Posts Tagged With: cancer

Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 3, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 2

What do you do when you are at the end of your rope…and that rope is totally frayed?

Yesterday, I wanted to just walk away from the struggle and not come back for an overnight…a 24 hour breather. Find a hotel with a great view, and just regroup. I’m overwhelmed…but only 3 more treatments to go.

I know it’s worse for Norm, he has cancer. As the caregiver, this is not easy. It takes its toll physically and emotionally.

Norm seems to have returned to some of the pre-treatment symptoms. He’s not eating as much, sleeping more, getting angry more…but that could be the steroids or the meds, he’s on some pretty powerful stuff that has to be interfering with everything.

We got good reports from the doctors, but this day to day is draining. I’m dealing with a fear that this is the new normal. I don’t know what’s ahead, and this is probably just an irrational fear that rears its ugly head and messes with me psychologically.

Talking with my adult kids about this, we concluded that we are at mile 20 of the marathon…where both my girls always hit the marathon wall. We only have a quarter of the treatments to go, the finish line is in sight. We have hope that his cancer will be cured and this nightmare will be over.

As I have what I call my patti pity party, I’m reminded that we are in a good place. Norm’s treatment is working. Others have walked this road, with no hope of a cure, having chemo to keep the pain at bay while they pass. Some have not even got to have treatments, the cancer being found too late. There are some who walk this road alone. I am truly blessed with family and friends who walk alongside.

This morning I lay in bed and did a lot of crying. I didn’t want to face the day. A song came to mind from Disney’s Frozen 2. Anna had lost Elsa, Olaf and had discovered that her grandfather had deceived and cheated a group of people. As she struggled with the loss, she sang, “Do the Next Right Thing.”

Where’s the joy? Giving up is not an option. I will face today, tomorrow and the days following with the grace that God provides. I will endeavor to deal with Norm, knowing that God is the One who determines the outcome and gives strength to make it day by day.

I am thankful that we have hope in a cure and restoration of health for Norm.

I pray for those who are walking with no hope, that they will be given the strength and courage to persevere. And that amidst their struggle, they will be able to find peace and joy that God provides.

I rejoice that God has this, no matter what comes our way.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:2-5

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on January 31, 2025 by tricialathrop

January 30

Most days are going well, today started great and then crashed and burned with a total meltdown. I spoke to the doctor about these episodes, and while unfortunate, not unexpected. They had given us meds to deal with the anxiety when needed. Don’t need them often, but we do on days like this.

We do see this time of struggle coming to a close. The chemos are working and only three to go over the next four weeks.

It’s been a tough road, but God has been faithful to us. Some days have seemed like more than we can handle, but God always provides what we need to get through the day.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for friends who check in and take the time to listen.

I pray for an awareness of the needs of others, so I can pay the kindness forward to others who need encouragement.

I rejoice in the fact that God is always present, even when I don’t feel him.

Where’s the joy? Today, it’s friends and family who walk alongside us.

Put on then as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving eah other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

And above all, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on January 24, 2025 by tricialathrop

January 24

It’s been a rough few weeks. I came down with the flu. Norm has had two treatments since I last posted. We’ve had good news, the cancer is shrinking throughout his body.

Tough to take, the build up of the chemicals in his body are taking their toll on his stamina and mental fortitude.

Tomorrow we begin the last leg of the race, the final quarter. The end is in sight, only four more treatments. But the path ahead still looks daunting. Most trained distance runners always have a kick saved for the final laps…but cancer comes upon us and no one has trained for that final kick to make it through.

My daughter ran a marathon without a lot of training. She made it through the middle portion by asking people alongside the road to cheer for her, and they did. But the last leg of the journey, it was a matter of one foot in front of the other, a dogged determination to make it through.

Tonight, Norm’s frustration reached a low, “Four more treatments…how am I going to make it?”

My response, “You will make it in the same way you’ve made it so far. People are praying. People are hoping for you to come through this totally healed. People are cheering you on to the completion of the treatment. The Lord has carried you this far, He will be with you throughout the treatment.”

He is resting peacefully now. I hope he sleeps through the night and awakens refreshed.

I am thankful that we are not facing this treatment alone, we have friends and family for encouragement all along the way.

I pray that the final treatments will do what they are intended to do, and that Norm will have the strength of body and mind to continue to fight to beat cancer.

I rejoice that, no matter how it looks, God has this.

Where is the joy? I can’t say I’ve seen much joy today, it’s been tough. The joy is found in trusting in God’s faithfulness, appearances are deceiving, but God remains faithful.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might, He increases power.

Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:28-31

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on January 13, 2025 by tricialathrop

January 12

It’s been a few weeks. Norm got a great report, the lesion on his brain is almost gone. We are still waiting on the results of the body chemo.

Even though we have great news, it is tough maintaining a positive attitude. I guess chemo builds up in one’s body as the treatments progress. Norm is definitely doing better, he no longer needs a wheelchair to get around…but he struggles with continual weakness. This week he got down on the floor to fix a lose wire, and could not get back up.

It becomes a mind game. The reports say he should feel better, and he does, but not as much as he thinks he should. As a caretaker, first time through this, it is also difficult to encourage when I think he should be doing better.

We are in the middle third of the marathon and it is difficult. It takes every bit of strength and resolve that one has…but it feels as if all the strength and resolve no longer exists, and every bit of reserve is drained.

Where’s the joy, when the road is hard and we cannot even conjure up a positive thought? It feels like a major bump in the road that knocks us down, bringing progress to a grinding halt.

I think we have to settle in faith, what do I believe? When our senses tell us it’s too hard to continue, what keeps us going?

Jesus never promised an easy life. But he did promise to never leave us or forsake us.

God created us to live in community, so that we have friends and family to walk alongside us in our struggles.

I am thankful that the chemo treatments are working.

I pray for strength to continue fighting through the buildup of the chemo in the body.

I rejoice that God has this all in His hand. I can trust Him to do what is best.

Where’s the joy? Trusting in the One who always has our best in mind.

Sometimes, our fight is an object lesson to encourage those around us. Our struggle for integrity as we walk the path, may encourage another to keep going. People around the US are seeing their prayers for Norm answered, many we don’t even know.

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah.

You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.”

Then my spirit made diligent search: Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion? Selah.

Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.

Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. Psalm 77:1-14

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 29, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 28

Norm is the best he’s been, partially steroids, partially due to the dying cancer. I don’t want assume that this will continue, chemo pit is yet to come.

On these days, while Norm is in the hospital, my mind veges out a bit, taking a break from having to keep track of every little thing. I’m looking forward to the day when he is totally self-sufficient again, but that is still months away.

We are coming up on a new year. Usually, I’m considering a verse for the year. Sometimes it’s gratitude, sometimes it’s a spiritual challenge for behavior or habits.

I have been on survival mode for the last 4 months. But now, Norm might actually survive this cancer.

He’s concerned about who he will be once this is done. Near death experiences change people. I’m wondering the same thing about me, will the constant caretaking change me in some way?

What am I going to do in facing 2024? Do I go ahead and make goals for the year? Do I just make it a goal to live each day until Norm is through this? What scripture will help me get through this and then move forward?

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.”

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.

Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.”

But as it is, you boast in your arrogance, all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:13-17

We really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. All I do know, is that cancer has shown me that planning ahead needs to be flexible. It doesn’t always work out the way we’d like. But whatever comes my way, God is there.

I am thankful that Norm’s chemo seems to be working and he will be whole again.

I pray for the faithful nurses, doctors, janitors, nutritionists and all others involved in helping my husband to recover.

I rejoice that God has tomorrow in His hand.

Where’s the joy? I am looking forward with hope.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 26, 2024 by tricialathrop

Christmas Day

Today was a busy day. Family came to visit.

Today’s word is JOY!

My first thought, “Joy to the World, the Lord is come. Let earth receive her king.”

Joy and happiness, though similar are not the same. Happiness comes by circumstances, joy exists despite the circumstances. Hope is a key ingredient in joy. We can have joy because we have hope for a better outcome.

Jesus went to the cross because He knew the restoration of humanity with God would come through His actions. Therefore He faced it with joy.

We have spent a lot of time alone. Norm sleeps a lot. Chemo knocks down one’s immune system so that in cold and flu season, he can’t go out easily. Big crowds carry big risks. For a time, he didn’t want to have anyone come and see him in this weakened condition. Fortunately for me, he was gracious to allow me to leave him for an hour or so, without making me feel guilty. Not every caretaker has that.

This past two weeks, he has enjoyed a number of visitors. I’m realizing that we are social people, we need interaction with others. Sharing our stories, hopes and dreams fills us in a way that we cannot get in isolation. There is healing in the laughter and joy that comes with family and friends.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

You (God) will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalms 16:11

The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over. you with shouts of joy. Zephaniah 3:17

It’s fun to picture God rejoicing over us…just like a parent watching his/her child as they speak, act and play.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10

Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy be made full. John 15:9-11

I am thankful for family and friends.

I pray for those who don’t have anyone around them, that they will find a friend, reconnect with family, or restore a lost relationship.

I rejoice that Jesus Christ endured the cross for the joy set before Him, our full restoration to relationship with God.

Where’s the joy? I have friends and family with whom to share my life.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 20, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 19

Less than a week to Christmas. I had mixed emotions all day.

Being a caretaker is tiring. I remember Mom saying about Dad, he’s not difficult, but it’s the every day, every hour making sure he had what he needed.

Norm isn’t difficult, and he does more on his own than my dad did, but the constant need to be on guard for changes and to be aware of when he needs encouragement takes its toll. Norm lets me go out with friends and family, so I’m not housebound, but I am weary today. It’s been a rough two weeks.

I’m hoping for a much better week next week, so we can visit my niece in her new place for Christmas dinner.

I finally put up a few decorations, my heart is not into putting in the effort this year, only to take it down…

One of my favorite memories as a child was when I would wake before dawn Christmas morning and turn on the lights of the tree, sit on the register to stay warm, and enjoy the glow. I will put up a tree and its lights tomorrow…perhaps it will help.

I am thankful for the love and prayers of many family and friends.

I pray for those who are suffering from illness, loss of a loved one, and broken relationships…comfort and wisdom for all.

I rejoice that God remains faithful at all times in every way.

Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds’ feet, and makes me walk on my high places. Habakkuk 3:17-19

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 19, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 18

Sad news, Tony passed into heaven this morning. Well, sad for his family and friends, a day of rejoicing for him because he is with the Lord Jesus and no longer in pain.

Death is brought to the forefront of my thoughts again. Once, I gave a speech on Jesus’ crucifixion, I began with, “Death, the Final Frontier”.

As Jesus hung on the cross, he experienced death and a separation from God for the very first time from eternity. He knew it would be difficult, and prayed for God to find another way to save people from their sins. In the end, He yielded to God’s plan.

We can have a lot of head knowledge, but the experience takes it to a new level. We will all face our own death at some point. On this side, we don’t have the experience, just some knowledge about how it happens. We only have faith as to what lies beyond, it is truly our final frontier.

The death of a loved one brings a grief that overwhelms us. We are somewhat sustained by the hope of a painless and joyful eternal life in the presence of the Lord.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I believe that once this earthly body dies, it will be as if I go to sleep and wake in the presence of the Lord. Will that help me face death with more hope and less fear? I really don’t know.

I am thankful that Jesus came to earth to experience death for us, so that we live in heaven with the Lord forever.

I pray for Tony’s family as they deal with the loss of their loved one, that they will have the peace and comfort that only God can give.

I rejoice that we have the hope of eternal life.

Where’s the joy? God cared enough about each one of us, that He sent Jesus to suffer on the cross so that we could live forever with Him.

As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:14-16

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 19, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 17

Norm is back in the chemo pit. The day began well, we went out for breakfast, then about three pm, he crashed. He didn’t feel well and slept the rest of the day. One never knows from day to day whether it will be up or down.

It came on suddenly and a day later than expected. I can assure him that it will only last a day or two, but his mind can’t wrap itself around hope when he is in the pit. All I can do is sit beside him and comfort him until he settles.

We are in the middle of this marathon. I know these days will happen, seven more treatments to go. I also know that next week he will feel much better and stronger.

Going through this reminds me of one of Jesus’ miracles. They passed a man blind from birth. The disciples asked the cause of the blindness…his fault or his parents? But Jesus said it was so that God could be glorified. This man lived all his life, day after day without hope of ever seeing. Then one day Jesus came and he was totally healed.

We can ask all kinds of questions. Why did this man have to suffer with blindness until he was an adult? Why this man, and another left unhealed? Why do we have to suffer at all? I don’t know the whys, but I know that God is sovereign and God is good. He’s God, He makes the decisions and one day we will discover what our suffering is all about.

As He passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?”

Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of Him who sent Me as long as it is day; night is coming when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the Light of the world”

When He had said this, He spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and applied the clay to his eyes and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam (which is translated Sent). So he went away and washed, and came back seeing. John 9:1-7

I am thankful for the Sovereign Lord, who knows all things and makes the right decisions.

I pray for the healing of Donna, Kathy, Tony and Norm as they go through chemotherapy to eliminate their cancer.

I rejoice in the Lord who does heal, even if in his sovereignty he chooses not to.

Where is the joy? The joy of the Lord, is my strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Blessed be the Lord, because He has heard the voice of my supplication The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him. Psalm 28:6-7

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 18, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 16

Norm is doing great today. He learned how close he was to dying, and is amazed at how much he has improved.

Today, I got some bad news. A friend with cancer may be going into hospice. An uncle of my daughter’s boyfriend tried to commit suicide. A local women’s choir I love to sing with is going through some major upheaval.

Jesus said in John 16:33, “In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

We’d love to live trouble free lives…is there such a thing? Hopefully our troubles cause us to lift up our eyes to the One who can help…and if He doesn’t take the trouble away, He will walk through it with us.

I am thankful to have been able to participate in the Nativity Choir this year.

I pray for Tony to be cured of cancer, for Ideen’s family as they deal with an attempted suicide and its repercussions, and the ladies choir.

I rejoice that even though it all looks like a mess, the Lord has this.

Where’s the joy? For unto you is born in the city of David, a Savior which is Christ the Lord.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10-11

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