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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on October 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

October 10

I’ve struggled this whole week with feeling overwhelmed. It reached a point of paralysis, where I didn’t have the mindset or the energy to do anything. I’ve got a lot on my plate, and I found myself unable to move forward.

This morning during my quiet time with the Lord, I wrote in my journal that I was edgy and not at peace. I needed hope. I read Psalm 70 in which David wrote, “I am afflicted and needy.”

The middle of the Psalm deals with David praying against the enemies that humiliated and shamed him. I thought, I don’t have enemies other than my own pride and procrastination, but those very things hold me back, causing shame when I think I’ve failed, and keep me from moving forward.

But the rest of the Psalm, the request for help from God, knowing that God is my help and my deliverer, ended with the plea, “Do not delay.”

I listened to a book last week, “The Power of Writing It Down” by Allison Fallon. So I decided to write down what had me stressed. I found that by writing it out, it wasn’t quite as overwhelming as I had thought. While it’s a lot, it’s manageable.

So once again, the Lord gave me what I needed before I knew the need.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that God remains faithful to me and always provides what I need.

I pray for a heart to glorify God in all that I say and do.

I rejoice that He is my salvation, my fortress and my deliverer.

Where’s the joy? It’s in knowing that God is always there, even when I’m stressed and feeling sorry for myself.

O God, hasten to deliver me; O Lord, hasten to my help.

Let those be ashamed and humiliated who seek my life; Let those be turned back and dishonored who delight in my hurt.

Let those be turned back because of their shame, who say “Aha, aha!”

Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; And let those who love Your salvation say continually, “Let God be magnified.”

But I am afflicted and needy; hasten to me O God!

You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.

Psalm 70

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on October 4, 2025 by tricialathrop

October 4

This has been a tough week. As I pondered the cause, I realized that this was the time when it all came to a head. Norm had lesions and they said a liver biopsy was necessary.

I quit all my involvement in Bible study, choir, writing group…everything came to a halt as I did what I could to care for and encourage Norm. Everyday he seemed weaker, I felt like I was watching him die in slow motion. But it would be another month before we had an actual diagnosis.

I began to reach out to friends and family, letting them know what was happening and the prayers began to be lifted for Norm…all over the world. He was overwhelmed by the support he received, humbled by the care, even of people he did not know.

Should you find yourself or a loved one facing an unknown diagnosis that could be serious, I have a few suggestions.

  1. When you go to the doctor or specialist, have three sets of ears listening, even if one is on speaker phone. My sister suggested that and it was a great help. We would discuss what we heard and with three of us, we remembered more. My kids took great notes and made sure to share them with the ones who did not attend. if one of the three can be a medical person, even better.
  2. Ask questions. Clarify what you heard, repeat it back. If you don’t know what to ask, then say, “I don’t even know what to ask.” A good doctor will answer the common questions.
  3. If something is not happening as you had understood it, speak up. When we went in for the liver biopsy, the nurse told us they were doing a non-focal liver biopsy. We asked for clarification, they were taking a general sample from the liver, not the lesions. Fortunately, my sister knew the ropes and made the calls that got the biopsy stopped until the orders could be clarified. Too many people don’t speak up thinking they must have heard wrong, after all the doctor should know, right? Mistakes are made, if it doesn’t sound or look right, speak up.
  4. When the cancer diagnosis came, we were given a patient advocate. If that is provided for you, they are a great source of information, they know the ropes for scheduling tests and appointments. Use them.

I’m returning to those things in which I was involved. It’s tough, but I am trying to move forward and people are very supportive.

I am thankful for the family and friends who supported me and Norm during this time of trial and stress. We would not have made it without them.

I pray for wisdom and courage for the days ahead, I sometimes feel as if I’m still on the roller coaster, but God remains faithful.

I rejoice that God is my rock and my salvation. He will be with me in the good and in the bad.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the hope provided by Jesus Christ.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

Psalm 63:1-7

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 29, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 28

Some days I go along just fine, and then the pain of the loss and the ensuing loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. It seems that I won’t be able to stand under the heaviness of it all.

Intellectually I can reason it all out…this is normal. It’s just a feeling that will pass, but in the midst it is a struggle. My tendency is to isolate, and that feeds the feeling of loneliness. Reaching out is difficult and runs the chance of rejection. Rejection is a strong word, people have busy lives and are not responsible for my emotional well being.

I’m learning how to walk this road and deal with the times of intense loneliness. I won’t always be able to count on family and friends, but I can always count on the Lord to help me through.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that I am surrounded by family and friends who care.

I pray for courage and strength to make it through the tough times, and to remember to reach out and encourage others in their times of trial.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of God, who is with me on my loneliest days and has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

Where’s the joy? Today, I muddled through without a lot of joy. And that’s okay, I have hope for tomorrow.

But let all who take refuge in You be glad, let them ever sing for joy;

And may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.

Psalm 5:11

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 22, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 21

This time last year, Norm was itching and in pain, hardly sleeping. It took until late October to get a diagnosis, but in the meantime, we tried to figure out what was going on. Nothing we tried worked and each test meant a ten day wait for a result, which led to another test, then another, and another…it seemed endless.

Now, I’m trying to move on, not sit in the house with the curtains closed, watching endless TV and crying.

I went square dancing in Knoxville on Market Square. Norm and I went with my sister for the last few years. It’s always fun, and one doesn’t need a partner because there are a number of singles who just like to dance. Part of the evening are two waltzes. Norm would dance with me because I love to dance. He struggled with anything that involved rhythm…in second grade his teacher took away his rhythm sticks and it caused him to be hesitant to dance or even clap to music. But, he would dance with me.

They ended the night with The Tennessee Waltz, and as I watched the dancers, I cried. Norm and I went to Mighty Musical Mondays at the Tennessee Theater and the mighty Wurlitzer organ, Dave, the organist, always closed the show with the Tennessee Waltz. Norm was amazed that I knew the words and would sing along. When we danced on the square, I would sing it. But this time, the words, “my friend stole my sweetheart from me” hit home. It wasn’t a friend, but it was in the Lord’s plan to take Norm home to walk in the garden with Him.

This morning I considered staying home but went to church anyway. The first song we sang in worship was in 3/4 time, a waltz. The Lord reached out to let me know that He has me covered. He will walk with me through this time of adjustment and be with me until He takes me home to walk in the garden with Him alongside Norm.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for God’s faithfulness to remind me that He knows all that I’m going through and He has a plan.

I pray for the wisdom to walk each day, noticing the people around me who may need encouragement just to make it through the day.

I rejoice that God not only has His eye on me, He rejoices over me with singing.

Where’s the joy? It’s all around, I just need to open my eyes to see it.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the hearts of the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant to those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of the spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 18, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 17

Sometimes I have no clue as to what is happening. Last week, things went smoothly. I didn’t cry often. It seemed that I was moving on with life…like I had a handle on things.

This week…waterworks everyday. Grief hits me over and over like waves on the ocean. I stand up from one and get hit by another. Regrets invade my mind, what could I have done differently?

There’s been no big event. No disturbing family news. I’ve done pretty much the same things. And yet this week has been a struggle more than last week.

My widow friends just nod their heads, they know. They encourage me to take the next step…whatever that may be.

Tomorrow I’m going to visit a widow’s group. I’ll meet some ladies in the same boat as I am. Our church wants to start one, we have a number of widows…which now includes me.

When Norm dealt with cancer, he learned and said over and over, one can’t go through cancer alone, even though when the diagnosis comes, it is a private battle between your body and the disease. But support of friends and family is essential to one’s mindset and one’s attitude. The prayers and love of the people in one’s life make a difference in how one faces the battle.

I’m finding the same to be true of widowhood. While it is a private struggle with the loss of Norm, I can’t face this alone. Family and friends are essential to my mindset and attitude.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the people God has placed in my life. They encourage me and lift me up so that I know that I’m not alone.

I pray that I will be able to encourage others who are dealing with the isolation that comes with a loss or an illness.

I rejoice in the Lord who walks with me through the storm. The waves may knock me down, but they won’t knock me out. God is faithful.

    But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, 

         And He who formed you, O Israel, 

         “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; 

         I have called you by name; you are Mine! 

      “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

         And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. 

         When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, 

         Nor will the flame burn you. 

        “For I am the LORD your God, 

         The Holy One of Israel, your Savior; 

Isaiah 43:1–3.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on September 11, 2025 by tricialathrop

September 10

In the last week, I feel as if I’ve turned a corner. I’m settling into my new normal. I lead a Bible study, sing in a choir, and get together with friends during the week. I can keep busy during the day, but the evenings…I miss conversing with Norm about events and future plans.

I’m still not sure what the future holds, but I’m seeing the next steps to take. I can trust that God will be faithful through it all.

I am thankful for my friends who have walked this past before me. They are very encouraging and helpful.

I pray for wisdom for the future. There are some opportunities coming up, they will be a challenge. I need wisdom for when to say yes, and when to say no.

I rejoice in the grace of the Lord that He has poured into my life, even as I walk this path.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 28, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 27

I got lost on my way to church. I decided to take the back road in to avoid a left turn across heavy traffic. The problem: when I made that decision, I was not where I needed to be. It involved an extra turn, that I did not take.

It took several miles to realize my mistake, at which time, other than returning to my decision point, I had no idea how to get to church from where I was. So I turned on the GPS and entered an area I had yet to explore.

I turned onto a road and saw a large stone wall, the type one sees around castles. And I thought, this looks intriguing. And as I drove by, I discovered a sign, Millennium Manor, and visiting hours. How could Norm and I have missed this place in our ten years living here? I looked it up, it’s a castle some man built, a place Norm and I would have visited had we known.

I’ve felt lost without Norm. I’m trying to find my direction and focus without Norm in the picture. I miss his advice, comments, his companionship on adventures…his laugh.

Surprisingly, this little side trip gave me hope. Being lost is only temporary, I can rely on the Lord to lead me in the way I need to go. And though I no longer have my partner in adventures, the adventure is not yet over for me. It’s all just going to look different.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the modern GPS, it has gotten me out of many lost situations. I am thankful that God provided a life GPS with His Word.

I pray for wisdom as I walk this new path, not only for me but for my friend Kym, who has recently become a widow.

I rejoice in God my Savior who has provided all that I need to walk with Him.

Where’s the joy? it’s the hope of the adventure yet to come.

The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.
I will bless the Lord who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Psalm 16:5–11

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 24, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 23

This week I went to the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit. Norm would have loved it. I took my nephew because I didn’t want to go alone. If it comes to your area, it is well worth the time and money.

I didn’t realize how prolific Van Gogh was. At one point I stared at the pictures and noticed that four of the sunflower pictures were the same, just using different intensities and hues. Then I noticed more where he used the same subject, but his choices of color and light intensities added interest.

Norm used to do that with his photography. He would choose a scene or a subject and photograph it from every possible angle. As he post processed them, he would choose varying saturations of light and color and produced amazing results. His desire in photography was to allow others to see and appreciate God’s creation.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the years I had with Norm and his joy in life, always so excited over his photos.

I pray for wisdom as I make choices moving forward without Norm.

I rejoice in God who has made all things.

Where’s the joy? It comes in who God is and the love He has shown.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100:1-5

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 15, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 15

Widowhood, it’s a lonely existence.

Sure I have family and friends around, but they have their own lives to live and those lives don’t revolve around me. I come home to an empty house where the silence can be deafening. No sound of Norm’s laughter. No one to share what happened during the day. I can see why people sometimes get married pretty quickly. When one is used to another body in the house for 45 years, it’s an adjustment.

I lived alone for a year before marrying Norm. Then I had a job, I had friends, we went out at night. I came home to peace and quiet where I could reboot. But after 45 years of day after day having someone around, it’s not easy going back to a single existence.

I remember when Norm retired and he was home 24-7-365…that was an adjustment. When someone else is in the house, I had to consider him in my plans, keep him posted, invite him along…but then he got his own things going. He would go for a day to take pictures, or he would go camping. And I enjoyed those days of freedom because they were short, and he would be back soon.

But now, he won’t be home in hours or days. This is an open ended solo existence and I’m trying to figure out how to do this.

At first there were a lot of things that needed to be done that took my time and energy. Friends and family stayed close and connected. But now the big things are done and friends and family have returned to their own lives…not to say they don’t check on me and spend time with me, they do…but it’s not as much as at first and that is as it should be.

I realize I’m not alone. I have friends and family who love me and care for me. I know that God is with me even in my deepest sorrow.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends, this would be even more lonely without them.

I pray for grace to walk this walk with hope in my heart and an eye for others who may be lonely.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of God, who has provided for me in ways I never expected.

Where’s the joy? Every day God provides for my needs, spiritual, physical and emotional.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 11

I’ve been sorting and packing up Norm’s computer gaming gear. I have his photos on discs, thanks to my kids. I haven’t looked at those yet, thousands to sort through. It will take time and more emotional stamina than I have right now.

Going through Norm’s things is an emotional process that I don’t want to do, but necessary.

I’m finished traveling for a few months. There is a lot to be done and I am so good at procrastinating. Little by little I’m coming out of the fog. Each day I’m trying to do at least one thing to move forward.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories I have with Norm. We had a good 45 years together, a lot of fun along with a few struggles. I am glad for the sorrow I feel for it reminds me of the love we had.

I pray for courage to move forward and emotional stamina to endure the pain from losing Norm.

I rejoice that whatever comes my way, God will be with me and will take care of me…even when I don’t see His hand at work.

Where’s the joy? Norm is walking with the Lord in His garden, no more pain and no more suffering.

Revelation 21:1–7 (NASB95): The New Heaven and Earth
1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea.
2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them,
4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”
5 And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”
6 Then He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.
7 “He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.

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