April 11
This is tough. I know I’ve said that before, and I knew it would be hard…but wow! It’s as if a part of me is missing. I took Norm’s presence for granted…his encouragements, his jokes, even the things that aggravated me…what I wouldn’t give for one more day…
The last two days I’ve done what was necessary, nothing more. The tears come at unexpected times.
I think I’ve contacted everyone I need to regarding Norm’s passing. There are still a few calls for subscriptions and credit cards, but those are not essential. I’m waiting for a few more papers that will need to be filled out, and copies of the death certificate sent.
Bills are coming in from his hospital stays and treatments. Norm always said that a person’s medical expenses are higher at the end of life than for all the years before. I don’t know how someone manages to pay those bills without insurance. I know a mega bill for the hospital stay is yet to come. I spoke to the insurance and a number of the bills are still under evaluation as to how much they will pay.
I don’t know if taking care of the details right after a death is a blessing or a curse. On one hand, it takes the focus off the loss, providing an activity that gives a momentary escape from grieving. On the other hand, the frustration of having to act quickly, finding phone numbers and filling out papers takes the focus off the loss making it difficult to grieve.
Where’s the joy?
I am thankful that we have insurance, it doesn’t pay all, but it does pay some and every little bit helps.
I pray for wisdom and guidance as I walk the path before me.
I rejoice that God has all this in His hand. He knows my future. He knows every struggle that will come my way. He knows that I will have successes and failures. He has a plan for my life that is far better than I can see at this time.
Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
This I recall to miming, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentation 3:19-26
TRICIA LATHROP 