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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 10

It’s only been three months, but feels much longer.

Yesterday, Norm’s college friends got together to plant two trees. One in memory of Norm, the other in memory of Linda. Like me, she joined the group post college because she fell in love with one of the friends. Linda was a later addition to the group, but made a big impact in the short time we had together.

These friends reached out often to Norm and to me with words, cards, gifts of encouragement. He began to call them his “forever friends”. Linda reached out often because she experienced and survived the same cancer as Norm, she gave him hope in the fight. Unfortunately, her cancer returned and she passed away just a few weeks after Norm.

We planted the trees on Debbie’s property, where the group has met for the last few years since Covid. It was a beautiful tribute to Norm and Linda. Lots of memories of the joy and laughter they brought to all our lives…and tears, for the loss of their joy and laughter.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for these friends of Norm who became my friends.

I pray for my family and friends, that they will come to know the grace of the Lord.

We have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:9-14

I rejoice that God provides people to walk with us on earth, to bring encouragement, joy and sometimes a challenge.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the friends and people around me, God’s gift to help me walk this path.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 9, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 8

It’s the little things that get ya.

I dreamed about Norm last night. We were enjoying talking while sitting under a lilac tree and then I was in an office having to tell them my emergency contact…not Norm…rude awakening.

All day it was the little things: Walking in the shower and not having to change the shower head. Going to the living room and not seeing Norm sitting at the computer. The conversations, the holding hands, sharing the mundane things of life…

It seems I’m moving forward and a little thing will reach out and slam me to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

I don’t like being a widow. It’s painful. It’s messy. It’s unpredictable.

Norm’s college friends are planting a tree in memory of Norm. Next weekend the kids and I will be spreading Norm’s ashes along the Blue Ridge Parkway…one of his favorite photo places. More tears expected.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories. I’ve probably put that down a lot of times, but memories are important, they remind me of the good times we had, even on days when we did nothing special.

I pray for the upcoming week of celebrating Norm, not really sure how or what to pray, but the Lord is faithful and He will give us what we need.

I rejoice that God is faithful to answer prayers, even those we don’t know we need. He arranged it so I can be at the planting of the tree.

Where’s the joy? I can rest in the fact that God is taking care of the details and providing joyful moments even in the sorrow.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! 

Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! 

Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! 

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. 

Psalm 100:1–5.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 6

I’m settling in to my new normal. Part of that normal involves memories of times with Norm…which usually brings a smile accompanied by tears. I start my mornings with an acknowledgement that Norm is not here. After almost 45 years, that’s a tough pill to swallow every morning.

But family and friends are staying close. I’ve heard that as the year continues, those calls and visits will become less. Norm’s aunt wrote a poem called “When the Calls Stop”. But I’m not there yet, so I will be grateful for the encouragement I have today.

I’ve been considering what my life looks like moving forward. What do I want to accomplish? What does the Lord have for me to do?

I think I’m ready to pick up some things I set aside to take care of Norm. I want to be intentional in what I do. We’ll see how it goes.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for family and friends who take the time to contact me, call or text, or send a card.

I pray for wisdom as I move forward, to fill my days with what is important.

I rejoice that the Lord has provided a supporting community, so that I am not walking alone.

Where’s the joy? My grandchildren, children, sisters, brother, nieces and nephews, friends, both, mine and Norm’s, my church…I have so much to be grateful for.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on June 1, 2025 by tricialathrop

June 1

I’m struggling. A comment by someone in the fit of anger sent me to what I call “the shadows”. It’s a place of rejection, comparisons and insecurities where I can stay for days. Norm called it my thorn in the flesh. It’s totally irrational and for a time I can’t seem to move beyond it.

As I’ve struggled this time, two things came to mind. One is an Cherokee proverb.

The Two Wolves: A Cherokee Story

A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.

The old Grandfather said to his grandson, “Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy. Hate is like taking a poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.

“It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all those around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He only fights when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But the other wolf is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper.

“He fights with everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit.”

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”

The Grandfather smiled and said, “The one I feed.”

The second thing that came to mind is a sermon on forgiveness. As Greg spoke about resentment that results from being unforgiving, he held his hands in such a way as if he was holding onto a grudge. He petted it, looked at it often, and fed it…and it seemed to grow in his hands.

Right now, I know I am emotionally compromised. Tears hover, ready to pour out at any time. This caught me totally by surprise. I thought I had dealt with the issues so that they wouldn’t submarine me…but no, here it is again.

What is it going to take to move beyond it?

Don’t feed it! Easier said than done. it’s like the comment, “Don’t think about oranges”, all one can think of then is oranges.

I’m not going to spend any more emotional time going over the situation and all possible responses…I choose to be thankful for the good. I realize that I’m emotionally compromised and overreacted, I don’t need to beat myself up over it.

The Conflict of Two Natures
For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

Romans 7:14-25

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family. Even though at times we may say or do things that are insensitive, there is a love that transcends the hurt.

I pray that I can extend grace to those around me, and that I will not feed the offenses or grudges that come my way.

I rejoice that God sent Jesus Christ so that not only can I have a relationship with Him, He also helps me to improved my relationships with those around me.

Where’s the joy? It’s in family and friends.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 29, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 28

The last few days I’ve had up times and teary times. I never know from minute to minute how I’m going to respond. A kind word can have me in tears, or fill me with joy…I just don’t know. I tell myself, it’s okay, the emotional ups and downs are to be expected.

I am, for the most part, an optimist. Sometimes people refer to optimists as Pollyannas, meaning that they don’t look at life realistically. But optimism sees the truth, but chooses to believe that good can come from it, and not focus on the darker options.

I can be an optimist, and still be sad at the circumstances.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for friends and family who are there for me, good times and bad.

I pray for my friends who are going through cancer treatment. I found out one of the prayer warriors for Norm found out her husband has leukemia and is now undergoing treatment.

I rejoice that God has a good plan and is faithful to keep his promises, even if I don’t see it.

Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 27, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 26

Things seem to be going along fine, then, BAM! I’m in tears. A lot of my thoughts have dealt with what Norm and I used to do, and I have to admit, not anymore.

Yesterday I watched the Indy 500, Norm used to laugh, because I’m not a car person, and that is the only race I watch. I would keep him up on all the crashes, then he would join me in watching the last few laps. Not anymore.

For Memorial Day, we would sometimes ride on the Foothills Parkway, stopping for a picnic at one of the overlooks. Today, I decided to go to the Christmas Store in Pigeon Forge, but as I headed over, the sky looked ominous, so I decided to return home via the Foothill Parkway.

I got onto the Tail of the Dragon from the Foothills Parkway. Norm loved to drive the Tail of the Dragon in his mustang. Eleven miles of hairpin turns, lots of motorcycles and sports cars take the road. It’s so popular that they have photographers set up at some of the more popular turns. When Norm would get back from the ride, we’d check out the web site for the photographs. Not anymore.

But as hard as this is, I’m glad that Norm is not the one having to deal with the loss.

Today, I looked at some scripture dealing with hope. The focus of the scripture was the hope we have because of the unending love of God.

May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in Your Word. I know, oh Lord, that Your laws and righteous, and in faithfulness You have afflicted me.

May Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to Your promise to Your servant.

Psalm 119:74-76

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I have put my hope.

O Israel, put Your hope on the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption.

Psalm 130: 5, 7

The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. Psalm 147:11

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for family and friends who support me as I walk this path.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk faithfully with the Lord, especially in the rough times.

I rejoice that God loves us with an unfailing love. And that the Lord showed that love when He sent Jesus to earth to die on the cross for us, creating a bridge for us to have a good relationship with God, the Father.

Where’s the joy? it’s in the unfailing love of God, that never goes away.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 22, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 21

it’s been an uneventful week. I’m still working on getting caught up on paperwork, cleaning the house, sorting through Norm’s things and trying to make sure I visit with friends.

I went to church on Sunday. In the last nine months I’ve only gone a few times. Being able to watch the service on the computer has a down side, it gets easy to stay home and not attend in person. Once the habit is broken, it takes effort to return to sanctuary and worship with the congregation.

It was too easy to stay home. I had to decide to go, no excuses. At every step of getting ready, I had to say, “I’m going to church today.” As I got closer to the church, the tears began to fall and would not stop. In the parking lot, I sat for a few minutes to compose myself and dry my tears.

I was greeted by Esther, a woman who has walked the road of widowhood before me. She gave me a hug and said, “I don’t want to make you cry, but I want to give you a hug.” Being alone, one doesn’t realize how much a daily hug is missed. Tears came to my eyes, but didn’t fall.

As we began to sing, I couldn’t help but cry. All the songs dealt with Jesus being the anchor of our souls and lives. One song in particular mentioned the phrase “You are not alone.” Each day I live in a world where I am alone, and yet I am not alone. Sometimes I couldn’t sing because of the tears, some songs I could sing and worship with the congregation. it’s not the same to sing at home with the online recording.

I need to stay in community with my church.


Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:23-25

I am thankful for my church which has been a big support over the last nine months, even when I haven’t shown up.

I pray for some friends who are struggling with cancer. Don, who had an operation today to remove the cancer, hopefully resulting in healing and no more need for treatment. Donna, getting ready for her final round of chemo. And Mark, who has a cancer that cannot be treated by traditional means. The Lord continues to hold each of them in his hand, and has a plan for them, even through this struggle.

I rejoice that Christ remains my anchor when everything else is out of control.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 16

I kept busy, but the tears flowed often.

I took care of some things that I put off due to Norm’s illness and treatment. They came and repaired our roof, so it doesn’t leak anymore. I got one cataract removed and I’m amazed at how well I can see out of that eye, next eye in three weeks. Visited the dermatologist, all clear.

I took care of things that needed to be done after Norm’s death. I called the hospital billing, it seems that insurance has covered all the hospital stays. I’m getting bills from the doctors, paying them as they come. Sometimes the insurance pays, and sometimes not. Called Norm’s insurance to make sure I get the information they send…it’s been going to his email. I saw our lawyer to make sure I have all the bases covered, so far so good.

It’s going to take a long time to sort through Norm’s things: Photography equipment, camping gear, woodworking tools, his action figures for which he created uniforms of various wars, his books, his art. What to keep? What to give away? What to sell? What to throw away? Who wants what?

I realized yesterday that our 45th anniversary is coming up. Before cancer we had talked of going back to Hawaii or Scotland, somewhere special. Will I need to be alone? Will I need to be with people? I’m thinking a hotel room with a balcony that overlooks the ocean…

Where’s the joy?

I’m thankful that things are falling into place and I’m not having to worry about finances or the house falling apart.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road of widowhood, that I will walk in such a way that the Lord is glorified.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? Friends and family, especially meeting for lunch.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.

Know that the Lord Himself is god. It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.

For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 14, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 14

Yesterday was full of regrets. I could have gone on more of Norm’s photography trips. I could have made the effort to tell him how much he meant to me. I could have been kinder and paid more attention when he first talked of his symptoms…in my defense, he was a bit of a hypochondriac.

I’ve heard that this is part of grieving, looking at what I could have/should have done. There’s no way to go back and change the past, but perhaps it will help me as I deal with family and friends moving forward…to let them know I care, to give the thanks and the approval as it happens.

People have told me their loved ones have come to them in dreams…usually a good thing. Norm appeared in my dream last night, alive. Usually if it’s a dream about him, it’s me dealing with his death. Last night, he was alive. Instead of an encouraging word of love and care, he gave me a list of how I had failed him. I know that was just a reflection of my thoughts yesterday being reviewed in my dream, but still, it was kind of a bummer.

As I thought about my dream, I started laughing. Norm was good at making me laugh. That was so not Norm…at least not who he was before the cancer changed his personality to a bitter, angry old man. The treatments gave me back my husband for a few months with jokes and laughter, celebrating the small successes as he battled cancer. We made plans for trips to France, Egypt, a cruise or two, going back to the Alpine Highway in Colorado…hopeful days in the midst of the turmoil of cancer.

Are there regrets? We all have them. Moving forward? Forgiveness and do better with those still on this earth.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the extra months I had with Norm where he was his funny, sarcastic self.

I pray for words of encouragement and affirming to give to those around me, and asking forgiveness when appropriate.

I rejoice that God’s forgiveness is always available to us when we ask. He knows our weaknesses more than we know our own.

Where’s the joy? I married Norm because he made me laugh…Memories of Norm will still make me laugh.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32.

I know all to well, you never know when it will be your last opportunity to be kind…

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on May 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

May 12

Yesterday was a tough day. I missed the father of my children. I face-timed with the kids. My nephews and sister went out to lunch with me. All good things, and I had a good day.

Norm and I would have gone out for lunch and then probably driven along the Foothills Parkway. A holiday really brings home the loss…10 more months of holiday firsts without Norm. The sorrow overwhelms me and the tears fall freely.

Those who have walked this road before me say it gets better…

Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? 

For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him. 

He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. 

But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. 

All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him. 

He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth. 

By oppression and judgment He was taken away; And as for His generation, who considered That He was cut off out of the land of the living For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due? 

His grave was assigned with wicked men, Yet He was with a rich man in His death, Because He had done no violence, Nor was there any deceit in His mouth. 

But the Lord was pleased To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt offering, He will see His offspring, He will prolong His days, And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand. 

As a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; By His knowledge the Righteous One, My Servant, will justify the many, As He will bear their iniquities. 

Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great, And He will divide the booty with the strong; Because He poured out Himself to death, And was numbered with the transgressors; Yet He Himself bore the sin of many, And interceded for the transgressors. 

Isaiah 53:1–12.

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