March 7
Yesterday afternoon my husband went to walk with the Lord in His garden. My daughters and I were with him as he took his last breath on this world. They kept him comfortable so he didn’t feel any pain. We did, and spent some time crying at his bedside.
When we returned to the house, each room held reminders of his presence in my life. His photos and creations are all over the walls. His furniture, his clothes, and his Kleenex that he left all over. There were times I just sat, totally stunned at the reality. When I went to bed, I kept saying it was all a bad dream and that when I’d awake, Norm would be there.
I was so tired physically and emotionally that I went right to sleep and slept all night. I think it was the Lord’s blessing so that I could get through today.
Today I began working on some things I needed to take care of. Called the funeral to set up a meeting, called Social Security to arrange survivor’s benefits…a lot easier than I expected. However, I’m having trouble reaching Norm’s pension provider, a busy signal buzzed at me each time.
My girls, in an effort to keep themselves busy, helped me clean the house. It has been sorely neglected these last four weeks, and a little before that as we dealt with the cancer treatments.
The first order of business, take down the bookshelf that became an issue of contention between Norm and I. I spoke about it in a former post, when I yelled at Norm. His illness had changed his personality a bit, and I was frustrated. Looking at it reminded me of my failure, so down it came. My girls decided that neither of them wanted it, it would also remind them of the personality change that came over Norm before treatment.
We want to remember the good times, the fun, the adventure, the love.
We found things that made us cry. We found things that made us laugh.
We’ve received words of encouragement, flowers, phone calls, texts…distractions from the pain of the loss.
But now the day is done, and the reality of his death hits me anew. I want to push it aside, but I’m going to embrace the grief. When one loves much, the grief is deeper. I trust the Lord to walk me through all of this.
I am thankful for the peace that passes all understanding. Without it, I would not be able to function.
I pray for wisdom and courage to face each day, not only for me, but for my children and grandchildren as they also walk the path of grief.
I rejoice that Norm is walking with the Lord. It is a hope that brings me encouragement.
Where’s the joy? So many friends and family encouraging. Norm’s life is worth celebrating, he touched a lot of lives with his humor and his wisdom. His photos have brought joy to a lot of people all over the US.
Moving forward, just as during the cancer diagnosis and treatment, trusting in the Lord will be essential to my well being.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.
TRICIA LATHROP 