Posts Tagged With: loneliness

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

November 13

Walking this path has its challenges. Some days are easier than others, I get up and out, meet with friends, accomplish things. And then other days, I get up and spend it alone, sometimes getting things done, sometimes I finish the day having nothing to show for it.

I thought I had come out of the fog, but it’s still around me. I struggle to focus on anything. I do what must be done…and some things become less essential as the day progresses.

I miss Norm. There’s a hole in my life. He was my biggest cheerleader and encourager in the ventures I took on. I didn’t realize how much I relied on his ever present support. I miss his wise suggestions. I miss having someone who listened to my ideas and asked the right questions. I miss making plans for our next adventure. I miss watching him play with Sierra and Sawyer.

Even though it’s still hard to reach out in the pain, I know that God has provided friends and family to come alongside and encourage and support me.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the almost 45 years I had with Norm, the memories are good.

I pray for guidance in this walk, that I will be able to reach out not only for help, but also to be an encouragement to others.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation who loves me no matter what and will be with me every step of the way.

Where’s the joy? Tough thought today, yesterday in our Bible study we discussed the need to respond, not react. We can’t change our situation, but we can change our attitude.

This is the Psalm I read this morning, it helped to adjust my attitude.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The Lord performs righteous deed and judgements for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the sons of Israel.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sin, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, and its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep His covenant and remember His precepts to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.

Bless the Lord, you His angels, mighty in strength, who perform His word, obeying the voice of His word!

Bless the Lord, all you His hosts, you who serve Him, doing His will.

Bless the Lord, all you works of His, in all places of His dominion;

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Psalm 103

I can choose every day to praise the Lord regardless of how I feel or what comes my way.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

August 15

Widowhood, it’s a lonely existence.

Sure I have family and friends around, but they have their own lives to live and those lives don’t revolve around me. I come home to an empty house where the silence can be deafening. No sound of Norm’s laughter. No one to share what happened during the day. I can see why people sometimes get married pretty quickly. When one is used to another body in the house for 45 years, it’s an adjustment.

I lived alone for a year before marrying Norm. Then I had a job, I had friends, we went out at night. I came home to peace and quiet where I could reboot. But after 45 years of day after day having someone around, it’s not easy going back to a single existence.

I remember when Norm retired and he was home 24-7-365…that was an adjustment. When someone else is in the house, I had to consider him in my plans, keep him posted, invite him along…but then he got his own things going. He would go for a day to take pictures, or he would go camping. And I enjoyed those days of freedom because they were short, and he would be back soon.

But now, he won’t be home in hours or days. This is an open ended solo existence and I’m trying to figure out how to do this.

At first there were a lot of things that needed to be done that took my time and energy. Friends and family stayed close and connected. But now the big things are done and friends and family have returned to their own lives…not to say they don’t check on me and spend time with me, they do…but it’s not as much as at first and that is as it should be.

I realize I’m not alone. I have friends and family who love me and care for me. I know that God is with me even in my deepest sorrow.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends, this would be even more lonely without them.

I pray for grace to walk this walk with hope in my heart and an eye for others who may be lonely.

I rejoice in the faithfulness of God, who has provided for me in ways I never expected.

Where’s the joy? Every day God provides for my needs, spiritual, physical and emotional.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

April 9

It’s been a little over a month since I said my final “I love you” to Norm. It seems far longer.

Yesterday as I returned from Savannah, GPS took me off the main highway due to road construction on I-40. Every turn reminded me of traveling through the hills with Norm and stopping for lunch at a local diner in the small towns. I drove through Maggie Valley and over Newfound Gap and remembered watching the elk that had gathered in each place and seeing Norm’s joy as he tried to take the perfect picture. He always hoped for that iconic shot of two male elk fighting it out…usually after a few bellows, one will run away.

When I got home, I started going through some things. I would start to ask Norm a question, and realize he wasn’t there.

I’d start to ask if he wanted to go do something, but he wasn’t there.

I dozed off and when I awoke, looked for Norm, but he wasn’t there.

I thought of something funny to tell him, about what Sierra and Sawyer had done, but he wasn’t there.

We had over 44 years together…but now, he’s not here. This is hard, but it is my new reality.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the years we had together and the memories that I will have for the rest of my life.

I pray for strength and wisdom to walk this path, realizing that I I will walk some of it alone, but I need to make sure I don’t isolate myself.

I rejoice that while people will leave, God will never forsake us. He promises to be with us always.

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. “For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Isaiah 43:1–3

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