Where’s the Joy? A Widow’s Walk

May 16

I kept busy, but the tears flowed often.

I took care of some things that I put off due to Norm’s illness and treatment. They came and repaired our roof, so it doesn’t leak anymore. I got one cataract removed and I’m amazed at how well I can see out of that eye, next eye in three weeks. Visited the dermatologist, all clear.

I took care of things that needed to be done after Norm’s death. I called the hospital billing, it seems that insurance has covered all the hospital stays. I’m getting bills from the doctors, paying them as they come. Sometimes the insurance pays, and sometimes not. Called Norm’s insurance to make sure I get the information they send…it’s been going to his email. I saw our lawyer to make sure I have all the bases covered, so far so good.

It’s going to take a long time to sort through Norm’s things: Photography equipment, camping gear, woodworking tools, his action figures for which he created uniforms of various wars, his books, his art. What to keep? What to give away? What to sell? What to throw away? Who wants what?

I realized yesterday that our 45th anniversary is coming up. Before cancer we had talked of going back to Hawaii or Scotland, somewhere special. Will I need to be alone? Will I need to be with people? I’m thinking a hotel room with a balcony that overlooks the ocean…

Where’s the joy?

I’m thankful that things are falling into place and I’m not having to worry about finances or the house falling apart.

I pray for wisdom and courage to walk this road of widowhood, that I will walk in such a way that the Lord is glorified.

I rejoice that God remains faithful.

Where’s the joy? Friends and family, especially meeting for lunch.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.

Know that the Lord Himself is god. It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves. We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.

For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100