June 1
I’m struggling. A comment by someone in the fit of anger sent me to what I call “the shadows”. It’s a place of rejection, comparisons and insecurities where I can stay for days. Norm called it my thorn in the flesh. It’s totally irrational and for a time I can’t seem to move beyond it.
As I’ve struggled this time, two things came to mind. One is an Cherokee proverb.
The Two Wolves: A Cherokee Story
A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.
The old Grandfather said to his grandson, “Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy. Hate is like taking a poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.
“It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all those around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He only fights when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But the other wolf is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper.
“He fights with everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit.”
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”
The Grandfather smiled and said, “The one I feed.”
The second thing that came to mind is a sermon on forgiveness. As Greg spoke about resentment that results from being unforgiving, he held his hands in such a way as if he was holding onto a grudge. He petted it, looked at it often, and fed it…and it seemed to grow in his hands.
Right now, I know I am emotionally compromised. Tears hover, ready to pour out at any time. This caught me totally by surprise. I thought I had dealt with the issues so that they wouldn’t submarine me…but no, here it is again.
What is it going to take to move beyond it?
Don’t feed it! Easier said than done. it’s like the comment, “Don’t think about oranges”, all one can think of then is oranges.
I’m not going to spend any more emotional time going over the situation and all possible responses…I choose to be thankful for the good. I realize that I’m emotionally compromised and overreacted, I don’t need to beat myself up over it.
The Conflict of Two Natures
For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.
For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.
So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.
For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
Romans 7:14-25
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for my family. Even though at times we may say or do things that are insensitive, there is a love that transcends the hurt.
I pray that I can extend grace to those around me, and that I will not feed the offenses or grudges that come my way.
I rejoice that God sent Jesus Christ so that not only can I have a relationship with Him, He also helps me to improved my relationships with those around me.
Where’s the joy? It’s in family and friends.
TRICIA LATHROP 