This week Norm and I had planned a celebration cruise. Chemo was supposed to be finished. He should have had eight weeks of rehab and recovery. He bought a stationary bike so that his energy and stamina would be improved.
I decided to go ahead on the cruise. My sister will be joining me.
It’s just another reminder of what I’ve lost, another step in a world without Norm…my new normal. He used to joke that he was always Norm L.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the support of family and friends.
I pray for courage to keep from isolating myself.
I rejoice that God is always with me no matter what the circumstances.
But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you, for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-3
“It is what it is.” A coping quote for me, Norm didn’t like it, considering it the sign of a fatalistic attitude. But for me, it indicated a situation that would not change, and my need to figure out how to respond despite the circumstance.
My grandson, Sawyer, told his friends, “My mommy is sad because Poppop is dead.”
It is what it is. Norm is gone from this world. That won’t change. One day I’ll see him again in heaven, but right now, I need to figure out how to respond to life. I have a new normal…well, I’m trying to figure out my new normal.
9/11…we all got a new normal. We could no longer see friends off or greet friends at the gate. We had to remove shoes and belts to go through the long lines at the airports. Some of us have been subjected to embarrassing searches in the name of security.
Covid brought a new normal. I still give people space when in a line. A negative of covid, a lot of Americans are no longer kind. Hospitals and restaurants have to remind us to be kind to the people who are serving us.
It is what it is.
How am I adjusting? Some days better than others. Today I watched a recording of our church service from several weeks ago. I will say this, that is a positive result of covid, church services on line, so that we can hear what we’ve missed.
Chris spoke about the need for singing in our worship, and just for our life in general. When we sing the Word of God, we are engaging our minds, emotions and spirit, all with that one act. it encourages and lifts us up, so that we can serve the Lord more effectively.
The sermon made me realize that I’m not singing like I used to. I think it’s a side effect of what I’ve been through these last few months…but I don’t have to stay there. I can choose to sing. I can make a conscious effort to sing and praise the Lord, despite my circumstances.
When I got in the car today, I listened to the Imperials, the first song, “Praise the Lord”…regardless of the circumstances, the Lord is faithful.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful that the Lord gave us music to encourage, challenge, and uplift us.
I pray for wisdom to walk this new normal in a way that brings honor to Him.
I rejoice that God is always faithful and worthy of all praise and honor.
Where’s the joy? There are lots of reasons to have joy…music, family and friends.
Last night I went to our Good Friday Service.I thought about the Tennebrae Service that we used to do at Grace Chapel in Clifton Park. The word tennebrae means shadows, and we would go through the last actions of Christ before his crucifixion and with each shadow, the sanctuary would get darker until there was no light. We would leave in total darkness and silence.
For our service several people would speak about each shadow. One year our pastor met me at the door and said that one of the speakers was ill and would I fill in. So I read the Scripture passage, prayed and wrote a speech. Norm talked about it years later…just because of my opening line. “Death, the final frontier.”
Matthew 26:36–42 The Garden of Gethsemane
Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to His disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.” And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? “Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” He went away again a second time and prayed, saying, “My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done.”
As I’ve gone through this time with Norm, first with his cancer and then dealing with his death, my talk a number of years ago hit on what I’m going to share now. Norm spoke to me about how he never understood about cancer. He did not realize how very painful it was, and that going through chemo, there are days one can’t rise up to do…and unless one goes through the experience, one doesn’t know.
That’s why it is important to have the support and encouragement of those who have been there. We can pray, we can sympathize, but we don’t really know unless we experience it.
I’m going through it now as a widow, my friends who have walked this road are a great encouragement…they know. I do appreciate the prayers and support of those who have not walked this road, and I would not wish this on anyone, but there’s a different compassion from those who have walked it before.
When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane and felt so weighted down by his coming crucifixion and death, he had never experienced death. He knew about death. He knew what came after death. He saw the effects of death. But he had never personally experienced death. He didn’t want to, we see that in his prayer, “If there is any other way, don’t make me go through this.”
His time on the cross did not just involve death. He took on the sins of every person who has ever lived. He took on our sins, past, present and future. He became sin for us, and took on the penalty of God’s wrath, so that we could become the righteousness of God. He, a man without sin, paid the penalty of death so that we could live eternally with God.
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21
As he took on all of our sins, he had another experience he knew about, but had never experienced. For the first time in all eternity that came before, he felt the absence of God’s presence. He cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mt 27:46)
On the cross, Jesus experienced the weight of sin, the wrath of God, the absence of God, and death. Why would he do that?
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10
Norm explained the salvation provided by Jesus on the cross in this way. Think of an excel spreadsheet where all your good words and actions are assets and your wrong words and actions are debits.
When we all face God in heaven, we will be asked to give an accounting of our words and actions. Some think that if our good outweigh the bad, then we will enter into heaven…but that’s because we don’t understand a holy God. Sin cannot be in the presence of God, and all of us have fallen short of the perfection required to get into heaven.
But God sent his son, Jesus, who lived a life without sin. He lived a perfect life, loving others and loving God with all his heart, soul and mind. When he died on the cross, he took on himself all of our imperfections, and paid the penalty of God’s wrath and death for all of us.
When we come to realize that in our own power we are not good enough to earn heaven…since perfection is required…and none of us are perfect, then if we realize that Jesus paid that penalty, his excel spreadsheet of perfection can be copied and pasted on our spreadsheet, so that when we stand before the Lord, it is Jesus’ life of perfection that is revealed to our credit. Our words and actions, both good and bad are replaced by those of Jesus. His righteousness is credited to us and we can live forever with him.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:5-11
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful that Jesus came to earth as a man and took my sins on the cross, so that I can walk with him for eternity.
I pray for wisdom and courage each day to walk in the way that Jesus walked, loving God and loving others.
I rejoice that God loved us enough to send Jesus to us.
Where’s the joy? It’s in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. For without the words and actions of Jesus, we would have no hope.
Tough week. The reality of Norm’s death hits me everyday. My friends who are widows say that it will get better…they know…they’ve been there.
I’ve started a new Bible study on hope because right now, hope is my lifeline. My hope is in God, who is my salvation. Tomorrow we celebrate, actually we remember the death of Christ on the cross. He took all our sins and all our sorrows, dying and paying the penalty for our sins and rejection of the creator God. Sunday, we celebrate His resurrection. He came to give us life, eternal life.
Because of what Christ did on the cross…I have hope. Hope that God will guide me while I remain here on earth, hope that I will see Norm again when I go to walk with God in the garden.
I read Psalm 42 today.
As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God.
Our spiritual self needs God in our lives, just as our physical self needs water. Sometimes dehydration sneaks up on us, we aren’t aware of how thirsty we are, but there will come a time when the thirst cannot be denied.
My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God. When can I go to meet with God?
God hears our prayers, He is the Living God who actively hears and sees us. he is always present even when we do not sense Him in our lives. Norm is walking with God, fully aware of who God is and how much God loves.
My tears have been my food, day and night, while men say to me, “Where is your God?”
It’s true, my tears fall down my cheeks, often unbidden, but there all the same. I’m never sure when they will overflow.
I don’t have anyone asking about God’s presence in my life. Indeed, I have a lot of encouragement from others of God’s faithfulness.
These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitudes, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
Songs of joy and festivity are not a part of my worship. Instead the worship songs bring tears to my eyes that pour down my cheeks.
Why are you downcast, o my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in god, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to weep and a time to mourn. I’m in a time of weeping that will not last forever. There will be a time when the memory brings a smile, not tears. There will be a time when the songs I sing to the Lord will be joyful, not full of sorrow. There will be a time when the pain of loss will be wrapped and sealed, occasionally breaking out with a new wave of pain, only to be resealed by love and good memories.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the 44 years I had with Norm, and I’m thankful that I miss him, it reveals he meant a lot to me.
I pray for grace as I take the time to grieve my loss.
I rejoice that Jesus Christ came to earth as a man, to die on the cross so that I can have hope in the resurrection which leads to eternal life.
Where’s the joy? My joy is in the Lord…even when the tears fall.
It’s been a tough day. I saw this picture and thought “I will not see this smile again”…at least not until I get to heaven. On the worst of my days, Norm could always make me laugh.
Sometimes I can push through, other times I am overwhelmed with sorrow. I know it is to be expected, it doesn’t make the pain any less. When you love someone, it hurts when they are gone.
I miss his presence, his laughter, his wisdom…the house is very quiet without him. I can turn on the TV or music…just not the same.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the great memories that I have of Norm. We loved each other, raised wonderful kids, and had some great adventures.
I pray for grace for myself, and that I will extend grace to others.
I rejoice that God is faithful. He has a plan. I can trust Him to do what is best, and to walk me through the path He has laid out before me.
This is tough. I know I’ve said that before, and I knew it would be hard…but wow! It’s as if a part of me is missing. I took Norm’s presence for granted…his encouragements, his jokes, even the things that aggravated me…what I wouldn’t give for one more day…
The last two days I’ve done what was necessary, nothing more. The tears come at unexpected times.
I think I’ve contacted everyone I need to regarding Norm’s passing. There are still a few calls for subscriptions and credit cards, but those are not essential. I’m waiting for a few more papers that will need to be filled out, and copies of the death certificate sent.
Bills are coming in from his hospital stays and treatments. Norm always said that a person’s medical expenses are higher at the end of life than for all the years before. I don’t know how someone manages to pay those bills without insurance. I know a mega bill for the hospital stay is yet to come. I spoke to the insurance and a number of the bills are still under evaluation as to how much they will pay.
I don’t know if taking care of the details right after a death is a blessing or a curse. On one hand, it takes the focus off the loss, providing an activity that gives a momentary escape from grieving. On the other hand, the frustration of having to act quickly, finding phone numbers and filling out papers takes the focus off the loss making it difficult to grieve.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful that we have insurance, it doesn’t pay all, but it does pay some and every little bit helps.
I pray for wisdom and guidance as I walk the path before me.
I rejoice that God has all this in His hand. He knows my future. He knows every struggle that will come my way. He knows that I will have successes and failures. He has a plan for my life that is far better than I can see at this time.
Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
This I recall to miming, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord.
It’s been a little over a month since I said my final “I love you” to Norm. It seems far longer.
Yesterday as I returned from Savannah, GPS took me off the main highway due to road construction on I-40. Every turn reminded me of traveling through the hills with Norm and stopping for lunch at a local diner in the small towns. I drove through Maggie Valley and over Newfound Gap and remembered watching the elk that had gathered in each place and seeing Norm’s joy as he tried to take the perfect picture. He always hoped for that iconic shot of two male elk fighting it out…usually after a few bellows, one will run away.
When I got home, I started going through some things. I would start to ask Norm a question, and realize he wasn’t there.
I’d start to ask if he wanted to go do something, but he wasn’t there.
I dozed off and when I awoke, looked for Norm, but he wasn’t there.
I thought of something funny to tell him, about what Sierra and Sawyer had done, but he wasn’t there.
We had over 44 years together…but now, he’s not here. This is hard, but it is my new reality.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the years we had together and the memories that I will have for the rest of my life.
I pray for strength and wisdom to walk this path, realizing that I I will walk some of it alone, but I need to make sure I don’t isolate myself.
I rejoice that while people will leave, God will never forsake us. He promises to be with us always.
But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. “For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I texted Norm today. I just needed to let him know how much I miss him. My head knows he’s gone, my heart grieves his passing, but part of me still denies the finality of his death.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for the blessing of Norm in my life.
I pray for the strength and wisdom to walk this earth as God would have me walk.
I rejoice that death is not final, that because of Jesus Christ, there is more to come.
Where’s the joy? Hope in the Lord.
O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill?
He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart.
He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend; in whose eyes a reprobate is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord;
He swears to his own hurt and does not change; He does to put out his money at interest, nor does he take a bribe against the innocent.
We are coming up on a month since Norm passed. The celebration of life is completed. Aimee left two precious joys with me for a few days. They are keeping me busy.
Last night, Sawyer awoke, crying for his mommy. At first I tried to soothe him, but then I just joined him in the tears. How will I do this?
I have a number of widow friends, encouraging me…by just telling me they are praying. They’ve walked this path, some of them a couple of times. The only path is through the grief, embracing the love that grief reveals, and loving those who are still walking this earthly road.
At one point during Norm’s cancer and treatment, he said, “Everything has been taken away from me…except love. I still have God’s love, the love of my wife and children, the love of family and friends. The love they have for me does not depend on what I can do for them. Right now, I can do nothing except be a burden and they still love me.”
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.
We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.
We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us.
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.
1 John 4:7–21
Where is the joy?
I am thankful for my family and friends who continue to encourage me in this walk.
I pray for the strength and wisdom to show love to others, not only by my words but by my actions.
I rejoice that God loved us and sent Jesus Christ to enable us to enter into God’s presence without fear.
Where is the joy? It is in the love of family and friends who are there in the good times and the bad.
Yesterday we took the grandkids to the Upside-down house in Pigeon Forge, actual name, Wonderworks. Norm spoke often of wanting to take the grands to this attraction. It seemed that it would be like an interactive museum, with optical illusions and other interesting scientific interactions.
There were some…we walked through a tunnel that had us all leaning to the right because of the appearance of spinning. We touched lightning with a gloved hand. Steve lay on a bed of nails. Sawyer and Sierra had a good time with giant bubbles, even ending up inside of one. They colored in dinosaurs that came to life on the screen. Sierra, Steve and I played laser tag.
It was more like an arcade…lots of games and crowded. Norm would not have enjoyed it…especially since Sierra and Sawyer were not willing to do a lot of the events. But Norm would have enjoyed spending time with them. They bless both of us, every time we spend time with them.
Grandchildren are the crown of old men. Proverbs 17:6a.
We drove along the Foothills Parkway to get home. Beautiful scenery greeted us at every turn, not fall beautiful, but beautiful all the same.
Yesterday and today, the tears stand at the edge of my eyes, ready to leak out down my cheeks. He loved time with the grands. We spent a lot of time on the Foothills Parkway. Norm and I went there for lunch during covid, enjoying the views.
The memories are mostly good, the sorrow over losing Norm, deep. But I can choose each day to take another step and rely on the Lord to guide me each step of the way.
Where’s the joy? Harder some days than others.
I am thankful for my children and grandchildren, they are truly are a blessing of the Lord.
I pray for strength and wisdom to walk in the ways of the Lord.
I rejoice that the Lord remains faithful.
Where’s the joy? I think that for awhile it will be found in family and friends.
TRICIA LATHROP 