Posts Tagged With: grief

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on December 6, 2025 by tricialathrop

December 6

I’ve been trying to put up Christmas decorations. It’s more difficult than I thought. Lots of memories with ornaments from all our travels, nativities he has made or we bought on our travels or at the various craft fairs we’ve attended.

I attended the Christmas Carol the other day. My daughter Jenn and my sister Deb went with me. It’s a tradition that Norm and I began in New York at Proctor’s in Schenectady. When we moved to Tennessee, our first year we discovered a yearly production at Clarance Brown Theater. It’s not the first I’ve attended this program without him, last year, he was in the hospital so some family members joined me. But I expected he’d be able to join me this year.

This weekend I’ll be going to Biltmore for their Christmas display…another tradition with Norm. We would often go to Newport, RI for Christmas at the mansions there. I’ll have family with me, but it will be bitter sweet.

There are more events coming up for the season, one’s that I’ve shared with Norm or that he’s encouraged me to do. I’m walking one step at a time and entering each day as it comes. God is faithful!

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for these events that allow me to focus on the joy of the season, and remember some joyful times that Norm and I shared.

I pray for my friends who like me, are facing this season after the loss of a loved one. We can rest in the hope that Jesus Christ brought with his birth, they are rejoicing in heaven with the Lord.

I rejoice in the hope that came with the coming of the Messiah, and the promise that He will always be with us.

Where’s the joy? Joy to the World, the Lord has come.

Jesus’ Birth in Bethlehem
Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria.
And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.
Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.
While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened.
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
“This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.”
So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger.
When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds.
But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.
The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

Luke 2:1–20

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on August 1, 2025 by tricialathrop

August 1

A friend told me that I was keeping very busy, avoiding the grieving of my loss. She did the same after her husband passed but the grief will not be denied. It comes.

Yes, I am. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced. I awaken every day hoping the nightmare is over and Norm is already up, planning our next adventure. But he is off exploring all that heaven has to offer.

Not that all I’m doing to keep busy is bad…lunch with friends, golf with my nephews, trips with family…all good things and beneficial to my life moving forward. However, the electronic dopamine induced stupor from TV and gaming…not so beneficial.

We all grieve differently and on our own time tables. The process is challenging, sometimes frightening, and beyond our own ability. We need friends and family to walk beside us, to give us freedom to grieve and time to heal. But we also need that nudge that coaxes us out of our denial so that we don’t continue to dwell in an unhealthy hiding place, such as my electronic dopamine stupor.

I found a plaque the other day, and if I see it again I’ll get it. A quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Success is not in crops gathered but in seeds planted.”

There are small steps I can take, like removing a particularly time consuming game from my iPad, and setting up a workable schedule for writing.

He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.

As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.  (Ecclesiastes 11:4–6, ESV)

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my family and friends who walk with me.
I pray that I will be faithful to take those steps which will allow me to heal and that I will be planting seeds of hope and encouragement.
I rejoice that God remains faithful and that He has not left me to walk this path alone.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the hope found in the people around me.

To those of you who are praying for me and encouraging me, thank you!

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 31, 2025 by tricialathrop

Norman Douglas Lathrop, 68, passed away peacefully on Thursday, March 6, 2025 at UT Medical Center, with his wife and daughters present. 

Norm was born in Hammond, Indiana to Charles Sumner and Marilyn Francis Lathrop on July 14, 1956. He spent his childhood at Sharon Center, Ohio with his siblings Brian Keith Lathrop and Joyce Ellen Lathrop Davis. He graduated from Highland High School in Medina County, Ohio. He earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Engineering at the University of Kentucky. He was a mechanical engineer for over 30 years, specializing in jet engines, steam, and gas turbines.

Norm loved spending time with his family. He married Patricia Jo Akers Lathrop on June 21, 1980. He often took his children, Jennifer Joy Lathrop, Aimee Elizabeth Lathrop Woodin, and Robert Michael Lathrop on hiking adventures and various museums. He was a doting “Poppop” to Sierra Mae Woodin and Sawyer Robert Woodin whom he entertained with stories of his adventures and those of his children. 

Norm was a man of diverse passions. He explored history, expressed himself through drawing and storytelling, found solace in hiking, and captured beauty through photography. After retiring in 2014, he embarked on a journey to visit every U.S. National Park, successfully completing those in the contiguous United States and Hawaii, along with several in Alaska. His keen eye captured breathtaking landscapes, earning him photography awards. He also dedicated years to crafting detailed Civil War uniforms for 1/6 scale action figures. During the pandemic, he discovered a love for woodworking, creating cherished items for family and friends.

A devout follower of Jesus Christ, Norm shared his faith through teaching Junior High Sunday School, leading Bible studies, and engaging in thoughtful discussions about scripture. In his final days, his deepest longing was to walk and converse with the Lord in His garden.

He expressed profound gratitude for the compassionate care provided by the doctors, nurses, and staff at UT Medical Center, who diligently worked to extend his life.

Norm wanted everyone to know that he fought as hard as he could to survive the cancer. He appreciated all the prayers and good thoughts of his family, friends, and people he did not know. He was amazed and humbled by the love shown by so many.

Norm’s absence will be deeply felt by all who had the privilege of knowing him.

In lieu of flowers, please consider making a donation to the National Park Service, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, or another charity of your choice.

Yesterday, we had a Celebration of Life service for Norm. It all went beautifully. We displayed some of his artwork, photos, and some artwork by his granddaughter, Sierra.

Several stood to share what Norm had meant to them, and stories of his humor, his storytelling, and his dedication to the Lord. My children spoke of how great he was as a father. His friends spoke of his living life to the fullest and how he encouraged them.

I didn’t speak…couldn’t trust myself to keep it together. But I loved hearing how he ministered and cared for the people around him. After the service, several who had prayed for Norm, but never met him, wished they had met him.

I am amazed that I was able to get through the day. I have a theory: When we come together to honor someone who has died, I think God takes the grief that would fall on the family and spreads it out among all who attend, or who had desired to attend, because the grief on that day would be too much for the spouse or child to bear alone.

I know that the continued prayers of family and friends are giving me the strength I need to get through these first few weeks. There is so much that needs to be done. It’s overwhelming at times.

But the tears are flowing easier now. My family has been a real blessing, my children and siblings have made sure I’m not alone. Twenty-one of us went to one of Norm’s favorite restaurants for lunch, Hot Rods in Alcoa, TN. It was a great time together.

I feel his loss…I cry for me, he’s much better off, walking in the garden with the Lord. God still has more for me here.

I read Norm’s pondering while he was in the midst of chemo, and it looked like he was going to survive and be able to get out and do. His question, “What will I do with my extra days?”

As I continue on this road as a widow, it is a question for my own life. “What will I do with the days that God has granted me?”

He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap.

Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things.

Sow your seed in the morning and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will succeed, or whether both of them alike will be good.

Ecclesiastes 11:4-6

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for all the people who came to Norm’s Celebration of Life, to share what they knew of Norm, or to support me and my family in this time of grief.

I pray for wisdom to walk this path, allowing myself to grieve, but not to shut myself off from the people whom God will place in my path, either for my benefit, or theirs.

I rejoice that God’s plan is good and He will be faithful to me and my family as we walk this path of grief.

Where’s the joy? I find joy in the people that God has placed in my life, family and friends, and others I have not met as yet.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 10, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 9

Today, we all kept busy. It’s a temporary hold for the emotional grief that will be coming. No one bypasses the stages of grief.

  1. Denial: I still can’t believe that Norm is gone. I keep thinking I’ll awaken and find it to be just an awful dream.
  2. Anger: I did some of that during Norm’s chemo. I’m not sure how it will mammofest itself. Will I be angry at Norm? Will I be angry at God? Will I have unrealistic expectations of my family and friends and end up angry at them?
  3. Bargaining: I am keeping busy to keep from being overwhelmed by the emotions.
  4. Depression: I’m hoping to have friends around me when this one hits so I don’t wallow in self pity.
  5. Acceptance: Someone told me that grief never goes away, but it does get cushioned so that we can move forward in life. It’s like the grief gets surrounded by a little balloon. Unexpectedly, that balloon can be popped and the searing emotions will rise again to the surface.

Today I had a lot of time with family. We laughed, we were sad. They came and helped me take down the Christmas tree. When we put it up, Norm said that we would keep it up until his chemo was finished. We would have a party with my sister and maybe the kids, and take it down.

For the last month I have turned on the lights each morning, hoping for the day when we would take it down, and then for next Christmas when Norm and I would put it back up again. He won’t be there.

Many hands helped to remove the ornaments and pack them away. I think it was a blessing that it came down quickly and with my family. I’m not sure I could have done it myself…not without a lot of tears.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my children, my sister, my niece and nephews who all came to help me perform a task that would have been hard for me to do.

I pray for the days ahead, that I will walk faithfully in the Lord as I allow myself to grieve the loss of Norm. I also pray that I will not try to walk this path alone, but will reach out to the many friends and family who are trying to be there for me.

I rejoice Jesus promised to never leave nor forsake me. I will be holding onto that promise.

Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 11:6

The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or dismayed. Deuteronomy 11:8

Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” so that we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on February 19, 2025 by tricialathrop

February 18

It’s been a rough few days. Norm continues to ride the roller coaster between going to die and going to live.

My plan was to take him home yesterday. Dr Cutrer said that it would be morally and medically unethical to send him home. BP still iffy, but his oxygen levels had dropped so much that there was no way to give him the oxygen he needed. And still, we wait for answers.

The question is what really is the cause…there are all kinds of fungus. Cultures still growing.

Norm’s brother and sister came, they helped to bolster his spirit, I think the pain meds helped to return Norm to his wisecracking self.I heard Norm laugh multiple times, and he was nice to the nurses.

I’ve decided to tell Norm that he is free to stop the fight. If he wants to live, which is what I want, he needs to do it for himself, not so that he’s not a disappointment. I don’t know if he heard me, but he is my hero….very supportive and encouraging for all my endeavors.

This writing was interrupted. Norm came back from his MRI, in pain (not from the MRI), and agitated. He kept saying over and over, “Oh Lord, you are my God, and I will ever praise you.”

He was in a lot of pain, his oxygen and BP levels were sinking. The nurses put a mask on him and told him to continue the chant, just in his head because talking caused his oxygen level to reduce.

I sang the song to him as he tried to focus on breathing. Song after song, but the oxygen level stayed too low. The nurses looked very concerned.

Suddenly about ten people entered the room, in a rush and began to work with Norm. Dr Cutrer took us out into the hall and asked us what had happened. Then he spoke to one of the nurses. Norm would need to go to ICU and possibly get a breathing tube.

I spoke to Norm about the tube, he was concerned that it would be the rest of his life. I assured him only a few days, giving the doctors a few more days to find the treatment that would get rid of the fevers, and allow him to continue his cancer treatment.

They rushed him to ICU, where he got agitated again, he was confused and I wasn’t allowed in the room while they got him hooked up to monitors and a breathing apparatus…not an intubation.

They got him to be stable…but we still don’t know what is going to happen. It’s scary. Will he recover? Will we have another miracle? Or will he continue to decline? Here we are again, waiting to see what happens, waiting to know if there are any answers to his illness, waiting for whatever the Lord will do.

Where’s the joy? Another day when it is not so clear.

I am thankful for the care and concern shown by the nurses and doctors at each step of this journey.

I pray for a friend who is dealing with pneumonia, and had to be transferred to a hospital where she may have an operation.

I rejoice that God remains faithful, even when it seems he is not there.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

I tried to load the song from Michael W Smith, “Step by Step”. Perhaps you can find it on YouTube.

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