Posts Tagged With: faith

Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 15, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 14

Today I dealt with anger.

I’m angry at the cancer that has my husband dealing with the pain and frustration of chemo treatments. I’m angry at my husband for getting cancer…not that he had any choice in the matter.

I’m angry at God for taking us down this path.

I’m angry that I can’t do what I want when I want. I’m angry at the things I’m missing: celebrating my 70th birthday, celebrating my grand-daughter’s birthday, seeing the Christmas lights, singing at nursing homes with a local choir, decorating the house…

I never considered myself as one who got angry, I see it as a negative trait. But I hid my anger well under the cover of withdrawal, quiet frustration, and hurt feelings. So I guess this is progress, to recognize and admit I get angry.

My circumstances are better than my anger shows. I travelled to Knoxville to sing in the Nativity Pageant. I got to spend time with my daughter who came in to help. Norm is having a pretty good day.

I enjoy singing in the pageant, it is a yearly reminder of the love that God showered on us by sending His Son to live among us, to demonstrate the love and grace that the Lord God has toward us, and to die on the cross so that we can have a great relationship with the Lord, creator of the universe.

I am thankful that God loves me even when I am angry at Him.

I pray for His peace and comfort when I’m helpless to change my attitude.

I rejoice in the coming of Jesus Christ who bore all our sins and sorrows on the cross.

Where’s the joy? Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of christ, be reconciled to God.

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 14, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 13

Today Norm received his third of six body chemos and the fifth of twelve total chemos. We spent four hours at the cancer center, watched a lot of patients come and go. I didn’t hear one complaint.

There are times when patients and caregivers go through the dark side of fear, anger, frustration etc. But one the lighter side we can find hope, encouragement, and joy. One can dream of what comes after the healing. We can spend more time with family, it will be good to hug our grandchildren Sierra and Sawyer. We can look forward to times of laughter and games with the kids and siblings. We will enjoy getting together with friends. We can dream of traveling to places near and far.

When the Lord seems to give extra time, when we face our own mortality, the question arises, “What will I do with the time He has given?”. What legacy will I leave behind?

None of us know what each day will bring. While we can plan for the future, we live day by day. That is where we make our legacy. Our daily actions and words determine how we are remembered and provide the joy for each day.

He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap. Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things. Sow your seed in the morning and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will succeed, or whether both of them alike will be good. Ecclesiastes 11:4-6

I am thankful that God faithfully works in ways we cannot see.

I pray for each person I saw at the cancer center today, along with Donna and Tony, that the treatment they receive do its work with minimal side effects. And for each of the nurses who have such a positive attitude of encouragement for each person in their care.

I rejoice that I am seeing progress in Norm’s treatment. He is getting better.

Where’s the joy? The joy is in the hope in the promises of God. He has made the promises, he will accomplish them.

For as the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. For you will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 55:10-12

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 13, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 12

Day to day, one never knows how it will go. Our day started well, then as the afternoon progressed, Norm seemed to grow weaker. I don’t know if it’s knowing that tomorrow he returns for another round of chemo or if we did too much yesterday

Being the primary caregiver takes its toll. Every nuance of change triggers a rise in adrenalin…the uncertainty of it all. One step forward, two steps back. Sometimes a leap forward and then a regressing. It’s an emotional roller-coaster for both of us.

Yet, even with the set backs, he is so much better than he was seven weeks ago when we got the diagnosis. He’s up and about, eating…not a lot, but more than he was, and looking forward to the future.

Friends help. I had lunch with a friend who has walked this path. It’s encouraging to speak with someone who has a similar experience.

I am thankful that although there are set backs, the general progress is towards strength and healing.

I pray for strength of heart to continue and peace of mind through the challenges…for both of us, and anyone else who struggles with an issue out of their own control.

I rejoice that God promised to never leave us or forsake us.

The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Where’s the joy? To be honest, not feeling it.

My friend and I talked about putting on a cheerful face when among people. She’s good at it, few see through to the pain. I tend to withdraw and become quiet. If I must be with people, I will talk about anything else because the tears are on the edge, ready to flow at any time.

Where’s the joy? It’s waiting on the other side of the tears and seen in the hope found in God’s promises.

Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones, and give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:4-5

Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. Psalm 126:5-6

Then the virgin will rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old, together. For I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 12, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 11

I didn’t write yesterday. Some days it is tough to process all that happens One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

After an extra day in the hospital, Norm came home. The care at the hospital is awesome, the TLC shown by each staff member in words and actions goes a long way in minimizing suffering. But it’s not home.

The unfamiliarity, the flickering lights and shadows of the machines, the sounds, alarms…all disturb a sense of rest.

Norm was glad to be home. He looked around and commented on the lack of Christmas decoration, no tree, no nativities. I did pull out our Christmas plates and cups. It’s not been a priority. Since he mentioned it, I’ll get some things out. Definitely more low key this year.

As I wrote this, I thought of a quote from How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss. “And the Grinch with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

We are definitely having a Christmas without a lot of the ribbons and wrappings. But I think we’ll get back to the heart of Christmas.

I am thankful that Norm is home.

I pray for all who are dealing with devastating illness or disability this season, that they will find times of fun and happiness in the celebration this year.

I rejoice in the Reason for the Season, the coming of the Son of God who died on the cross to bring salvation to all humanity.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. Luke 2:7-14

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might by saved through Him. John 3:16-17

Where’s the joy? The Lord has come!

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 10, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 9

Rough day. Norm wanted to come home, but the chemo levels had not reduced enough for him to leave the hospital.

He did so well before and on the chemo that I forgot the after effects that show up on Monday and Tuesday, the discouragement, the emotional let down, the weakness…I know on Wednesday he’ll start climbing out of the pit, but until then he needs an extra boost.

I am grateful for those people who are contacting him, wrapping him virtually in their arms with love and concern, praying for him to keep fighting the cancer. Knowing people are supportive goes a long way. I don’t know how anyone walks this road without the hope that is in Christ. This is a tough road.

I am thankful for the loving support of family, friends, and friends of friends that we do not know.

I pray that Norm will have stamina in body, heart and mind to weather this storm.

I rejoice that God has this all in his hand, even when I don’t sense it.

Where’s the joy? God sends people from all walks of life to encourage both of us, reminding us that he is always there.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul:

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;

Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 8, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 7

Today, that is a good question for me. It’s been a sad day, lots of tears. I think it’s just part of the ongoing concern. Norm’s doing fine in the hospital, everything is going as planned. He sleeps quite a bit as the chemo works in his body.

Tonight, I went with some family to see “The Christmas Carol”. It’s a well done production at the Clarence Brown Theater in Knoxville.

Before going, I went to my sister’s place. Her dog, Chester, greeted me and just stood there, allowing me to pet him. Then, when I sat down, he came and stayed by me. It’s as if he sensed something wrong, and that I needed a little extra love.

I am thankful for the staff at the hospital who are taking care of Norm tonight.

I pray for the strength, courage and wisdom to endure, for both Norm and me.

I rejoice that God has not forgotten us, and is with us throughout.

Where’s the joy? Tonight, it was having Chester come to be with me.

Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:19-23

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 8, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 6

I took Norm to the hospital for his fourth round of chemo. A month ago, I wasn’t sure he’d live. The last few times we’ve been to the hospital, he needed help to get inside to get help. Today, I watched him walk in, steady and sure, while I parked the car.

After the day of chemo, I returned home. I’m feeling drained. I sat and watched some Hallmark movies…Christmas ones of course.

I’m out of survival mode. The adrenalin rush is over. I feel like I’m in a marathon. At the start, there is adrenalin coursing through the body, making sure it’s a good start. At the end, well, the end is in sight and there comes another surge of adrenalin. But here, in the middle section, it’s just remembering to put one foot in front of the other and don’t fall down. Keep drinking water and taking in nutrients.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Thank you Lord for friends that come alongside to walk this road.

I pray for perseverance as we enter this middle section of treatment.

I rejoice that God has this all under control.

Where’s the joy? Norm walked into the hospital on his own, without any help.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 6, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 5

Tomorrow we head back to the hospital for Norm’s brain chemo. He stays at the hospital for at least two days. We see evidence the chemo works. Norm has more energy than he had from August to October. He no longer tries to scratch his skin off. I am grateful for our medical community that works to remove the cancer, and those researchers who go to work each day in order to find a complete cure.

I’m taking joy in these days of reprieve. Three more months of chemo to go, but trying to take them one day at a time.

I am thankful for the medical community that stepped in to save Norm’s life.

I pray for the researchers to continue to discover more effective and less painful ways to battle cancer.

I rejoice that God is in control. He knows what I cannot see, and has a plan. “‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'” Jeremiah 29:11-13.

A lot of people quote this verse about the good plans that God has for their lives, they don’t realize that God said this to the people just before they went into 70 years of captivity in Babylon. I take comfort in this. Norm has nine more chemo treatments. He’s captive to the cancer in his body. But God still has a good plan for him, a future and a hope. It includes a promise that God will hear and God will be found.

Where’s the joy? Today, Norm and I had lunch with some friends of ours.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 5, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 4

Last night I went to choir rehearsal for the Nativity Pageant. It’s a yearly event here in Knoxville, free to all who want to come As we rehearsed “O Come All You Unfaithful” by Lisa Clow and Bob Kauflin, I cried.

You’ve probably heard “O Come All Ye Faithful”, a more familiar carol. It’s a joyful, jubilant song calling us to worship the King of Kings, Jesus Christ the Lord.

In contrast, “O Come All You Unfaithful” calls the broken, the weary, the imperfect, those in pain to come to the Good Shepherd, who shows compassion on those in need. Our ability to come to the Lord is not based on our goodness or how put together we appear. Our coming to the Lord is based on his death and resurrection. We cannot be good enough.

Before Norm’s illness, I bopped along with plans for this holiday season. I did procrastinate, but no big issues. It did not take long for it all to flip on end: Things I enjoyed…cancelled, groups I led…handed off to another. My self sufficiency totally out the window, and I never know when my emotions will bottom out and tears will well up.

God’s faithfulness overrides my issues. Jesus Christ desires those who are unworthy to come to Him, He is worthy. Jesus Christ calls the unloved to come to Him, for He is the standard for unconditional love. Jesus Christ calls those who walk in darkness to come to Him, for He is the Light of the World. Jesus Christ calls the sinner to come to Him, for He is righteousness. Christ calls those who are lost to come to Him, He is the Way. Christ calls the sick to come to Him, He will rise with healing in His wings.

My Thanks: Jesus has provided all I need through his life, death and resurrection. He always intercedes for me.

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed.

All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;

But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him. Isaiah 53:4-6

My Prayer: As Norm and I walk this road, I pray that we will be able to encourage and support those we meet who are in need. And that we will always pray and express gratitude for those who minister to us.

Rejoice: I rejoice that Jesus came to earth as the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. He took my sins and sorrow to the cross and paid the debt of my sin, in full.

Where’s the joy? Music, the upbeat and the songs that make me think of who Christ is. Music calms the troubled soul.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 4, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 3

Norm is on the upside of the chemo cycle. Some of his college friends came for a few hours and he enjoyed his time with them, fortunately I like them too, so, a good day for all. It felt like a normal day. We laughed, we talked, we went out to eat.

But there is a shadow that hangs over the good days. He will suffer another round of chemo on Friday, and it will take time to recover from the treatment. I’m trying to take this one day at a time and rest in the reprieve, two more days…Jesus knows we have trouble living day to day.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; for for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

Do not worry then, saying, “What will we eat?” or “WHat will we drink?” or “What will we wear for clothing?”

For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

I’ve never considered myself a worrier, and yet this illness of Norm’s sometimes has me tied up in knots. I really have no control over the outcome, but God does. I can be faithful to support Norm, provide his needs, encourage and pray. Sometimes the support is just listening. All else is in the hand of God.

Thanks: We had a good day today, full of joy and laughter.

Prayer: For Norm to continue to gain back some strength before his next round of chemo.

Rejoice: That God cares for us and knows all that we need. He is working in ways we cannot see.

Where’s the joy? The joy is knowing that God has all this in his hand.

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