February 2
What do you do when you are at the end of your rope…and that rope is totally frayed?
Yesterday, I wanted to just walk away from the struggle and not come back for an overnight…a 24 hour breather. Find a hotel with a great view, and just regroup. I’m overwhelmed…but only 3 more treatments to go.
I know it’s worse for Norm, he has cancer. As the caregiver, this is not easy. It takes its toll physically and emotionally.
Norm seems to have returned to some of the pre-treatment symptoms. He’s not eating as much, sleeping more, getting angry more…but that could be the steroids or the meds, he’s on some pretty powerful stuff that has to be interfering with everything.
We got good reports from the doctors, but this day to day is draining. I’m dealing with a fear that this is the new normal. I don’t know what’s ahead, and this is probably just an irrational fear that rears its ugly head and messes with me psychologically.
Talking with my adult kids about this, we concluded that we are at mile 20 of the marathon…where both my girls always hit the marathon wall. We only have a quarter of the treatments to go, the finish line is in sight. We have hope that his cancer will be cured and this nightmare will be over.
As I have what I call my patti pity party, I’m reminded that we are in a good place. Norm’s treatment is working. Others have walked this road, with no hope of a cure, having chemo to keep the pain at bay while they pass. Some have not even got to have treatments, the cancer being found too late. There are some who walk this road alone. I am truly blessed with family and friends who walk alongside.
This morning I lay in bed and did a lot of crying. I didn’t want to face the day. A song came to mind from Disney’s Frozen 2. Anna had lost Elsa, Olaf and had discovered that her grandfather had deceived and cheated a group of people. As she struggled with the loss, she sang, “Do the Next Right Thing.”
Where’s the joy? Giving up is not an option. I will face today, tomorrow and the days following with the grace that God provides. I will endeavor to deal with Norm, knowing that God is the One who determines the outcome and gives strength to make it day by day.
I am thankful that we have hope in a cure and restoration of health for Norm.
I pray for those who are walking with no hope, that they will be given the strength and courage to persevere. And that amidst their struggle, they will be able to find peace and joy that God provides.
I rejoice that God has this, no matter what comes our way.
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:2-5
TRICIA LATHROP 