Posts Tagged With: god

Where’s the Joy?

December 17

Norm is back in the chemo pit. The day began well, we went out for breakfast, then about three pm, he crashed. He didn’t feel well and slept the rest of the day. One never knows from day to day whether it will be up or down.

It came on suddenly and a day later than expected. I can assure him that it will only last a day or two, but his mind can’t wrap itself around hope when he is in the pit. All I can do is sit beside him and comfort him until he settles.

We are in the middle of this marathon. I know these days will happen, seven more treatments to go. I also know that next week he will feel much better and stronger.

Going through this reminds me of one of Jesus’ miracles. They passed a man blind from birth. The disciples asked the cause of the blindness…his fault or his parents? But Jesus said it was so that God could be glorified. This man lived all his life, day after day without hope of ever seeing. Then one day Jesus came and he was totally healed.

We can ask all kinds of questions. Why did this man have to suffer with blindness until he was an adult? Why this man, and another left unhealed? Why do we have to suffer at all? I don’t know the whys, but I know that God is sovereign and God is good. He’s God, He makes the decisions and one day we will discover what our suffering is all about.

As He passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?”

Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of Him who sent Me as long as it is day; night is coming when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the Light of the world”

When He had said this, He spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and applied the clay to his eyes and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam (which is translated Sent). So he went away and washed, and came back seeing. John 9:1-7

I am thankful for the Sovereign Lord, who knows all things and makes the right decisions.

I pray for the healing of Donna, Kathy, Tony and Norm as they go through chemotherapy to eliminate their cancer.

I rejoice in the Lord who does heal, even if in his sovereignty he chooses not to.

Where is the joy? The joy of the Lord, is my strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Blessed be the Lord, because He has heard the voice of my supplication The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him. Psalm 28:6-7

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Where’s the Joy?

December 14

Today I dealt with anger.

I’m angry at the cancer that has my husband dealing with the pain and frustration of chemo treatments. I’m angry at my husband for getting cancer…not that he had any choice in the matter.

I’m angry at God for taking us down this path.

I’m angry that I can’t do what I want when I want. I’m angry at the things I’m missing: celebrating my 70th birthday, celebrating my grand-daughter’s birthday, seeing the Christmas lights, singing at nursing homes with a local choir, decorating the house…

I never considered myself as one who got angry, I see it as a negative trait. But I hid my anger well under the cover of withdrawal, quiet frustration, and hurt feelings. So I guess this is progress, to recognize and admit I get angry.

My circumstances are better than my anger shows. I travelled to Knoxville to sing in the Nativity Pageant. I got to spend time with my daughter who came in to help. Norm is having a pretty good day.

I enjoy singing in the pageant, it is a yearly reminder of the love that God showered on us by sending His Son to live among us, to demonstrate the love and grace that the Lord God has toward us, and to die on the cross so that we can have a great relationship with the Lord, creator of the universe.

I am thankful that God loves me even when I am angry at Him.

I pray for His peace and comfort when I’m helpless to change my attitude.

I rejoice in the coming of Jesus Christ who bore all our sins and sorrows on the cross.

Where’s the joy? Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of christ, be reconciled to God.

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

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Where’s the Joy?

December 6

I took Norm to the hospital for his fourth round of chemo. A month ago, I wasn’t sure he’d live. The last few times we’ve been to the hospital, he needed help to get inside to get help. Today, I watched him walk in, steady and sure, while I parked the car.

After the day of chemo, I returned home. I’m feeling drained. I sat and watched some Hallmark movies…Christmas ones of course.

I’m out of survival mode. The adrenalin rush is over. I feel like I’m in a marathon. At the start, there is adrenalin coursing through the body, making sure it’s a good start. At the end, well, the end is in sight and there comes another surge of adrenalin. But here, in the middle section, it’s just remembering to put one foot in front of the other and don’t fall down. Keep drinking water and taking in nutrients.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Thank you Lord for friends that come alongside to walk this road.

I pray for perseverance as we enter this middle section of treatment.

I rejoice that God has this all under control.

Where’s the joy? Norm walked into the hospital on his own, without any help.

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Where’s the Joy?

December 4

Last night I went to choir rehearsal for the Nativity Pageant. It’s a yearly event here in Knoxville, free to all who want to come As we rehearsed “O Come All You Unfaithful” by Lisa Clow and Bob Kauflin, I cried.

You’ve probably heard “O Come All Ye Faithful”, a more familiar carol. It’s a joyful, jubilant song calling us to worship the King of Kings, Jesus Christ the Lord.

In contrast, “O Come All You Unfaithful” calls the broken, the weary, the imperfect, those in pain to come to the Good Shepherd, who shows compassion on those in need. Our ability to come to the Lord is not based on our goodness or how put together we appear. Our coming to the Lord is based on his death and resurrection. We cannot be good enough.

Before Norm’s illness, I bopped along with plans for this holiday season. I did procrastinate, but no big issues. It did not take long for it all to flip on end: Things I enjoyed…cancelled, groups I led…handed off to another. My self sufficiency totally out the window, and I never know when my emotions will bottom out and tears will well up.

God’s faithfulness overrides my issues. Jesus Christ desires those who are unworthy to come to Him, He is worthy. Jesus Christ calls the unloved to come to Him, for He is the standard for unconditional love. Jesus Christ calls those who walk in darkness to come to Him, for He is the Light of the World. Jesus Christ calls the sinner to come to Him, for He is righteousness. Christ calls those who are lost to come to Him, He is the Way. Christ calls the sick to come to Him, He will rise with healing in His wings.

My Thanks: Jesus has provided all I need through his life, death and resurrection. He always intercedes for me.

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed.

All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;

But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him. Isaiah 53:4-6

My Prayer: As Norm and I walk this road, I pray that we will be able to encourage and support those we meet who are in need. And that we will always pray and express gratitude for those who minister to us.

Rejoice: I rejoice that Jesus came to earth as the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. He took my sins and sorrow to the cross and paid the debt of my sin, in full.

Where’s the joy? Music, the upbeat and the songs that make me think of who Christ is. Music calms the troubled soul.

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Where’s the Joy?

December 3

Norm is on the upside of the chemo cycle. Some of his college friends came for a few hours and he enjoyed his time with them, fortunately I like them too, so, a good day for all. It felt like a normal day. We laughed, we talked, we went out to eat.

But there is a shadow that hangs over the good days. He will suffer another round of chemo on Friday, and it will take time to recover from the treatment. I’m trying to take this one day at a time and rest in the reprieve, two more days…Jesus knows we have trouble living day to day.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; for for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

Do not worry then, saying, “What will we eat?” or “WHat will we drink?” or “What will we wear for clothing?”

For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

I’ve never considered myself a worrier, and yet this illness of Norm’s sometimes has me tied up in knots. I really have no control over the outcome, but God does. I can be faithful to support Norm, provide his needs, encourage and pray. Sometimes the support is just listening. All else is in the hand of God.

Thanks: We had a good day today, full of joy and laughter.

Prayer: For Norm to continue to gain back some strength before his next round of chemo.

Rejoice: That God cares for us and knows all that we need. He is working in ways we cannot see.

Where’s the joy? The joy is knowing that God has all this in his hand.

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Where’s the Joy?

December 2

Today, I had my husband back. Norm got up and moved around and joked with me. It’s a rare event since cancer entered our lives. I know he has a long way to go, but each day of respite is a delight.

Throughout this challenge, we have been supported, encouraged and prayed for by family and friends all over the US.

Before the diagnosis, Norm’s pain and overall body itching never stopped. He wanted to claw out of his skin. He was angry at God who could heal him, but chose not to. He knew people prayed for him, but in his mind, the prayers did no good. He walked in the darkness of pain and despair. Like a black hole, time seemed to stand still as he circled round and round without hope, closer and closer to the pit of absolute, overwhelming despair.

The prayers that Norm considered useless served as safety harnesses, holding him back from the pit, keeping him from giving up all hope. They not only kept him from falling, they pulled him back towards the light, eventually allowing him to see the light and restoring his hope. He recognized that the prayers lifted him up and that he was not alone in this walk.

Our prayers are powerful for those in need, piercing through the darkness, supporting the one who cannot see. A prayer at the right time delivers the mind and soul, drawing back the broken and feeble, who cannot survive on their own.

Thanks: I am grateful for family, friends, and those we do not know who have prayed and continue to pray for Norm and as we battle this cancer. I am also grateful for those who send kind thoughts and words of encouragement and support our way.

Prayer: Strength, wisdom, courage and hope as we continue this path God has chosen for us. Though tough days lie ahead, with the possibility of more despair, we pray that our hope does not diminish and remains near at hand.

Rejoice: Today, I rejoice that my husband had a day of hope and laughter.

Where’s the joy? It’s easier to be joyful when things go well. But we live in a world filled with broken people, and there will be times when things won’t go well. My joy is in the hope that is in Jesus Christ.

For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.

For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope: for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Just as it is written, “For Your sake we are being put to death all day long; We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:22-39

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Where’s the Joy?

December 1

Christmas comes with great joy and anticipation. The joyful narrative of Jesus’ birth, announced with the joyful words of the angels. “For unto us a child is born in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord.” Children and adults sing joyful carols like “Joy to the World”, “Angels We Have Heard on High”, “Deck the Halls” and “Jingle Bells” everywhere we go. Our eyes delight in the colors of the season, red, green, gold, silver and rich blues and purples, even the whimsical pink ornaments. We joyfully give and receive gifts.

It’s my favorite time of the year. But this year will be different.

One month ago, the doctor revealed that my husband, Norm, after months of testing, had the dreaded C-word. It’s an aggressive cancer that requires aggressive treatment, three rounds of chemo in the last four weeks.

In the last four months, we’ve seen plan after plan fall to the wayside. Norm’s trip to photograph canyons and mountains in the west, fell to the wayside as he grew weaker and weaker. Plans to go north and see the fall colors in Vermont and follow the peak colors along the Blue Ridge Parkway and all through the Smokies, vaporized as we searched for answers. Christmas plans to celebrate the holiday with our children and grandchildren won’t happen until his treatment is complete. Norm will miss our traditional holiday events, “The Christmas Carol”, a play we’ve seen for the last 30 years…except for the Covid years, The Nativity Pageant, the lighting of the town Christmas Tree. While I’ll be able to participate in some of these events, it will be without him.

Where’s the joy? For a time, I focused on the losses of missed events and family connections. I continue to watch my husband struggle in health and attitude. My faith is challenged, knowing God can miraculously remove the cancer from his body, but has chosen to allow Norm to go through the pain of chemo.

So this year for the Advent season, I decided to search for joy and to write each day. It’s an unknown path, with an unknown result and there may be days I miss.

A verse that keeps coming to mind during this journey: “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

My thanks for today: From September to October, Norm endured test after test. Along the way, doctors recognized his need for answers. Each one had a part in getting the ball rolling and keeping at it until an answer was reached. The oncologist sent him immediately to the hospital, where they discovered the cancer had advanced faster than anticipated. I am grateful for the doctors, nurses and support staff at the University of Tennessee Hospital cancer unit. Their care and concern is far above what I expected. My husband is alive today because of the care and intervention of these doctors: Dr. Semeco, Dr. Hayes, Dr. Wheeler, and Dr. Cutrer.

Prayer: That God will miraculously remove the cancer from Norm’s body. But if he chooses not to, prayer that Norm will have the strength of body, mind and spirit to endure and let the chemo do it’s work against the cancer with minimal side effects. We have two friends who are also traveling the cancer journey at this time, Tony and Donna, that they will find healing and refreshing as they walk the path before them.

Rejoice: Jesus Christ came into the world to live as a human. He revealed the character of God in his words and action. He suffered and died on the cross to provide a way for us to experience a relationship with God. While he walked among the people, he had compassion and mercy for all who suffered He healed the sick, delivered the oppressed, declared and demonstrated the love of God for all humanity.

Where’s the joy? “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish, but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17.

Could God have delivered Norm from the cancer miraculously? yes. Why didn’t he? I don’t know. This I do know, God loves Norm and has him in the palm of his hand.

Despite the circumstances, I can have joy because the God who created all things, loves Norm and loves me.

In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:6-9

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