March 9
Today, we all kept busy. It’s a temporary hold for the emotional grief that will be coming. No one bypasses the stages of grief.
- Denial: I still can’t believe that Norm is gone. I keep thinking I’ll awaken and find it to be just an awful dream.
- Anger: I did some of that during Norm’s chemo. I’m not sure how it will mammofest itself. Will I be angry at Norm? Will I be angry at God? Will I have unrealistic expectations of my family and friends and end up angry at them?
- Bargaining: I am keeping busy to keep from being overwhelmed by the emotions.
- Depression: I’m hoping to have friends around me when this one hits so I don’t wallow in self pity.
- Acceptance: Someone told me that grief never goes away, but it does get cushioned so that we can move forward in life. It’s like the grief gets surrounded by a little balloon. Unexpectedly, that balloon can be popped and the searing emotions will rise again to the surface.
Today I had a lot of time with family. We laughed, we were sad. They came and helped me take down the Christmas tree. When we put it up, Norm said that we would keep it up until his chemo was finished. We would have a party with my sister and maybe the kids, and take it down.
For the last month I have turned on the lights each morning, hoping for the day when we would take it down, and then for next Christmas when Norm and I would put it back up again. He won’t be there.
Many hands helped to remove the ornaments and pack them away. I think it was a blessing that it came down quickly and with my family. I’m not sure I could have done it myself…not without a lot of tears.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful for my children, my sister, my niece and nephews who all came to help me perform a task that would have been hard for me to do.
I pray for the days ahead, that I will walk faithfully in the Lord as I allow myself to grieve the loss of Norm. I also pray that I will not try to walk this path alone, but will reach out to the many friends and family who are trying to be there for me.
I rejoice Jesus promised to never leave nor forsake me. I will be holding onto that promise.
Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 11:6
The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or dismayed. Deuteronomy 11:8
Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” so that we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6
TRICIA LATHROP 