my future. My main concern, how to tell my kids if it required chemo…another concern, how to face it without Norm…but all that is moot, no big deal and no treatment needed.

Four months ago I said goodbye to Norm…it seems so much longer and yet each day I awake, having to remind myself that he is not here. The little things, the everyday remind me of what I have lost. Some days are harder than others.

I was trying to figure out why this week has been particularly tough. I think it’s that July of 2024 was the last month that Norm was somewhat his normal self. He got aggravated easier, but still had the energy to hike and take pictures and to spend time with the grands. We didn’t know anything was wrong.

We did the usual fun things for July. The fireworks with the Knoxville Symphony on the 4th, then his birthday vacation to Colorado. Always, we made plans for the future, where we would go.

We took care of Sierra and Sawyer for a week, they love their Poppop. He didn’t have as much energy as usual with them, but I didn’t think it was anything serious.

Perhaps that’s my issue…I didn’t see how seriously ill he was until it was too late. Logically I know that there was no way for me to know, but emotions aren’t logical.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the good memories I have and that Norm had a really good week with Sierra and Sawyer before the illness overcame his energy.

I pray for those walking in illness and the caregivers, for strength and wisdom and times of joy in the midst of the pain.

I rejoice that God is faithful even more than we can comprehend.

Where’s the joy? It comes as I rest in the hope that God provides and turn to Him for comfort in the midst of the sorrow.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:1–18

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on July 3, 2025 by tricialathrop

July 3

Norm’s birthday is coming up. So I’ve been thinking a lot about his last birthday. He seemed healthy, and we had a great time.

We traveled to Lake City in Colorado, a place to stay if you want to do the Alpine Loop. He rented an off-highway vehicle (OHV) and we drove on the narrow, dirt roads with multiple tight hairpin turns. He offered to let me drive, but I said no…I didn’t want to be the one to miscalculate the edge of the road and end up tumbling down the mountain. Granted, we did have roll bars, but who wants to have to use them?

July is a good time to visit. The mountain flowers can be seen in their full glory…of course it’s a brief glory, and we hit it at prime color last year.

We drove to Silverton one day, we liked to have lunch and shop there. As we left lunch, hail began to fall. We figured it would be short lived, no bad weather was expected. We watched the hail build up, looked like snow…enough to build a snowman. We still had to go back over the mountains, on those narrow roads…now covered with snow and hail. Norm took it slow and we got some beautiful pictures.

We visited an old gold mine, some ghost towns, and took a gondola ride up the side of a mountain along the Million Dollar Highway…steep, but not narrow and paved all the way. I drove that one.

We didn’t know that would be the last time. He was looking forward to talking the kids into joining us one summer.

Within a month, his health took a downturn. We didn’t suspect cancer at all…lyme disease, possibly…but not cancer. By the end of August he hardly had the strength to leave the house and it took 3 months to discover the cancer.

This is ending up being as tough as our anniversary. The memory of his strength and stamina, his joy of driving in the mountains, his joy in photography of nature…very real as I remember our trip last year.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I chose to go with him last year…one never knows when it will be the last.

I pray for those who are facing an unknown or cancer diagnosis, that they will be given the strength to endure, and some times of joy in the midst of it.

I rejoice that God gives us joyful memories, and sometimes allows the rough times to fade so that the best remains.

Where’s the joy? I have been able to enjoy some very special memories. Though they are tinged with grief, they are great memories.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
The Lord performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
The Lord has established His throne in the heavens,
And His sovereignty rules over all.
Bless the Lord, you His angels,
Mighty in strength, who perform His word,
Obeying the voice of His word!
Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,
You who serve Him, doing His will.
Bless the Lord, all you works of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Psalm 103

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 28, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 28

Some advice: If your spouse dies before you, do not take their name off the bank account for about six months. When the checks come in their name, you can deposit them if the person’s name is still on the account. Fortunately, those who sent a check have been willing to reissue a check in my name.

I had a great week at Hilton Head. My room faced the ocean, I could walk in the waves in the morning and evening, refreshing and relaxing. My daughter came with my grandkids. We had fun at the pool and the beach. My son came for a couple of days. We went to Harbor Town and played some miniature golf, as well as walking the beach. I saw my other daughter on the way home. All good.

One morning as I walked, I saw a crowd of people. Hilton Head has a turtle trot every Wednesday over the summer. A large group stood ready to run the 5K. One of the boys took off like a shot, leading the group. He won, perhaps he led the whole way.

The young man who impressed me encouraged the other runners. I watched him speak to each one as he passed them, or if they passed him. “You’re doing great. Keep going. You can do this.”

That’s who I want to be. Not out front running on my own, but in the midst of the pack, sometimes ahead, sometimes behind, but always giving words of encouragement.

I realized, that takes intentionality. It doesn’t happen naturally. I get moody. My expectations aren’t met. Life happens and my focus changes.

As I walked, I pondered how to make it happen.

  1. When I was a young mom, a couple, Wayne and Ginny Gasper, at our church wrote notes to people. Their note would always start off with, “You’ve won our prayer lottery for today. We prayed for you.” And then a note that encouraged me. An older woman, Betty Sisson, wrote notes to missionaries and those who helped at the church. Just a few minutes each day, and I can encourage at least one person a day.
  2. When Norm got ill, I stepped aside from leading a Bible Study. I am so thankful for Vickie who stepped in to lead it while I took care of Norm. She did a great job and the group continued. They’re taking the summer off, so I’m going to catch up in my own study to where they are, and begin again in the fall. Meanwhile, we will meet a few times over the summer to connect and to pray.
  3. I also stepped aside from singing in a local women’s chorus. There were more issues going on than Norm’s illness, and Norm told me not to return to that group. But, I enjoy singing at nursing homes and rehab centers, so will be joining a group that does that.
  4. And lastly, I want to be intentional about my writing. This blog has been therapy for me, and I think it has been encouraging to others. I also write Bible studies and devotionals. I’m going to a writer’s conference in a few weeks. I want to get back to attending the local Word Weavers group.

Tonight, I feel good. I’ve had some good cries yesterday and today. I’m missing Norm’s humor, his insights, his support. I know more tough days lie ahead, but right now, I feel positive about what lies ahead.

I am thankful for God’s grace and for the gift of hope that He gives each day.

I pray for the persistence to be intentional in following Christ, encouraging others and living life to the fullest.

I rejoice in the Lord who saves. Without Him, there is no hope.

Where’s the joy? It is in the Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.
Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 24, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 23

June 21 would have been our 45th anniversary. I didn’t want to be home, so decided I wanted a place where I can view the ocean, go out the backdoor and be at the beach within 100 yards. So I found a place in Hilton Head and came.

I have a beautiful view, a nice ocean breeze, and shade enough of the day to make the balcony comfortable.

Aimee, Sierra and Sawyer came to spend the day with me so I wouldn’t be alone.

First thing in the morning, before they arrived, I went out to walk along the shoreline, allowing the waves to wash against my ankles, and occasionally having to wade through a tidal pool as the tide receded.

It reminded me of a visit to Hawaii…where Norm and I considered going for our 45th. I came with the girls, and would call Norm from my morning walk on the beach. He joked about not being able to come on the girl’s trip, and teased me about teasing him with my morning beach walk.

He came to the ocean or on cruises because I enjoyed them. I went to the mountains and off roading because he enjoyed them. We had our preferences, but shared each other’s joys.

When he came to the beach he would often take pictures of pelicans. He tried to catch them in their dive. But he had a number of photos of them just soaring above the water.

On our anniversary, there were not just a few pelicans, but flocks of them that flew over all day. It seemed that they were on parade above us. I saw it as a God-wink, God letting me know in abundance that he had his eye on me. Since then, I’ve seen a few and only solo or in pairs, not a flock flying overhead.

So, for those of you praying because you knew it would be a tough day. Thank you. I cried, but overall it was a good day. God remains faithful.

And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

Isaiah 58:11

I am thankful that God gave me a God-wink, a reminder that He has his eye and his hand on my life.

I pray for wisdom as I walk this path, that I will be able to share with others the hope that is in Jesus Christ.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? God has given me good memories. We had a great 45 years.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 20, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 20

Tough week! Started with spreading Norm’s ashes at an overlook on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Followed by daily turning to speak to Norm and realizing he’s not here.

Then yesterday I went to get my mammogram and bone density tests. Those took place in the place where Norm had his final pet scan that showed that the cancer was mostly gone and the treatment was working. Then the receptionist asked if I was married…not anymore, widow. She came from behind the desk to give me a hug…I couldn’t hold the tears back.

Tomorrow would have been our 45th anniversary. Pre cancer we had plans to return to Hawaii. My girls and grands are coming to spend some time with me tomorrow, so I don’t have to face it alone.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories that I have with Norm, and that I miss him. How sad to not miss the one you love.

I pray for courage for the next few days, and for wisdom to walk this path I did not choose.

I rejoice that God provides all I need, sometimes before I realize what I need.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the memories, lots of good memories.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 16

Yesterday we scattered Norm’s ashes at Water Rock Knob on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Norm enjoyed the drive on that road. Pre cancer, he would go every couple of weeks to hike and take pictures. It seemed appropriate to spread his ashes where he loved to be.

We arrived shortly after sunrise, but there was no view due to the early morning fog and mist. While a spectacular view would have been nice, a misty day fit my heart. And Norm never minded the fog, he could find something to photograph and make it look awesome.

It was harder than I expected…even though I’m not sure what I expected. It felt final. I don’t know how to deal with that feeling.

My children, Jennifer, Aimee and Robert came along with my grandchildren, Sierra and Sawyer and Jennifer’s boyfriend, Ideen. His brother Brian came. My sister came with her boyfriend, Jim. All of them had a special relationship with Norm.

After the emotional morning, we went out for breakfast, Norm’s favorite eat out meal. Then we went to play miniature golf, our family tradition at all events, followed by ice cream. Great memories.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the life of love and joy that I had with Norm. He was a great husband and friend.

I pray for wisdom as I continue to walk this path I would not have chosen.

I rejoice that Norm touched so many lives with his unique view of life, his stories and his photos.

Where’s the joy? This week it is all in the memories.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 10

It’s only been three months, but feels much longer.

Yesterday, Norm’s college friends got together to plant two trees. One in memory of Norm, the other in memory of Linda. Like me, she joined the group post college because she fell in love with one of the friends. Linda was a later addition to the group, but made a big impact in the short time we had together.

These friends reached out often to Norm and to me with words, cards, gifts of encouragement. He began to call them his “forever friends”. Linda reached out often because she experienced and survived the same cancer as Norm, she gave him hope in the fight. Unfortunately, her cancer returned and she passed away just a few weeks after Norm.

We planted the trees on Debbie’s property, where the group has met for the last few years since Covid. It was a beautiful tribute to Norm and Linda. Lots of memories of the joy and laughter they brought to all our lives…and tears, for the loss of their joy and laughter.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for these friends of Norm who became my friends.

I pray for my family and friends, that they will come to know the grace of the Lord.

We have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:9-14

I rejoice that God provides people to walk with us on earth, to bring encouragement, joy and sometimes a challenge.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the friends and people around me, God’s gift to help me walk this path.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 9, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 8

It’s the little things that get ya.

I dreamed about Norm last night. We were enjoying talking while sitting under a lilac tree and then I was in an office having to tell them my emergency contact…not Norm…rude awakening.

All day it was the little things: Walking in the shower and not having to change the shower head. Going to the living room and not seeing Norm sitting at the computer. The conversations, the holding hands, sharing the mundane things of life…

It seems I’m moving forward and a little thing will reach out and slam me to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

I don’t like being a widow. It’s painful. It’s messy. It’s unpredictable.

Norm’s college friends are planting a tree in memory of Norm. Next weekend the kids and I will be spreading Norm’s ashes along the Blue Ridge Parkway…one of his favorite photo places. More tears expected.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories. I’ve probably put that down a lot of times, but memories are important, they remind me of the good times we had, even on days when we did nothing special.

I pray for the upcoming week of celebrating Norm, not really sure how or what to pray, but the Lord is faithful and He will give us what we need.

I rejoice that God is faithful to answer prayers, even those we don’t know we need. He arranged it so I can be at the planting of the tree.

Where’s the joy? I can rest in the fact that God is taking care of the details and providing joyful moments even in the sorrow.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! 

Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! 

Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! 

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. 

Psalm 100:1–5.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 6

I’m settling in to my new normal. Part of that normal involves memories of times with Norm…which usually brings a smile accompanied by tears. I start my mornings with an acknowledgement that Norm is not here. After almost 45 years, that’s a tough pill to swallow every morning.

But family and friends are staying close. I’ve heard that as the year continues, those calls and visits will become less. Norm’s aunt wrote a poem called “When the Calls Stop”. But I’m not there yet, so I will be grateful for the encouragement I have today.

I’ve been considering what my life looks like moving forward. What do I want to accomplish? What does the Lord have for me to do?

I think I’m ready to pick up some things I set aside to take care of Norm. I want to be intentional in what I do. We’ll see how it goes.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for family and friends who take the time to contact me, call or text, or send a card.

I pray for wisdom as I move forward, to fill my days with what is important.

I rejoice that the Lord has provided a supporting community, so that I am not walking alone.

Where’s the joy? My grandchildren, children, sisters, brother, nieces and nephews, friends, both, mine and Norm’s, my church…I have so much to be grateful for.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 1, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 1

I’m struggling. A comment by someone in the fit of anger sent me to what I call “the shadows”. It’s a place of rejection, comparisons and insecurities where I can stay for days. Norm called it my thorn in the flesh. It’s totally irrational and for a time I can’t seem to move beyond it.

As I’ve struggled this time, two things came to mind. One is an Cherokee proverb.

The Two Wolves: A Cherokee Story

A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.

The old Grandfather said to his grandson, “Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy. Hate is like taking a poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.

“It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all those around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He only fights when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But the other wolf is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper.

“He fights with everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit.”

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”

The Grandfather smiled and said, “The one I feed.”

The second thing that came to mind is a sermon on forgiveness. As Greg spoke about resentment that results from being unforgiving, he held his hands in such a way as if he was holding onto a grudge. He petted it, looked at it often, and fed it…and it seemed to grow in his hands.

Right now, I know I am emotionally compromised. Tears hover, ready to pour out at any time. This caught me totally by surprise. I thought I had dealt with the issues so that they wouldn’t submarine me…but no, here it is again.

What is it going to take to move beyond it?

Don’t feed it! Easier said than done. it’s like the comment, “Don’t think about oranges”, all one can think of then is oranges.

I’m not going to spend any more emotional time going over the situation and all possible responses…I choose to be thankful for the good. I realize that I’m emotionally compromised and overreacted, I don’t need to beat myself up over it.

The Conflict of Two Natures
For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

Romans 7:14-25

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family. Even though at times we may say or do things that are insensitive, there is a love that transcends the hurt.

I pray that I can extend grace to those around me, and that I will not feed the offenses or grudges that come my way.

I rejoice that God sent Jesus Christ so that not only can I have a relationship with Him, He also helps me to improved my relationships with those around me.

Where’s the joy? It’s in family and friends.

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