Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 6, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 5

Our visit to the oncologist did not go as expected. In the last seven days I’ve watched my husband’s progress in this journey fade away. His appetite, his strength, his freedom from pain, his forward thinking all gone.

Our plans for a cruise in April and Yellowstone with friends in September, all on hold while we wait to see what the new scans tell us about his condition. How does one hope for a brighter future yet prepare for the worst case scenario?

We will wait for the results, an uncertain future. We are moved to the front of the line as far as getting scans, they will be done within the week. Meanwhile, the scheduled chemo treatments will continue.

Again, not the path we would have chosen. We have seen time after time when the Lord intervened in the eleventh hour, preserving his life. I cry. I pray. I do what I can to make him comfortable while we wait for answers.

Where’s the joy? Tough question today.

I am thankful for every day I have with Norm. We have had some great times.

I pray for Norm’s healing, God can intervene again. But if God chooses to take Norm home to be with Him, then I pray for strength to continue and be the support Norm will need.

I rejoice that whatever comes our way, we are loved by the Lord God Almighty.

Where’s the joy? If the cancer has returned, God gave me a few extra months with the man I love.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. John 4:7-11

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 4, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 3

Another day of uncertainty. Norm will go to the doctor tomorrow so that they can evaluate how best to help him through this struggle. I’m hoping he just needs some fluid or hemoglobin, to help him with the chemo treatments.

Today, I had a flat tire, I picked up a nail when I ran over some debris. Norm usually takes care of issues with the car. He did remind me not to drive on the flat…so I called AAA. Then he told me where he takes the cars for tire issues…Matlock’s in Maryville. Nice people, fixed my problem without charging me.

It took me back to the first days of the chemo diagnosis, when it looked like Norm wasn’t going to live.

Even in all the uncertainty, I have hope. This could all be just a minor set back, though it looks more serious. Extra fluids tomorrow could give him the energy he needs to continue with strength on the road to recovery. I don’t know what’s coming, but God does.

Christians often quote Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” Sounds great, I’ll take that promise. But it comes before their exile to Babylon for 70 years.

God’s plan for good sometimes comes through suffering. I don’t know God’s plans for our future, but He knows and I can trust Him to have a plan for our good and not calamity.

Where’s the Joy?

I am thankful that God cares for each one of us and has a plan specific to each one of us.

I pray that as Norm and I walk this journey God has chosen, that we will be able to encourage and bless others along the way.

I rejoice in God my Savior. He who is mighty has done great things. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Where’s the joy? “Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;

He guides me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You have anointed my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 3, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 2

What do you do when you are at the end of your rope…and that rope is totally frayed?

Yesterday, I wanted to just walk away from the struggle and not come back for an overnight…a 24 hour breather. Find a hotel with a great view, and just regroup. I’m overwhelmed…but only 3 more treatments to go.

I know it’s worse for Norm, he has cancer. As the caregiver, this is not easy. It takes its toll physically and emotionally.

Norm seems to have returned to some of the pre-treatment symptoms. He’s not eating as much, sleeping more, getting angry more…but that could be the steroids or the meds, he’s on some pretty powerful stuff that has to be interfering with everything.

We got good reports from the doctors, but this day to day is draining. I’m dealing with a fear that this is the new normal. I don’t know what’s ahead, and this is probably just an irrational fear that rears its ugly head and messes with me psychologically.

Talking with my adult kids about this, we concluded that we are at mile 20 of the marathon…where both my girls always hit the marathon wall. We only have a quarter of the treatments to go, the finish line is in sight. We have hope that his cancer will be cured and this nightmare will be over.

As I have what I call my patti pity party, I’m reminded that we are in a good place. Norm’s treatment is working. Others have walked this road, with no hope of a cure, having chemo to keep the pain at bay while they pass. Some have not even got to have treatments, the cancer being found too late. There are some who walk this road alone. I am truly blessed with family and friends who walk alongside.

This morning I lay in bed and did a lot of crying. I didn’t want to face the day. A song came to mind from Disney’s Frozen 2. Anna had lost Elsa, Olaf and had discovered that her grandfather had deceived and cheated a group of people. As she struggled with the loss, she sang, “Do the Next Right Thing.”

Where’s the joy? Giving up is not an option. I will face today, tomorrow and the days following with the grace that God provides. I will endeavor to deal with Norm, knowing that God is the One who determines the outcome and gives strength to make it day by day.

I am thankful that we have hope in a cure and restoration of health for Norm.

I pray for those who are walking with no hope, that they will be given the strength and courage to persevere. And that amidst their struggle, they will be able to find peace and joy that God provides.

I rejoice that God has this, no matter what comes our way.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:2-5

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on January 31, 2025 by tricialathrop

January 30

Most days are going well, today started great and then crashed and burned with a total meltdown. I spoke to the doctor about these episodes, and while unfortunate, not unexpected. They had given us meds to deal with the anxiety when needed. Don’t need them often, but we do on days like this.

We do see this time of struggle coming to a close. The chemos are working and only three to go over the next four weeks.

It’s been a tough road, but God has been faithful to us. Some days have seemed like more than we can handle, but God always provides what we need to get through the day.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for friends who check in and take the time to listen.

I pray for an awareness of the needs of others, so I can pay the kindness forward to others who need encouragement.

I rejoice in the fact that God is always present, even when I don’t feel him.

Where’s the joy? Today, it’s friends and family who walk alongside us.

Put on then as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving eah other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

And above all, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on January 24, 2025 by tricialathrop

January 24

It’s been a rough few weeks. I came down with the flu. Norm has had two treatments since I last posted. We’ve had good news, the cancer is shrinking throughout his body.

Tough to take, the build up of the chemicals in his body are taking their toll on his stamina and mental fortitude.

Tomorrow we begin the last leg of the race, the final quarter. The end is in sight, only four more treatments. But the path ahead still looks daunting. Most trained distance runners always have a kick saved for the final laps…but cancer comes upon us and no one has trained for that final kick to make it through.

My daughter ran a marathon without a lot of training. She made it through the middle portion by asking people alongside the road to cheer for her, and they did. But the last leg of the journey, it was a matter of one foot in front of the other, a dogged determination to make it through.

Tonight, Norm’s frustration reached a low, “Four more treatments…how am I going to make it?”

My response, “You will make it in the same way you’ve made it so far. People are praying. People are hoping for you to come through this totally healed. People are cheering you on to the completion of the treatment. The Lord has carried you this far, He will be with you throughout the treatment.”

He is resting peacefully now. I hope he sleeps through the night and awakens refreshed.

I am thankful that we are not facing this treatment alone, we have friends and family for encouragement all along the way.

I pray that the final treatments will do what they are intended to do, and that Norm will have the strength of body and mind to continue to fight to beat cancer.

I rejoice that, no matter how it looks, God has this.

Where is the joy? I can’t say I’ve seen much joy today, it’s been tough. The joy is found in trusting in God’s faithfulness, appearances are deceiving, but God remains faithful.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might, He increases power.

Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:28-31

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on January 13, 2025 by tricialathrop

January 12

It’s been a few weeks. Norm got a great report, the lesion on his brain is almost gone. We are still waiting on the results of the body chemo.

Even though we have great news, it is tough maintaining a positive attitude. I guess chemo builds up in one’s body as the treatments progress. Norm is definitely doing better, he no longer needs a wheelchair to get around…but he struggles with continual weakness. This week he got down on the floor to fix a lose wire, and could not get back up.

It becomes a mind game. The reports say he should feel better, and he does, but not as much as he thinks he should. As a caretaker, first time through this, it is also difficult to encourage when I think he should be doing better.

We are in the middle third of the marathon and it is difficult. It takes every bit of strength and resolve that one has…but it feels as if all the strength and resolve no longer exists, and every bit of reserve is drained.

Where’s the joy, when the road is hard and we cannot even conjure up a positive thought? It feels like a major bump in the road that knocks us down, bringing progress to a grinding halt.

I think we have to settle in faith, what do I believe? When our senses tell us it’s too hard to continue, what keeps us going?

Jesus never promised an easy life. But he did promise to never leave us or forsake us.

God created us to live in community, so that we have friends and family to walk alongside us in our struggles.

I am thankful that the chemo treatments are working.

I pray for strength to continue fighting through the buildup of the chemo in the body.

I rejoice that God has this all in His hand. I can trust Him to do what is best.

Where’s the joy? Trusting in the One who always has our best in mind.

Sometimes, our fight is an object lesson to encourage those around us. Our struggle for integrity as we walk the path, may encourage another to keep going. People around the US are seeing their prayers for Norm answered, many we don’t even know.

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah.

You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.”

Then my spirit made diligent search: Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion? Selah.

Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.

Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. Psalm 77:1-14

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on January 13, 2025 by tricialathrop

December 31

New Year’s Eve!

Good news for Norm today. The chemo has reduced the brain lesion significantly. Body scan on Thursday to see if the same has happened in his liver, spleen and kidneys. One month ago, his life stood in jeopardy. Today, hope reigns.

We went out to celebrate. Few foods appeal to him, but ribs sounded good so that’s what we got. The waitress asked about New Year’s Resolutions…I’m still struggling with that.

Every year I struggle. I usually didn’t keep/finish the resolutions from the year before. What makes me think l’ll be successful? Some years I just ditto the ones from the previous year.

One year I made no resolutions, big mistake. I had no aim or purpose for the year. I don’t do that anymore, the struggle was worse with no aim at all.

Here we go:

  1. Live what I believe. I want my words and actions to line up with my belief in Jesus Christ as the Son of God who came to earth to die for my sins and provide the means for me to be in God’s presence.
  2. Reach out first. I do tend to hold back and wait to be greeted. I want to introduce myself, write notes of encouragement, and make phone calls.
  3. Give thanks in every situation. God has this.

Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hind’s feet, and makes me walk on my high places. Habakkuk 3:17-19

I am thankful for Norm’s good report today.

I pray for wise choices from all in leadership around the world.

I rejoice that regardless of the choices made, God has this all in His hand.

Where’s the joy? The Lord is my joy and strength.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 29, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 28

Norm is the best he’s been, partially steroids, partially due to the dying cancer. I don’t want assume that this will continue, chemo pit is yet to come.

On these days, while Norm is in the hospital, my mind veges out a bit, taking a break from having to keep track of every little thing. I’m looking forward to the day when he is totally self-sufficient again, but that is still months away.

We are coming up on a new year. Usually, I’m considering a verse for the year. Sometimes it’s gratitude, sometimes it’s a spiritual challenge for behavior or habits.

I have been on survival mode for the last 4 months. But now, Norm might actually survive this cancer.

He’s concerned about who he will be once this is done. Near death experiences change people. I’m wondering the same thing about me, will the constant caretaking change me in some way?

What am I going to do in facing 2024? Do I go ahead and make goals for the year? Do I just make it a goal to live each day until Norm is through this? What scripture will help me get through this and then move forward?

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.”

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.

Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.”

But as it is, you boast in your arrogance, all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:13-17

We really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. All I do know, is that cancer has shown me that planning ahead needs to be flexible. It doesn’t always work out the way we’d like. But whatever comes my way, God is there.

I am thankful that Norm’s chemo seems to be working and he will be whole again.

I pray for the faithful nurses, doctors, janitors, nutritionists and all others involved in helping my husband to recover.

I rejoice that God has tomorrow in His hand.

Where’s the joy? I am looking forward with hope.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 26, 2024 by tricialathrop

Christmas Day

Today was a busy day. Family came to visit.

Today’s word is JOY!

My first thought, “Joy to the World, the Lord is come. Let earth receive her king.”

Joy and happiness, though similar are not the same. Happiness comes by circumstances, joy exists despite the circumstances. Hope is a key ingredient in joy. We can have joy because we have hope for a better outcome.

Jesus went to the cross because He knew the restoration of humanity with God would come through His actions. Therefore He faced it with joy.

We have spent a lot of time alone. Norm sleeps a lot. Chemo knocks down one’s immune system so that in cold and flu season, he can’t go out easily. Big crowds carry big risks. For a time, he didn’t want to have anyone come and see him in this weakened condition. Fortunately for me, he was gracious to allow me to leave him for an hour or so, without making me feel guilty. Not every caretaker has that.

This past two weeks, he has enjoyed a number of visitors. I’m realizing that we are social people, we need interaction with others. Sharing our stories, hopes and dreams fills us in a way that we cannot get in isolation. There is healing in the laughter and joy that comes with family and friends.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

You (God) will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalms 16:11

The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over. you with shouts of joy. Zephaniah 3:17

It’s fun to picture God rejoicing over us…just like a parent watching his/her child as they speak, act and play.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10

Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy be made full. John 15:9-11

I am thankful for family and friends.

I pray for those who don’t have anyone around them, that they will find a friend, reconnect with family, or restore a lost relationship.

I rejoice that Jesus Christ endured the cross for the joy set before Him, our full restoration to relationship with God.

Where’s the joy? I have friends and family with whom to share my life.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on December 25, 2024 by tricialathrop

December 24

Today the word is peace. The angels announced to the shepherds about Jesus, “Peace on earth, good will to men.”

But Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote in the 19th century about the bells on Christmas Day, and said, “There is no peace on earth.” But he follows that with a statement about God, “He is not dead, nor doth He sleep.”

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
    And wild and sweet
    The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
    Had rolled along
    The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
    A voice, a chime,
    A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
    And with the sound
    The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
    And made forlorn
    The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
“There is no peace on earth,” I said;
    “For hate is strong,
    And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
    The Wrong shall fail,
    The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men.”

The Webster definition of peace: Freedom from disturbance; Tranquility; A state of no war. We live in troubled times, when people need to be reminded to treat the people around them with kindness.

Isaiah prophesies the titles that would be given to Jesus in Isaiah 9:6. The Prince of Peace will reign in the Kingdom of God. Romans 14 tells us, this kingdom consists of righteousness, peace, and joy. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I look forward to the day in eternity when the characteristics of righteousness, peace, and joy are at their fullest. But today, I can live in this temporal world and exhibit those qualities as I interact with the people around me.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Colossians 3:15-17.

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His oly begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:9-11

We will have peace when we begin to treat others as we want to be treated, without waiting for them to treat us well first.

Today at Walmart, yes, I was there at its busiest time, I had an opportunity to give some peace of mind to a young mom. She stood in the checkout line, scanning her items with her phone. At first I thought, hey, does Walmart have an app where you can check out with your phone. Then she began to pull out things to put back on the shelf. She prioritized her items and struggled with some decisions.

At this point, I remembered that I had $20 in my pocket. When I had discovered it, I questioned why I had put it there since I was going to use a card. I pulled it out and gave it to her.

I remember the struggle with young kids, wanting to give them a nice Christmas, but having to stay within a budget. Today, $20 isn’t going to break me, but for her, it meant she could keep the items in her basket. She cried as she thanked me, and I’m sure one day she will help a young mom in need.

Being kind doesn’t have to cost money. A smile, a kind word, a hug, a helping hand…all are free to give. With kindness, we can offer peace to the people around us, even those who don’t think or act as we think they should.

Jesus came to bring peace. We are the vessels that he can use to extend grace and mercy to those around us, that will lead to peace.

I am thankful that I have been blessed and have opportunities to pay it forward.

I pray for the woman today, that she and her family will have a fun and enjoyable Christmas Day.

I rejoice in Jesus, who came to bring peace as the Prince of Peace.

Where’s the joy? It is fun to give when there is no expectation of payback.

Jesus said: “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” John 14:27

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