Posts Tagged With: faith

Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 19, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 18

I woke yesterday fully realizing that Norm is no longer here. I did what I needed to do, in a fog. The tears came freely all through the day. One friend told me that mourning will not be denied. When we love much, the pain of loss will be greater.

I’ve lost my best friend, the love of my life, my wise advisor, and my companion who makes me laugh. We’ve had a lot of adventures over the years…we had several more planned that won’t happen. The sorrow over my loss that hits me stops me in my tracks.

Someone once told me that the grief of a loved one never goes away. However, the grief does get surrounded and cushioned as we walk through each day. But at any time, by any person, and in any place that cushion will be pierced and the grief will come flooding back.

I’m taking it one day at a time. All who have walked this way before me tell me it takes time…and everyone moves through grief on different schedules. I feel blessed that so many people are praying and encouraging me. I can’t imagine doing this without friends and family.

I am thankful for the doctors who gave me an extra four months with the Norm I married, the one who made me laugh.

I pray for my kids and grandkids as we all process this loss.

I rejoice that God is faithful each and every day.

Where’s the joy? Today it is in the encouragement of those around me.

Praise the Lord! Praise, O servants of the Lord, Praise the name of the Lord.

Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forever.

From the rising of the sun to its setting the name of the Lord is to be praised.

The Lord is high above all nations; His glory is above the heavens.

Who is like the Lord our God, Who is enthroned on high, Who humbles Himself to behold the things that are in heaven and in the earth?

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of His people.

He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children.

Praise the Lord!

Psalm 113

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 17, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 16

I went to church this morning. I haven’t been since Norm started his chemo treatments. I debated going since a while back a widow told me it was hard for her to go. She didn’t want to face all the questions. She didn’t want to face all the faces that were sympathetic. She didn’t want to go alone.

Lower attendance due to spring break, so not so many sympathetic eyes and questions. I received very sincere hugs. I cried. I sang and tried to worship. I cried some more. I listened to a sermon about the battle belonging to the Lord and the importance of praise.

I’m still a bit numb. I don’t feel like Norm is really gone, I feel like he’s just away on one of his camping trips. I think I mentioned that in an earlier post.

Am I in denial, delaying emotional breakdown that will accompany the reality of my loss?

Am I purposely distracting myself so I don’t have to face the loss?

Am I putting my emotions on a shelf so that I can do what needs to be done?

Am I afraid to allow myself to let the emotions flow?

Today I was reminded of the need for music in my life. Songs of worship will remind me of the Lord and what He can do in my life. Songs of love and romance will remind me of the love Norm and I shared. Songs of sorrow will allow the tears of loss to flow freely. Songs of joy will remind me that I have much to be thankful for.

This mourning process will take time. We all face it differently, we all face it in God’s timing.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven–A time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; a time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

I am thankful for the support and encouragement of those who have walked this path before me.

I pray that I will see beyond myself, to give support to those who need it.

I rejoice that God is worthy of all praise and honor.

Where’s the joy? It’s in the music.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 15, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 14

I went through some of Norm’s items. I’m finally unpacking what I brought home from the hospital. It reminded me of what a roller coaster the last five weeks have been. It not only held items for his hospital stay, but also clothes for him to wear when he came home.

Sometimes, it’s as if he’s just away on one of his camping trips, at any minute he could walk through the door…but then, the reality of his being gone hits. Lunch with a friend and a few card games with my nephew provided some distraction, but the reality is always with me.

The memories are all good. I know there were times Norm frustrated me, but what I wouldn’t give to have him back, even on the most frustrating of days.

I’m preparing for his Celebration of his life. I love looking at it that way instead of as a memorial or funeral. He blessed a lot of people. His photos took people to places they could not go on their own. His storytelling never failed to entertain. He could talk to anyone about pretty much anything, his knowledge covered a number of topics.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the extra four months with Norm that the Lord gave to me through the effort of several doctors.

I pray for wisdom and courage as I walk this path.

I rejoice that God gives us memories to enjoy and to share with others.

Where’s the joy? It’s in sharing the stories, not only of Norm, but of what God has done.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:3-8

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 13, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 13

One week ago my world turned upside down. Only a week, it seems so much longer.

Robert and I will go to the funeral home today to witness the cremation. My heart is breaking. How can I do this? From what I understand, we don’t have to watch the cremation, I just felt it was important for me to be there…one last goodby.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful that this is not really the end for Norm, I will see him again.

I pray for the strength to make it through today.

I rejoice…rejoicing today a bit tough, but God is faithful.

Where’s the joy? Robert stayed longer than he had planned, so he can go with me.

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 12, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 11

The last few days have been busy with phone calls, texts and funeral arrangements. My children went with me to the funeral home to make some decisions. It’s just hard.

On one hand, I feel like I’ll be heading to the hospital at any time to pick him up and bring him home. And then I realize he’s not here anymore. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it when the kids all leave. Right now, the kids are a distraction and they want things to do to take their minds off the hole that is left in our lives.

I’m still a bit numb and emotionally spent all at the same time.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my children who have come to stay with me and help me through these first few days.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road. I know there will be ups and downs, I’d like peace in the midst of it all.

I rejoice that Jesus Christ died and rose again so that we do not have to suffer a permanent death, but will be with Him one day.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; my should thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You, so I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

Psalm 63:1-4

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

Posted on March 10, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 9

Today, we all kept busy. It’s a temporary hold for the emotional grief that will be coming. No one bypasses the stages of grief.

  1. Denial: I still can’t believe that Norm is gone. I keep thinking I’ll awaken and find it to be just an awful dream.
  2. Anger: I did some of that during Norm’s chemo. I’m not sure how it will mammofest itself. Will I be angry at Norm? Will I be angry at God? Will I have unrealistic expectations of my family and friends and end up angry at them?
  3. Bargaining: I am keeping busy to keep from being overwhelmed by the emotions.
  4. Depression: I’m hoping to have friends around me when this one hits so I don’t wallow in self pity.
  5. Acceptance: Someone told me that grief never goes away, but it does get cushioned so that we can move forward in life. It’s like the grief gets surrounded by a little balloon. Unexpectedly, that balloon can be popped and the searing emotions will rise again to the surface.

Today I had a lot of time with family. We laughed, we were sad. They came and helped me take down the Christmas tree. When we put it up, Norm said that we would keep it up until his chemo was finished. We would have a party with my sister and maybe the kids, and take it down.

For the last month I have turned on the lights each morning, hoping for the day when we would take it down, and then for next Christmas when Norm and I would put it back up again. He won’t be there.

Many hands helped to remove the ornaments and pack them away. I think it was a blessing that it came down quickly and with my family. I’m not sure I could have done it myself…not without a lot of tears.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for my children, my sister, my niece and nephews who all came to help me perform a task that would have been hard for me to do.

I pray for the days ahead, that I will walk faithfully in the Lord as I allow myself to grieve the loss of Norm. I also pray that I will not try to walk this path alone, but will reach out to the many friends and family who are trying to be there for me.

I rejoice Jesus promised to never leave nor forsake me. I will be holding onto that promise.

Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 11:6

The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or dismayed. Deuteronomy 11:8

Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” so that we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6

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Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk.

Posted on March 8, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 7

Yesterday afternoon my husband went to walk with the Lord in His garden. My daughters and I were with him as he took his last breath on this world. They kept him comfortable so he didn’t feel any pain. We did, and spent some time crying at his bedside.

When we returned to the house, each room held reminders of his presence in my life. His photos and creations are all over the walls. His furniture, his clothes, and his Kleenex that he left all over. There were times I just sat, totally stunned at the reality. When I went to bed, I kept saying it was all a bad dream and that when I’d awake, Norm would be there.

I was so tired physically and emotionally that I went right to sleep and slept all night. I think it was the Lord’s blessing so that I could get through today.

Today I began working on some things I needed to take care of. Called the funeral to set up a meeting, called Social Security to arrange survivor’s benefits…a lot easier than I expected. However, I’m having trouble reaching Norm’s pension provider, a busy signal buzzed at me each time.

My girls, in an effort to keep themselves busy, helped me clean the house. It has been sorely neglected these last four weeks, and a little before that as we dealt with the cancer treatments.

The first order of business, take down the bookshelf that became an issue of contention between Norm and I. I spoke about it in a former post, when I yelled at Norm. His illness had changed his personality a bit, and I was frustrated. Looking at it reminded me of my failure, so down it came. My girls decided that neither of them wanted it, it would also remind them of the personality change that came over Norm before treatment.

We want to remember the good times, the fun, the adventure, the love.

We found things that made us cry. We found things that made us laugh.

We’ve received words of encouragement, flowers, phone calls, texts…distractions from the pain of the loss.

But now the day is done, and the reality of his death hits me anew. I want to push it aside, but I’m going to embrace the grief. When one loves much, the grief is deeper. I trust the Lord to walk me through all of this.

I am thankful for the peace that passes all understanding. Without it, I would not be able to function.

I pray for wisdom and courage to face each day, not only for me, but for my children and grandchildren as they also walk the path of grief.

I rejoice that Norm is walking with the Lord. It is a hope that brings me encouragement.

Where’s the joy? So many friends and family encouraging. Norm’s life is worth celebrating, he touched a lot of lives with his humor and his wisdom. His photos have brought joy to a lot of people all over the US.

Moving forward, just as during the cancer diagnosis and treatment, trusting in the Lord will be essential to my well being.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on March 7, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 6

My husband’s prayer: “Lord, please release my spirit so that I can walk with You in Your garden.” Today, Norm’s prayer was answered. He walks with the Lord in His heavenly garden.

My heart aches for my children and me. I came home to a house full of memories of Norm. He walks the earth no longer.

Where’s the joy?

I give thanks that Norm is no longer struggling with pain.

I pray for comfort for my family as we deal with the grief of losing Norm. I also pray for wisdom and strength as I walk the road ahead.

I rejoice that Norm is with the Lord.

Where’s the joy? I have hope that I will see Norm again.

This is my final Where’s the Joy?. I had hoped for a different ending, one where Norm is healed of his cancer and we continue our wonderful adventures. God chose a new path for me, without my best friend, most avid encourager, and wise counsellor.

So I will start a new series, Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk.

For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”

The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God, fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.

For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.

For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves having the first fruits of the Spirit, even ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.

For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?

But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

And not only this, but also we ourselves having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of the body.

For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees.

But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

Romans 8:14-25

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on March 5, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 5

I spent the night at the hospital. He would not have wanted this. He has no control over his own decisions, suffering the ministrations of nurses to his personal hygiene, however caring, still an indignity to a modest man. The nurse said they might try up to 14 days…that is too long.

He just stares off into space, barely even making eye contact anymore.

Lord, you know what’s best for Norm. I don’t understand why God is allowing this.

Interrupted by the breathing trial. He passed, barely, but passed. The tube is out.

I should be excited, BUT is this a spin around the gently rising and falling part of the roller coaster ride to its conclusion, or another climb to a big drop. I just don’t know.

Still no answer as to the cause of all this. Even the samples they sent to the big research facility came back with no conclusions. There is still inflammation in the lungs, so they are trying a new round of steroids, along with the antibiotics and anti fungals. Hopefully something will work and he will be able to move forward.

Norm is wanting to eat, a big improvement. He’s on the heavy duty oxygen, just not with the tube. Hopefully it will be able to come down so he can go to the rehab, then home, then three more chemo treatments.

I’m tired and cautiously hopeful.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for a successful extubation.

I pray that Norm gains strength in body and spirit so that he can enjoy the life he desires to live.

I rejoice that God is in control.

Where’s the joy? Today, the news is good.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our Fram; He is mindful that we are but dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, and its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep His covenant and remember His precepts to do them.

Psalm 103:8-18

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Where’s the Joy?

Posted on March 5, 2025 by tricialathrop

March 4

I came in with such hope today–he almost succeeded in getting the tube out. All was fine. Physical Therapy gave him a positive workout. Aimee came in. All was set for breathing trial #5, then he spiked his BP and they cancelled the trial.

Since then, he’s been very sleepy. he looks a lot to the right corner of the room, nothing there. He says it is a focal point. His responses are slower. He gets frustrated when we don’t understand.

The dilemma, I want him whole and healthy and still with me, however I am watching him grow weaker and less responsive.

After having nothing come up in his lungs for 2 1/2 weeks, he’s bringing up something from his lungs. He is constantly needing suction. They’ve got him so sedated, he doesn’t stay awake for long.

Once again, he has an awesome nurse.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the excellent care he gets here.

I pray that God will relieve this coughing so he can rest well for another try tomorrow.

I rejoice that God gives me peace beyond all understanding.

Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:31

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