Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

January 22

For our fifteenth anniversary, Norm and I went to Calgary and Banff National Park in Canada. We had a number of great memories there and it was on our list to return, we did a few years ago for the train ride across to Vancouver…but we did not return to do any of the trails.

On that trip, we decided to go see the famous “Ink Pots”, bubbling mud pots. To get there, we walked through what we began to refer to as the “Forest of Gloom” that went on and on. The trees blocked the sunlight and when it did peek through, shadows morphed all around us. And the mud pots? Disappointing.

However, we continued on the trail it opened up to a glorious, majestic valley surrounded by mountains with a glacial river running through it. We enjoyed the view. We decided to take off our shoes and stick them in the river flowing from the glacier…live and learn, and don’t make the same mistake twice.

This was all before Norm began photography, so we just have pictures from my camera. If Norm had been doing photography, we would have been going back through the Forest of Gloom in the dark. The scenery took our breath away…almost like when we put our feet in the water.

Why am I sharing this? I feel like I’m on that trail. Every day I wake up to the realization that Norm is not here. It’s been harder the last few weeks. I’m weary of the day after day grief. Perhaps it’s intensified by the memory that at this time last year we thought he was going to beat the cancer. We had started discussing plans for the future, European river cruise, going to the south of France, back to Colorado…

Even in my struggles and weariness, there is hope. I don’t despair. God gives me strength to walk this path. God gives me courage to continue. God sends friends to encourage me. Though I walk alone, I am never alone.

Where’s the joy?

I am thankful for the memories I have with Norm, family and friends.

I pray for all the people that will be affected by the storm this weekend, for safety, food and shelter to be provided.

I rejoice in the God of my salvation, whose love is beyond our understanding.

Where’s the joy? It is in the hope of God’s faithfulness in the future.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23